All He Needs
by QAFfangirl
Summary: This story is AU with an alternate Brian/Justin meet. The story is set in 2014 although Brian is 35 and Justin is 23. Justin and Daphne are recent college graduates and best friends buying their first place together. Brian is their upstairs neighbor. Both Brian and Justin are at a crossroads in their own lives struggling to figure out what they need. ***Now Complete***
1. Chapter 1

Brian Kinney walked into his building after an exceptionally long and trying day. Pretty much everything that could go wrong had been totally and irrevocably fucked up. He stretched his neck and arms, thinking of the hot shower followed by the large drink he would need to start to unwind. It seemed no matter how much he stayed in lately he could not overcome the utter exhaustion he was left with at the end of each day. As he lowered his arms, he stopped dead in his tracks, none too pleased to discover a large, worn-out couch blocking the entrance to his stairs and a petite, young, black woman shoving boxes into his elevator, alternating between pushing them and kicking them with her foot in frustration when they wouldn't budge.

"What the fuck are you doing?" he exclaimed powerfully, demanding the woman's attention who jumped more than swung around to face the voice.

"OHMYGOD!" she screamed in one breath. Her alarmed expression seemed to dissipate realizing that there was no immediate threat before she confessed, "You fucking scared the shit out of me!" and placed her hand over her chest in a dramatic fashion.

Brian stood there waiting silently for an answer to his question when a voice called out from the elevator shaft. "Daphne, you okay?"

The voice seemed to bring the woman back to reality along with it a return of some semblance of good manners since she extended her arm and offered her handshake. "Hey, I'm Daphne. Sorry about this, we are moving in. We thought we could get the couch on our own but it's too wide for the lift so my brothers are coming over to help get it up the stairs."

Brian did not hide his irritation. Great a new couple in the neighborhood; this would be the third apartment in his building sold to a fucking hetero couple in the last six months, it felt like an invasion. Next there would be a fucking Gap Kids on the corner. "Listen, how do you suggest I get to my loft?"

Daphne glanced at her still unshaken extended hand and the look of disgust on her new neighbor's face and dropped her arm. "Yyyyeeeaaahhhh" she said drawing out the word while she surveyed the situation, "I guess you will either need to wait for us to empty the elevator or help me move the couch". What an asshole, she thought, as she pushed the button and stepped clear of the elevator to close the gate.

"I don't think so" Brian mumbled approaching the elevator and blocking her efforts knowing the elevator wouldn't move without the gate being closed. Daphne watched in horror as Brian shoved the two large cardboard containers out of the elevator and stood in the now free space inside. "Don't worry I'll send it back down. Toodles" Brian said laughing as he gave a little limp-wristed wave. He pushed the button for the sixth floor and closed the gate leaving Daphne fuming and the impression that her new neighbor was a complete jerk.

Brian groaned as the usually slow elevator began it's ascent in earnest. He normally tuned out the sounds of the old elevator but became concerned as it started making unfamiliar noises he thought equal to a fat man gasping for air after climbing several flights of stairs. For the first time he considered the relative weight of the objects in the elevator plus his own and noticed the maximum weight sign hanging above the permit and after doing some mental calculations concluded he was pushing the posted limit. The gears really seemed to be struggling and somewhere between the second and third floor, it quit trying all together.

"Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!" Brian cried as he hit the button for the third floor. Don't panic, he reminded himself, as he picked up the red phone to call for help only to hear no dial tone. The panic sensation spread rapidly as he reached for his cell phone in his pants pocket and realized he didn't have it on him. The much need object was carelessly discarded earlier when, among the endless things that had gone wrong today, his cell phone fell out of his pocket into the toilet when some trick roughly pulled his pants down to blow him in one of the stalls. This made worse by the fact that the trick couldn't cover his god damn teeth during said blow job.

"HEY" Brian called loudly, "IS ANYONE THERE?"

Daphne was still seething at the arrogant asshole's impatience when she heard the footsteps on the stairs.

"Daphne, are you okay?" Justin asked as he stood about five steps up on the first flight of stairs behind the offending couch.

"You won't believe this asshole" she steamed as she explained her encounter, "he actually kicked the boxes off the elevator!"

Justin laughed seeing his friend's narrowed, angry eyes and knowing this poor man was in for a world of hurt. Daphne may be tiny but he pitied anyone who pissed her off because she was truly a spitfire and could hold a grudge like no one's business. Passive-aggressive revenge was practically an art form for her.

He climbed over the couch which required some athleticism he didn't really have to help her shove the furniture so that at least there was a small path to the staircase for neighbors.

"It was kind of rude to block him" he acknowledged plopping down on the sofa, "It's almost five and lots of people will be getting home soon. Will Marcus and Daniel be here soon?"

She nodded since they had texted they were on their way about ten minutes before. "Thank God I have two muscular brothers. Why didn't we just accept their offer to help us move initially?" laying her head on his shoulder and looking at him, fluttering her eyelids in innocence as she spoke.

"Um, because this is our first 'real' place and you wanted to do it on our own. After all, how many times did they move us in college?" he pushed her head from his shoulder as he quoted her exact words back to her.

"Ha! Practically every year! Thank God we are D-O-N-E with student housing" she joked remembering the various shitholes they had shared while they both attended the Institute of Fine Arts; Justin to study visual arts and her to study photography. Do you remember that place sophomore year with the complete stoners and the non-stop parties?"

"Ughhhhh!" Justin huffed, "You mean Chris and Tony's place?...those guys were so fucking inconsiderate. Constant tricks coming and going at all hours….that place saw more action than the Liberty baths. I think Tony was a hustler too….Gross!"

"Well now we have our first grown-up jobs and a grown-up place of our very own which I'm sure will look sophisticated and elegant with your discerning queer eye and you will lull me to sleep with noises of ecstasy as you entertain your hot, somewhat vocal, boyfriend. I will be in fag hag heaven" she joked, kissing his cheek.

Justin looked sheepish and took a deep breath, "Well, you may have to wait on the second part. Eric and I broke up."

"What? What happened and why didn't you tell me?" she slapped his arm hard leaving a sting.

"Ouch, fuck Daph" he said rubbing his arm. Justin knew Daphne liked Eric since the moment he announced he had finally popped his cherry. Eric was cute and sweet and as completely devoted to Justin as Daphne was. They met freshman year at one of Daphne's hetero-hop parties that Justin tried to avoid like the plague. That night, it was pouring rain and cold and Justin had come home early and went straight to his room groaning to himself that Daphne had apparently been using his bed to collect coats. He was surprised to find Eric in his room and as he was about to kick him out, their eyes met and Justin noticed he was looking at a picture Justin had sketched recently, a nude male. It was pretty obvious what he wanted and Justin was more than ready to give it. They didn't even exchange names before they consummated the heat radiating from both of their bodies. It was new and intense and the emotions carried them through the first few months until they settled into an easy rhythm. However, a few weeks after graduation it was weighing heavily on him that while being with Eric was easy, it was not all that satisfying or passionate any longer. Finally, Justin realized that Eric wanted more just as much as he did and they ripped the proverbial band-aid off and ended it mutually and on good terms. Eric actually thanked him afterward, admitting that he had worried they would end up married before either of them would finally admit there was something missing from their relationship for fear of hurting the other.

"….but he was so sweet and cute" she whined. "You always seemed to be, you know, enjoying him" she added blushing.

"Daph…I did" Justin admitted, "it's just…nevermind, c'mon lets get our stuff off the elevator before your brothers get here."

Justin and Daphne walked up the few flights of stairs to their fifth floor apartment, slowing considerably as they climbed, feeling the aches and pains of their latest move.

"HELP" Brian called out loudly again. He glanced at his watch and groaned loudly…fifteen minutes in this god-forsaken elevator already. He couldn't even sit down properly since the boxes took up all the floor space and he was reluctant to sit on the boxes not knowing what was inside. Surely, he thought to himself, the happy couple would be missing their stuff and come looking for it soon enough.

Brian, unable to stand any longer, picked up one large container about an inch to gauge its weight. It wasn't all that heavy and labeled JT-ART SUPPLIES (STUDIO). Brian shrugged and shoved it out of the way figuring it wouldn't be strong enough to support his weight. Another box labeled JT-PERSONAL peaked his interest. Personal, huh? He laughed thinking of what kinky things the young Miss Daphne and her beau were into in their boudoir. He recognized her considerable spirit and imagined she was into some freaky shit, well freaky for straight people, which probably meant some modestly sized vibrators and a pair of fuzzy handcuffs. He shuttered at the rouge thought. He was just about to break open the box and satisfy his curiosity, which he rationalized, stemmed from considerable boredom and a slight feeling of claustrophobia, when he heard footsteps on the stairs. "HELP" he screamed again rattling the grate to get attention.

"Daphne, do you hear that?" Justin asked as he rounded the corner to the stairs on the third floor.

"Maybe my brothers…." She answered before Justin shushed her and held a finger to his lips.

"No, it's from over there. I think someone's yelling help" he exclaimed moving towards the elevator.

"Hey, are you okay?" Justin asked sliding to his belly to peer into the small sliver of the elevator that was visible to the third floor.

"No! I'm not fucking okay you twat. I'm stuck, can you call 911?" Brian remarked hastily. He was unable to see the person attached to the voice but assumed it was Daphne's boyfriend.

Damn, Daphne was right…He was a rude fucker but since they needed their stuff, he took out his phone and dialed the non-emergency number.

"Hey sis" Marcus Chanders called out while backing up the stairs carrying the large couch on one end; the other supported by his identical twin brother, Daniel. "This is heavy, move it or lose it" Daniel called while navigating the couch around the corner. "Really sis? The 5th floor? This is the last time we help you and Justin move. You're a big shot at the paper now…hire a moving company"

"Thanks guys" she laughed but dismissed their threat as moot since she doubted Justin and her would be leaving any time soon, "…and I'm hardly a big shot. Staff photographer is about as entry-level as it gets." She clarified following them up the stairs to let them into their new place.

_What are they having a fucking party out there? _Brian closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose hearing the additional voices and hoping like hell one of them was the elevator repair company.

"Hey, is that help? How long is it going to be?" Brian asked to the shadow above still lying on the floor.

"No, um, that's just the guys helping us move the couch; I called the non-emergency number and they said it would be about thirty minutes" Justin informed them.

"Why the fuck would you call the non-emergency number?" Brian fumed, "I said call 911!"

Justin rolled his eyes undetected wishing his stuff wasn't trapped so he could just walk away from this inconsiderate asshole. "Well unless you're in there with a pregnant lady or you have a knife wound you forgot to mention, being stuck in a perfectly safe elevator isn't exactly an emergency, now is it?"

"Listen you little shit! I have had the worst fucking day and thanks to you and your little woman, I don't have any place to sit down in here. I am fucking tired and I now have to piss. So unless you want your art supplies covered in my urine, you will call 911"

"Hey asshole, did you go through my things?" Justin asked incensed by the invasion of privacy.

"…not yet" Brian warned loudly. He also muttered in a low voice that he planned to check out the box that says personal and see what he and the missus are into but Justin couldn't make that part out. Brian huffed under his breath and said a silent prayer of thanks that he still had four cigarettes on him and a lighter. He lit one and took a deep breath, exhaling with smoke rings.

_Fucking straight, nosy, asshole! _Justin seethed as he caught a whiff of the smoke. "Wait! Are you fucking smoking in there?"

"Yeah, so?"

"You can't smoke!"

"The fuck I can't"

"No you can't, listen my painting are in there for my upcoming exhibit. The smoke will get into the canvases. I'm begging you, please don't smoke" Justin voice was growing desperate as he spoke.

Brian glanced around looking for the paintings and finally located several large crates leaning against the wall. He could see the back side of at least two large canvases through the slats. "Well what's in it for me?" Brian snarled.

"Anything, just please don't" Justin pleaded again, his heart racing fast and breath held as he waited out a long pause.

Justin finally exhaled upon hearing an exasperated Brian sighing heavily, before repeating "Anything?" with an ominous connotation and then finally confirmed he had extinguished his cigarette.

Just as Justin started to say thank you an ear piecing grinding noise reverberated followed by a low hum signaling the elevator's gasp back to life.

"Shit!" Brian exclaimed as he fell slightly forward when the elevator lurched under him. He braced himself against the boxes smashing his hand onto the box containing the personal items he had been so curious about. His fall crushed the top of the box and the tape tore free under the now misshapen, indented cardboard. The elevator stopped firmly on the third floor and Brian was distracted from the contents by his need to free himself from the confined space.

"Outta my way" he said as he pushed past Justin, his bladder now stretched beyond any normal limit, "I'm holding you to your promise" he affirmed, turning around to give the mystery man a once over. Baggy jeans, a football jersey, and some very old tennis shoes. _Classic breeder wear! _Such a shame to cause the kid had a very nice ass, he thought, as he climbed the remaining three flights of stairs to get to his loft.

Justin timidly entered the elevator hoping he wouldn't get stuck but really seeing no other way to get the items to the fifth floor to unload. When the elevator stopped he was surprised to find himself on the sixth floor but soon realized he never pushed the correct button, relying instead of the already selected button the arrogant, but actually quite handsome, neighbor had selected.

Justin peered out of the elevator just as he heard the door close. He chuckled thinking he must have really had to piss to beat the elevator up the three remaining flights. Justin had never been to the sixth floor of the building before, having no reason to go beyond five when they were looking for a place. He was surprised the top floor was only a single loft since all the other floors had two units each. Justin took note of the dimensions of the floor and as he selected the correct button and the elevator began to lower, he found himself curious as to the layout of the sixth floor space. He and Daphne had looked at two units in this building, his mother who was serving as their real estate agent, had told them all the units were two bedrooms and two baths which meant the double unit would be really large. He found himself wondering about the crass owner and believed despite his somewhat curmudgeon personality he probably had a family, children even, to need a space that large. He certainly hoped not, at least he hoped no little rugrats were running around overhead. Justin was really looking forward to peace and quiet after a series of upstairs neighbors that he was certain had elephants as pets judging from the constant stomping noises overhead.

"Daphne" Justin hollared as he arrived to the fifth floor, "Help!"

Daphne and her brothers emerged from their apartment and started hauling boxes out of the elevator. The four of them emptied the load quite quickly and Justin wished they had the benefit of the twins all day. Daphne's older brothers were striking and although he would never admit it, he had always sort of had a crush on Marcus. When he would stay the night at Daphne's house he even timed his bathroom trips to coordinate with accidental run-in's with a shirtless Marcus brushing his teeth or washing his face. The twins, although identical, were nothing alike. Marcus was an athlete, a varsity basketball player, friendly, warm and unfortunately, straight. His brother, Daniel, was shy, bookish even, a lot like Eric as a matter of fact except of course for his appearance and also being straight. Both brothers had light skin, like Daphne, but were tall, almost six feet and muscular with smoldering good looks. Marcus had killer six pack abdominals with a nice V-shaped cut that Justin always imagined would draw the eye downward to an impressive cock but had never had the pleasure of independently validating that particular assumption.

Justin's fantasy was stifled when he heard Daniel groan, "Oh Jesus Christ Justin" followed by a large thud. Justin raced into the back of the apartment to see Daniel covering his eyes with his hand and the contents of his box scattered across the floor. Daphne met him in the room as well and seeing her brother look painfully uncomfortable, burst into side-splitting laughter.

"Sorry Dan" Justin grumbled joining Daphne in laughter although more out of embarrassment than amusement, "I see you found the contents of my naughty drawer but honestly it was marked personal, what did you expect to find?" he grinned as he bent over picking up a large double sided dildo, a purple butt plug, some handcuffs, a leather paddle and a ten inch vibrator bouncing along the hardwood floor stuck in the on position and tossing them back into the box.

Daphne smirked at her brother, "Yeah pervert" Daphne teased, "Why did you open up a box anyway?"

"I didn't see the label and the box was buzzing. I reached my hand in and I realized what it was and just dropped the box. Sorry if I over reacted Justin" he admitted sincerely, still with an adorable look of utter mortification on his face.

"What's the problem here?" Marcus exclaimed standing behind his sister and seeing what the commotion was all about.

"Danny was checking out Justin's sex toys" Daphne laughed.

Marcus surveyed the items Justin had gathered back into the box, "Well Justin, looks like you have a wild side" he smirked, "Maybe you could teach my brother here how to get his freak on. He's so boring with his one woman rule. Him and Michelle probably only do it once a week, missionary style with the lights off…"

"…yeah after they shower first" Daphne added.

Justin laughed at Daphne's casting shade over Daniel's bride-to-be, she made no qualms about her feeling over her soon to be sister-in-law with Justin. Daphne thought she was an uptight, stuck-up princess who only liked her brother because he was a successful businessman. She made this assessment shortly after their first meeting when Michelle remarked that Daphne "didn't really have the full black woman experience" since she was light-skinned, from a well-to-do family and dated white men on occasion. She had not so subtly been punishing her ever since by using every gift-giving occasion to buy something black-enough for Michelle from brightly colored head scarves, a book about the women of the Serengeti, and, her personal favorite, a truly horrendous painting featuring the last supper with a black Jesus. All the gifts wildly outside of Michelle's personal taste and style which was actually quite waspy.

"Knock it off" Daniel remarked to his siblings, "I think we're done here. Enjoy your new place sis. See ya Justin."

Daphne followed behind Daniel leaving Justin and Marcus alone surrounded by a box full of sex toys. Justin was very uncomfortable but was impressed that Marcus seemed at ease.

"Hey Justin" he asked uncharacteristically shyly, "Can I ask you something?"

Justin nodded, "Sure"

"Do you, um, use these or are they for, you know, for, um, for Eric?" he spit out.

Justin grinned because he found it amusing when straight men were curious about what gay men did in the bedroom, "Why do you want to know?"

"I just don't get it. You're such a cool guy. I just don't see the appeal of…"

"…having something up your ass" Justin remarked finishing Marcus's thought.

"Yeah" he visibly shuttered at the thought.

"Well to answer your question honestly some of the toys, like the handcuffs, were bought for Eric. He liked to be dominated once in a while and I tried to make him happy. Some of the items I use on myself since Eric never had an interest in fucking me"

Justin paused to let the information set in, "Do you have any more questions?" he asked looking sincerely at Marcus.

"So you mean you were together for four years and never fucked?" Marcus spouted in disbelief.

"No" Justin laughed, "I fucked him all the time. He just didn't want to fuck me so we would use other ways to stimulate my prostate. It feels incredible actually"

Marcus shook his head and Justin try to suppress his enjoyment of seeing Marcus attempt to shake the images free of his mind. "Dude, I had a girl stick a finger in my ass once and I nearly flew out of the bed. I think God made me straight for a reason" he laughed, patting Justin on the back and catching up to his siblings.

Justin sat back on his still unmade bed and thought about Eric and the last four years. He hadn't really thought about it before but Eric's unwillingness to top was a growing problem in their relationship more so over the last year which is why he had amassed a growing collection of dildo's and toys. Justin had lost his virginity to Eric when he fucked him on a pile of coats in his apartment. Soon after, they were hot and heavy, but Justin became, as a matter of habit, always the top. After about six months, he finally got really drunk, and practically begged Eric to try fucking him. He even offered to do it raw since they were both virgins when they met and had only ever been with each other. Eric got really upset which Justin initially thought was from the bare-backing offer but it turned out, after they sobered up and really talked, that Eric just had no desire to try it the other way. Justin ended up apologizing and making love to him to calm him down and reassure him that it wasn't a big deal and he never asked Eric to top again.

Daphne saw her brothers out and skipped down the hallway of their new place with child-like delight, she took a running start and landed next to Justin on his mattress, giggling like they always did.

"Penny for your thoughts?" she asked an unusually reflective Justin.

"I was thinking about Eric" he admitted.

"Regrets?" she asked, stroking his hair.

Justin thought for a minute and shook his head no, "It was the right thing to do"

"Are you sure? He was a great guy" she questioned.

"Yeah, Daphne I know you liked Eric and he is a great guy but you know I needed more."

"…he wouldn't budge at all?" she asked, "I mean you have a great ass. Why wouldn't he?"

"Daphne" he sighed, "you know it's not like that. Some gay men are just very much one way or the other. Some gay men don't like anal sex at all."

"What a waste!" Daphne teased, "I would suggest we go out tonight and find someone to tap that ass but we have like a million boxes to unpack"

"Yeah, let's find the sheets first and then start on the kitchen" he remarked getting up and pulling her up off the bed.

"Hey Daphne" he called as she left the room, "I'm really glad we bought this place. If we can't live with the men of our dreams; I'm glad we get to live together."

"Me too, Jus. I love you."


	2. Chapter 2

Justin slid open the door to his apartment pleased to no longer be greeted by cardboard boxes. It had been just two weeks since they moved but they were finally and officially unpacked. He tossed his bag down on the countertop when he first noticed something was off. The large screen television in the family room was set to ESPN, a channel neither him nor Daphne ever watched. This could mean only one thing…Daphne had company. He glanced around but didn't see any evidence to another's presence. He padded into the back hallway leading to her room and observed the door shut but light on confirming his suspicion that the company was likely of the male gender.

"Daphne, I'm home" he called through the closed door. He didn't want to interrupt whatever she may be doing but he also didn't care to witness anything that might spill over into their common space if she didn't know he was there either.

His message was met only with a series of grunts, groans and a rhythmic squeaking of her bed frame which made him chuckle as he returned to the kitchen. He looked in the fridge and pantry and started pulling together something for dinner.

Justin worked in the kitchen ignoring the rather obvious sounds coming from the bedroom. Part of him was happy for his best friend on getting what sounded like a good fuck after a long dry spell but the other part of him was envious. It hadn't been that long, maybe six weeks, since he technically had sex but it was so much longer since he had the passionate tear your clothes off and go at it right now kind of sex he craved. He turned up the cooking show he was watching trying to drown out the noises but felt the stir in his pants knowing it was too late to suppress his arousal. He poured himself a glass of wine and snacked on some Wheat Thins letting his mind wander back to four years ago when Eric and he were first together. He recalled their early passion, the constant butterflies and the overwhelming pull to be together and tried to pinpoint when that feeling was lost to them. He yearned for the new lover feeling again so badly; he even considered using a dating site or in a really dark moment, Grindr, to find someone who could awaken pure unadulterated lust in him again. All his fantasies lately seem to consist of a man who would push him against a wall or bend him over a couch and just take him. He didn't really have an issue with casual sex, not a moral one, anyway…to each their own… but since he had never actually bottomed before he was resistant to taking that step with a stranger. He was even less confident in his own ability to initiate such an encounter. There was no denying he was a twenty-three year old (that still looked seventeen) and had been with exactly one boyfriend. He wasn't exactly adept at navigating gay dating in the twenty-first century.

The kitchen timer beeped alerting him to his dinner coinciding with a firm knock at the front door. He slid the door open and stared blankly at the brash neighbor he hadn't seen since his moving day. Judging by the way his eyes ran down over his body, there was no confusion about the man's sexuality; clearly they played for the same team. Perhaps it was his aroused state or the way the man was leaning up against the frame wearing a form-fitting black tank that perfectly complimented his chest and arms that made Justin notice him in a whole new way. Regardless, he thought, the man was a freaking God. He was just about to formulate a pithy comment when the gorgeous man pushed his way into the apartment brushing his shoulder as he entered uninvited.

"Where is your girlfriend?" he asked waving a rectangular shape paper.

"Excuse me?" Justin asked not certain who he was referring to.

"Your girlfriend, this little game she's playing needs to stop now!" Brian barked.

"Look I don't even know you and you pushed your way into my apartment and start barking orders at me; do you have any concept of how fucking inappropriate that is?"

"We've met. I'm Brian…and you owe me a favor so I want to claim it now to have you call off the little woman"

"First, I don't know what you are talking about. Daphne is my roommate not my girlfriend or my little woman and she hasn't listened to me since she was twelve so if you pissed her off, I suggest you fix it yourself."

"You said anything!" Brian objected.

"What's she done anyway?" Justin asked trying to keep a straight face at Brian's hysterics.

"Well let's see last week she hijacked my Thai food from the delivery person and when I called he said my wife had offered to take it up for me. I mysteriously found chewing gum over the buzzer to my apartment so my tri…, I mean my visitor, was not able to ring my loft. When I asked why he didn't just text me he told me he rang the fifth floor unit and told that I had just been arrested for selling drugs and the police were watching the building" he explained, "and then this week I've suddenly gotten a parking ticket even though I have parked in the same spot for years. I just saw her walking into the building with a cop not even thirty minutes ago so I'm pretty sure she's responsible for this too."

Justin stared at Brian for a few minutes thinking back to the Thai food Daphne has left for him in the fridge and burst out laughing, "Damn, you are fucked. You better make it up to her somehow or find a new place to live."

"What?"

"Daphne…she can hold a grudge and you were incredibly rude to her when we moved in. My advice, fix it now before it gets worse."

"Worse?" Brian asked his eyebrow pushed together in confusion.

"She's creative, smart and escalating so I recommend you make amends quickly." Justin explained sincerely with a pat of his arm in a show of sympathy.

"Why? Is she going to chop my balls off? What is wrong with her?"

Justin just giggled, "I have no idea but I'm staying out of it. I have to live with her."

"You do owe me a favor" Brian reminded him.

Justin thought for a minute, "Listen, Daphne and I are having a get together with a few friends tomorrow for dinner. Why don't you join us? It's the best I can do; maybe you can charm her into a truce. She likes tulips and her favorite wine is Riesling."

"You want me to buy her flowers?" he asked. "I'm not about to bring flowers and wine to attend a hetero dinner party" he huffed, turning to leave.

"Your call buddy. I'm just trying to help you fix this so she will leave you alone…and for the record, it won't be all hetero's." Justin called as Brian slid the door open to leave, "I'll be there."

Brian pivoted on his foot to look at Justin. His first impression of the blond had been definitively straight but he gave him a second once over and his lips curled into a smile at his misjudgment. "I see" he said as he strolled back over to the kitchen where Justin was emptying the pasta into the strainer.

Justin looked up and saw the almost predatory smile on Brian's face. "I take it you couldn't tell I was gay before?" he joked seeing Brian's renewed level of interest.

"Nope, I guess I need to get my gaydar checked." He flirted seizing him up with his eyes again.

"I guess so" Justin smiled, "Take a look around" he motioned and for the first time pointing out the photographs showing him with his arms wrapped around Eric.

"Aww…a boyfriend. I should have figured as much." Brian teased looking at the photo and other art hanging on their walls; "You look like the boyfriend type" he clarified at seeing Justin's questioning expression.

"Well I'm more the ex-boyfriend type these days but I take it you're not?" Justin asked, "…the boyfriend type, I mean"

Brian shook his head, "No I am most definitely not the boyfriend type. So why the shrine to the ex? Still hopelessly in love?" he asked with a condescending tone Justin chose to ignore.

"Daphne took the pictures. She's a photographer. I didn't think she would hang them but she did and I don't care enough to ask her to take them down. Eric and I are still friends…I guess…it didn't end badly at least"

Brian was making Justin nervous with his constant staring. "So you need help getting over the ex?" he offered with a suggestive tone.

Justin felt a little bold from the wine and a little horny from his dry spell so he took a deep breath and went for it, "Sure maybe you can help me with that after the dinner party tomorrow".

"What about now?" Brian offered putting one hand on the back of Justin's neck and the other on his hip.

Every instinct told Justin to lean into the touch but fear caused him to pull back suddenly, "I like to get to know a person a little beforehand. You don't even know my name."

Brian stumbled a little, unused to being rejected, particularly for that reason. "What's your name then Sunshine?" he asked pulling him closer again.

"It's Justin" he offered breaking free again, "Dinner, seven tomorrow then you can take me to a club. I love to dance and haven't been clubbing in ages."

"That sounds like a date. I don't do dates." Brian wavered.

Justin escorted Brian to the door, "Well I guess that's your call as well. I hope you change your mind."

Justin slid the door shut and exhaled, leaning against the door to revel in the butterflies he had longed for earlier. His heart rate returned to normal and his stomach growled reminding him of his abandoned dinner just as Daphne, sporting a terrible case of bed head and wearing only a long t-shirt and panties, walked a tall, dark and beefy half-dressed cop out of her bedroom. "Thanks" she said opening the door.

"Anytime" he offered looking her over and pulling her in for a good-bye kiss. Justin cleared his throat as much to alert them to his presence as to save Daphne from a drawn out good-bye. She turned her face at the last-minute so he kissed her cheek and he winked at her discreetly. He knew she wasn't much for post-sex intimacy.

"Oh hey Jus" she offered, "Brayden, this is my roommate Justin".

"Justin, this is Brayden. He was just leaving." Allowing barely enough time for the men to exchange a "hey" before Daphne coaxed Brayden out and shut the door. Justin smiled and held up the bowl of pasta. "Hungry?" he asked.

"Starved" she answered with a real smile as she took the dish and pulled two forks from the drawer for the both of them.

"So how was he?" Justin laughed as they settled into the couch with their dinner and wine.

"Good enough" she shrugged, "long, thick but with a weird curve to the left. I hate when it's curved, throws me off when I'm giving head. I took one look and didn't even bother with it."

"He didn't seem to mind" he laughed, "think you'll see him again?"

She shook her head no and Justin dropped it. Daphne was very business-like when it came to sex. He wished she would find a real relationship if for no other reason to keep her distracted from his love life.

"Well Brian will be relieved to not get any more tickets. The food and the gum were funny but I hope you didn't sleep with that cop just to get him to write a ticket for you."

"That wasn't the only reason. It's been months and I was overdue. Having him write the parking ticket was just a perk. He actually suggested it. Brian was parked illegally. I restrained myself; I could have had him towed."

Justin rolled his eyes, "I think you need anger management classes."

Daphne punched him in the arm and laughed as they drank and ate and watched Orange is the New Black on Netflix. Their show ended and Justin brought up the dinner party over the dishes mentioning he had invited another guest.

"Oh my God, you have a date!" she gawked.

"Not a date exactly... Apparently he doesn't _do_ boyfriends or dates but I want you to be on your best behavior."

"What do you mean he doesn't _do_ dates?" Daphne asked confused. "…and when have I ever been rude to someone you liked?"

Justin shrugged, "That's just what he said when I asked him to go out after dinner tomorrow"

Daphne leaned over and kissed Justin on the cheek, "I'm sure he will change his mind when he finds out how incredible you are."

Brian returned to his loft after his conversation with Justin a bit conflicted. On one hand he thought it would be dangerous to pursue someone who so clearly the settle-down type. On the other hand the man was attractive and it had been ages since he fucked an artsy type. Since he really did need to smooth things over with his psycho roommate; he thought he would at least go to the dinner. Brian took off his clothes and moved to the bathroom for a shower. He hadn't been out in weeks and he needed to blow off some steam. As he went to shave, he took a look in the mirror, searching for signs that might reveal he was thirty-five and not thirty as he claimed to be. He smiled relived to find no wrinkles or gray hair but pulling on the skin around his neck and cheeks testing the elasticity of his skin. He lathered up his shaving cream smoothing it over his jaw and throat as he normally did but as he ran his hand down over his neck he noticed a small lump for the first time. It didn't hurt but it was definitely there; Brian ran his hand over the bump a few times concerned as to what it might be. He tried to push the abnormality out of his mind, confident that you couldn't see it unless you were really looking and continued shaving and showering for his night out.

Brian entered Babylon and, as always, it felt like coming home; although lately it seem to serve as a reminder he lived alone. His usual gang had all but abandoned the playground of their youth preferring to stay home with their husbands watching romantic comedies and turning in early. Ted had all but given up clubbing when he married Blake last year. Emmett's catering business meant he was rarely free weekends and evenings and if he was; he preferred snuggling with Drew to going out. Even Michael was living happily ever after with Ben in Toronto for the last year. They had moved when his separation from JR proved too much to take and Ben was able to find a great job teaching that gave him plenty of time to write. It was on the rare night when Brian felt like he was pushing the limits of being an over-the-hill club boy that he missed them the most. Five years ago he would be proud to be the last bachelor standing but lately it just seemed lonely especially when the latest twenty-something stud of Liberty Avenue came in and siphoned the hottest guys into the backroom. On those nights he would retreat to his office upstairs and work. Most nights the insecurities could be drunk or fucked away. For a man of thirty-five, Brian had maintained his looks, his body was near perfect and his reputation was legendary. Getting laid was not a difficult task; getting a satisfying lay was another story however. He remained amazed by how selfish the young men were these days; just wanting to lie there and be fucked or worse looking to Brian as some sort of sugar daddy to take care of them. Tonight the club was packed but no one caught Brian's eye; Brian hit the bar for a drink and sipped it facing the dance floor leaning one elbow on the bar top so he could survey the men as they entered the club.

After about an hour he noticed a young, fresh-faced, blond dancing in a crowd of twinkies. He watched him move, admiring the curve of his ass and the stamina and flexibility his dancing demonstrated. He kept his eyes on the man until the song changed to one of his liking. Brian took the final swig of his whiskey, set the empty glass down, and made his way to the dance floor. He maneuvered his way into the crowd to approach the man and whispered in his ear his best offer… to take him home and fuck him senseless. The man's eyes grew wide, pupils dilating in lust and one enthusiastic nod later he was on his way out the door.

Brian escorted the man to his bedroom, shedding his clothes as they walked and pushed him roughly to the bed. With Brian straddling him, the man relaxed, letting Brian kiss him from his belly button up his slim chest. Brian bit one of his nipples, making him moan, before kissing his way to the other nipple. He sucked it and bit, as the grasp from the man pulled him down with need. The man kissed him hard on the lips and panted, "Please I need this" he begged.

Brian stood up and removed his pants pulling the man up to a sitting position. "Suck my dick" he ordered. The man complied wrapping his mouth around Brian's length. Brian's eyes fluttered closed as he pushed into the back of the trick's throat. He concentrated on the warmth and wetness of the man pleasuring him but his mind wandered to another blond. "Justin" he moaned softly moving his hips roughly forcing his trick to take him to the back of his throat. As soon as the word left his mouth he cracked his lids to experience the image of the blond head bobbing before him, struggling to swallow his dick. Brian was relieved that he either hadn't heard him, didn't care or his name was actually Justin as well. Regardless Brian continued to slide his cock in and out of the boy's mouth until he felt close to orgasm. "Lie down and turn over" Brian ordered. He placed a condom and fucked the man into the mattress. As soon as he came; he went. Leaving Brian alone in his bed to wonder what the hell had happened and why he was preoccupied with thoughts of a man he had just met.

Brian woke up startled by a dream he couldn't remember. He felt terrible, not hung-over exactly, but feverish like he was coming down with something. He sat up and ran his hand through his hair surprised to find it was damp from perspiration. He stood up and went to the kitchen to retrieve a bottle of water and then to the bathroom to take a piss and pop some Advil. As he returned to his bed he noticed his sheets were soaked from his sweat and needed changing so he grumbled as he found the sheets and changed his linens before sinking back to the bed in exhaustion.

Brian woke up the next day tired but thankful he was feeling better. It took a monumental effort to get out of bed and ready. He worked most of the day on a project he had procrastinated, called Gus after his soccer game, and headed out to secure a bottle of Riesling and a bunch of tulips for Daphne before dinner. Since he was out he also took the liberty of picking up a dozen lemon bars for good measure.

At seven on the dot, Brian knocked on the door of Justin's apartment. "Come in" Daphne's voice called from inside.

Brian slid open the door juggling the lemon bars, flowers and wine and was greeted by a bright smile that quickly faded into a scowl. Daphne's entire face frowned at seeing Brian. "What are you doing here?" she asked before Justin rushed over to welcome Brian in.

"Hey glad you could make it" Justin spoke to Brian giving him a quick, chaste peck on the cheek and taking the container and inspecting the contents. "Yum, lemon bars….thanks"

"Look Daph…Brian brought lemon bars" he said to his stunned friend, holding it up for her inspection before putting them down on the table.

"Brian, I don't think you have properly met my roommate and best friend, Daphne. Daphne…this is Brian our neighbor upstairs and my guest." He spoke in a soothing tone that seemed to convey an agreement between them.

"Hello Daphne" Brian said. "I hope you like white wine and tulips"

Daphne gave Justin a death glare conveying she was on to his little ruse but still managed a forced smile. "Hi Brian, nice to meet you" she offered through gritted teeth but accepted the wine and flowers. "I'll just go put these in some water. Justin won't you help me?"

Justin excused himself and followed a very unhappy woman into the open kitchen as Brian stood awkwardly in the entryway pretending he couldn't overhear their heated exchange.

Just as Justin was explaining that he didn't care what Daphne thought he would make his own decisions about who he fucked, a knock at the door ended the discussion. Daphne opened the door and greeted the next guest with a warm hug. The man who was dressed in medical scrubs was introduced to Brian as Daphne's brother Marcus.

"Your Brian from upstairs?" Marcus asked looking at Justin with a knowing glance that unnerved Brian.

"Yeah" Brian confirmed.

"Dude, you have some serious balls. Good luck with my sister" he said through laughter, patting Brian on the shoulder like a man about to eat his last meal.

Brian didn't have time to question Justin on Marcus's comment before they were joined by three more guests. Fi, short for Fiona, was a petite red-head with dazzling green eyes that Daphne worked with at the paper. Liam was another artist and a friend of Justin's from school. Liam's boyfriend Josh was a teacher who ran an early childhood center and afterschool program. Brian took only a few minutes before he relaxed enough to enjoy the conversation and company. He even laughed at the easy banter between Justin and Daphne reminding him of his relationship with Lindsay before she moved away.

"Brian you look familiar" Josh said, "Have we met?"

In the company of gay men, this question was almost always answered by running through places where they might have fucked but Brian decided it was probably not going to win him any points with Daphne or Justin for that matter particularly if he exposed their friend was cheating on his boyfriend. Since he was not among family he opted for a safer response….denial. "I don't think so" Brian offered nonchalantly.

"No, do you have kids?" he persisted.

"Yes" Brian answered, "but he lives with his mothers in Canada"

"You have a kid?" Justin asked in surprise.

Brian nodded seizing an opportunity to sprinkle in some flattery, "I fathered a child for a friend of mine and her wife. Lindsay and I were best friends in school like you and Daphne. You remind me of her Daphne; she's talented as well, an artist, like you and protective of me, like you are with Justin."

"Wow, I didn't picture you as a dad. What's his name?" Justin asked.

"Gus" Brian answered, pulling out his wallet to show off his latest school picture. "He's almost six now"

Justin handed the picture back to Brian and flashed a wide smile. "He's beautiful like his dad" Justin flirted.

Brian smiled proudly, his heart warmed by Justin's admiration and interest in his son. He replaced the picture in his wallet.

Daphne took one look at the smitten Justin and felt a need to break up the tender moment. "Well I'm starving, time to eat!" she announced before bouncing to the kitchen to pull out the lasagna and salad to the table.

Brian waited to be told where to sit and pulled Justin's chair out for him, winning him another bright smile from Justin but a return of Daphne's scowl. "This is wonderful" he complimented as he took his first few bites directing his comment to Daphne.

"Actually I cooked" Justin clarified. "Thanks. It's hard to mess up lasagna."

Brian smiled at Justin, feeling that warmth settle over him once again. He was actually kind of sweet, as well as being sexy as fuck; a rare combination for a man and one Brian found highly arousing.

* * *

A/N: Please share your thoughts so far. Reviews keep me motivated and make my day.


	3. Chapter 3

The dinner conversation flowed freely between the guests with only a slight tension between Daphne and Brian remaining after they polished off the third bottle of wine. Brian didn't say much preferring to study the dynamics of the table at play. Daphne and Fiona appeared to have no shortage of topical local events to bring up when the conversation settled into a natural lull. Fi was the lifestyle section editor for the local paper and used Daphne for pictures on a regular basis. Liam was very knowledgeable about the local art scene and chatted excitedly about the upcoming First Friday event he was participating in. Josh regularly chimed in to brag about his boyfriend's talent and the two bantered back and forth in a comfortable sparring that demonstrated their considerable affection for each other. Brian felt most comfortable talking to Marcus, which was odd since he was the lone straight man at the table, but he was closer to Brian's age and didn't care about pop culture all that much, preferring to ask Brian about his work rather than if he preferred Lady Gaga to Katy Perry.

"So you really own your own company?" Marcus asked Brian after he told him he was an ad man who started his own agency, "That's impressive."

"Thanks" Brian replied looking up at Justin to see if he was equally impressed.

"Kinnetik?" Josh asked excitedly.

"Yeah" Brian replied surprised that Josh had guessed the name of his company since he wasn't in the business, "How'd you know that?"

"That's where I know you. Your company donated generously to the Children's Hospital, the new cancer wing. My parents are on the board. I must have seen you at the fundraisers."

"Oh wow, I worked there as part of my oncology fellowship", Marcus chimed in, "It's a great facility."

Brian looked at the faces around the table and felt an unusual flush of modesty. In all honesty, he had made the donation at Ted's insistence. He insisted they had to up their charitable giving to reduce their tax burden. He had chosen the Children's Hospital at Lindsay's suggestion and the oncology wing was just their biggest need at the time. He couldn't recall going to the fundraisers except when publicity needs called for it and, of course, to present the big check. Brian waved off the accolades with a vague comment about tax liability since he was loath to give Justin a false impression of his true nature.

Justin had trouble staying upright at the latest revelation into Mr. Brian Kinney. He felt like he was melting into a puddle of gooey love sickness. Not only was Brian sexy and successful but he was modest, a doting father and a philanthropist to boot. No matter how much Justin might have told himself this was meant to be a passionate affair devoid of meaning, a way to scratch his considerable itch, there was no denying he was falling hard for his enigma of a neighbor. He gave Daphne a look with such dreamy eyes he completely conveyed to her his utter infatuation with man she had been tormenting. The exchange, while silent and unnoticed by the rest of the table, was more than enough to melt Daphne's heart and help her decide to place her hostility towards Brian on hold to see how things played out.

"Brian, you should come with us to Justin's show next week. It's Friday at the Gallery on Third" Daphne said with a genuine smile to a stunned reception of the group.

"I would love to see Justin's work" Brian replied with a wide smile, "That is if Justin is agreeable".

Justin nodded enthusiastically, "It's just a few pieces but I would love for you to see them. Maybe we can get some dinner afterwards?" He added as an afterthought.

Brian bit his lower lip and cringed a little. Seeing his show was one thing, Brian was always happy to celebrate a well-deserved accomplishment. But the dinner invitation was definitely a date. Justin was already giving him strong signals that he wanted more than a casual fuck buddy type of relationship and agreeing to dinner would just send the wrong message.

Brian back pedaled not-so-subtly, "Not sure if I can do dinner. I usually have plans Friday night but I will try and stop by the show after work…if I have time."

Justin's face fell from the sting of the rejection and his own stupidity of asking Brian out in front of a group. Why couldn't he had just suggested dinner at the show, it would have been less threatening to Brian who already told him he didn't date.

The dinner continued but after a few minutes of awkward paused discussion Justin stood up to clear the dishes, needing to get away from the table for a few minutes to get a grip. Brian grabbed some dishes and followed Justin into the kitchen sensing the shift in Justin's mood. They worked silently loading the dishwasher and putting food away. As much as Brian wanted to deny it his entire body was aware of Justin's proximity of his height, his smell, his body heat. They reached for the same dish and their hands closed around in tandem; heat burst in Brian's stomach rocketing awareness of his lust to all points south. Good grief, he thought, I need to get a fucking grip. Both of them avoiding the obvious sexual tension built up, the made quick work of the cleaning duties.

"So did you still want to go dancing?" Brian asked, placing a hand on the counter to avoid touching Justin again.

"Sure" Justin nodded surprised Brian still wanted to go. "I need to change" he added as he went to leave the kitchen. Brian reached out without thinking and wrapped his arm around Justin's thin waist.

Justin paused letting Brian's hand settle on his hip and feeling the electricity shoot from his fingertips up his spine. Both men just stared letting their brains catch up to their bodies, eyes locked in lustful longing. Brian didn't like the awkwardness that had grown between them after their dinner conversation and felt the needed to clear the air but before he could speak, he needed just one kiss. One taste. He tilted his head slightly and ran his hand around to Justin's back, feeling the small indent above the curve of his ass. He ran the hand up slowly, purposefully, until it settled on the nape of his neck. Brian descended the few inches to meet the level of Justin's lips with his own slowly, cautiously, giving Justin every opportunity to pull back or lean in. Justin held his breath at the endless wait for Brian to meet him where he was, waiting for Brian to claim him. With just inches left to go, Brian pulled Justin's neck towards him and crashed their lips together for the first time. Justin could taste the wine on his tongue and the faint aroma of garlic and basil from the marina sauce from his hot breath. He pushed into Brian's body, pressing his considerable hardness into Brian without concern. _Yes, Now, Want, Need _running through Justin's mind as he lost all awareness of where he was. Brian pulled Justin impossibly close, pressing their chest and abdomens together. The world faded away, replaced by a warming sensation that filled him. He lived inside that long, intense kiss, wanting more. He felt Justin's erection pressed into his pelvis and his entire body shuttered. Justin kissed him like he needed him to breathe, desperate for their connection. The intensity was too much and shook Brian to his core. Justin whimpered as Brian pulled away.

"Oh damn" Justin moaned once he found enough air to breathe again. "I hope you fuck like you kiss" Justin whispered as he tried to reconnect his lips to Brian.

Brian took a moment to shore up his guard that Justin has so easily snuck around. What the hell was he doing? Brian stiffed up his shoulders and ran his hands through his hair like nothing had happened.

"Hey" Justin whispered, "What are you thinking?" he asked softly seeing the change in Brian's demeanor.

"I'm thinking you are the boyfriend type and I don't want there to be a misunderstanding about what this is." Brian spoke with an unfeeling hardness to his voice.

"And what is this Brian? You had to feel something with that kiss. I know you want me." Justin added.

"It's not a matter of wanting you. I'd fuck you right here but you live in my building and I don't want you to think this is more complicated than what it is."

"Complicated?" Justin questioned. "I'm not a child. I know what this is."

"You are far from a child from what I felt pushing against me Justin. I'm sure you will be a fantastic lover or partner or whatever…for someone. But this, you and me, this is sex and sex only. I don't do romance. I don't do dates and I don't do boyfriends."

Justin felt sick to his stomach but even knowing how Brian felt he couldn't deny the heat between them and how much he wanted him. "I know, you told me." he answered trying to keep a strong voice, "Let's go dance. I want to go dancing."

Justin waited out the last of his dinner guests to leave before changing his clothes and meeting Brian at his place. "Should we cab it? We've both been drinking." Justin asked from the door as Brian turned in to grab his wallet.

"Yeah. I already called." Brian replied, "Is Babylon okay?"

"I guess. I've never been there." Justin smiled as he spoke, "Your choice"

Justin held his hand to Brian's back as they walked, holding his posture as he always did with Eric, protective and loving. It felt natural to Justin but Brian seemed off-put by the guiding touch. He side-stepped away from Justin as the entered the elevator and Justin dropped his arm to his side before putting his hand in his pocket.

They shared a silent cab ride leaving Brian time to stew over their earlier kiss and wonder exactly what being inside him would feel like. Justin scooted closer to him and rested his hand on the upper part of Brian's thigh and nudged his shoulder so he was relaxing into his side. He let Justin body settle against him, just resting there for a minute before making eye contact with Justin's bright blue eyes.

"What are you doing?" Brian asked unaccustomed to being the recipient of such an intimate touch and the comfortable ease in which Justin snuggled against him.

"Does it bother you that I'm touching you?" Justin smiled mischievously running his hand over Brian's thigh squeezing slightly.

Before Brian could answer, the cab pulled up to the entrance of Babylon and Justin pulled a twenty out for the fifteen dollar fare and scooted out of the cab. He turned offering his hand to Brian to help pull him out. Brian placed his hand on the door frame and gave Justin a confused expression. "I can get out of a car on my own" he explained.

"Sorry, just trying to be nice" Justin shrugged, "wow, looks like a popular place" Justin said as he gestured to the long line of men waiting to get inside.

Brian laughed mockingly, "It's okay. I know the owner. Follow me."

Brian walked past the line into the club giving a nod to the bouncer who was working the front door. Justin marveled at the sweat slicked, half-dressed bodies who appeared to part for Brian allowing them to maneuver easily through the packed dance floor to the bar.

"What are you drinking?" Brian shouted to Justin over the music.

"Whatever you're having" Justin replied with a wide smile.

Brian held up two fingers to the bartender who left a crowd of men to pour two generous Jim Beams. Brian took the drinks and handed one to Justin.

"You drink free?" he asked confused since no money was exchanged.

Brian nodded with a grin and swallowed his drink in one swig. Justin followed suit letting a little dribble from the corner of his mouth when the shot proved to be too much for one drink. He blushed slightly embarrassed as he wiped away the spilled liquid with the back of his hand. "Let's dance" Justin suggested knowing he would redeem himself on the dance floor.

Brian led them out to the floor and pulled Justin tight against him. Justin felt the beat of the music and moved against Brian in a sensual rhythm for several songs enjoying the freedom the dancing gave him to run his hand over Brian's body. Brian's muscles were aching from the dancing and he was ready for a break. Justin tilted his head to kiss Brian only to find him looking intently down at him. "I needed this" Justin said meaning the dancing, "It's been a long time"

"Really?" Brian said as he ran his hand over Justin's ass and pulled him hard against him so their semi-hard cocks brushed together under their jeans. "Any other needs I can satisfy for you?" he asked stroking his hair.

Justin's eyes darkened and filled with lust at the offer. Brian yanked Justin towards the backroom intent on ending this extended flirtation. Justin let himself be pulled thinking they were getting another round. As Brian bypassed the bar, Justin grew concerned. He had heard of the backroom before but never ventured into one. He was admittedly aroused by the thought of public sex but worried the idea of it might be more enticing than the reality. He pulled back on Brian's hand to slow them down. "Let's get a drink" Justin said nodding to the bar.

"Seriously?" Brian asked but he allowed Justin to steer them back to the bar.

Brian watched as Justin sipped his drink painfully slow and grew concerned. "I'm not into being teased Sunshine" he whispered.

"Sorry, I'm not trying to be a tease. I've never actually done this sort of thing before. I'm just kind of nervous." Justin confessed leaning into his ear, kissing along his neck and biting his earlobe gently to convey he was still very much interested.

Brian pulled back to study Justin's face. "You mean you have never done it with an audience, right? You'll love it."

"Yeah, that" Justin smiled nervously. "Do you think we can go back to your place?"

"When's the last time you participated in pure hedonistic fun?" Brian urged, knowing that fucking Justin in the backroom would be a lot less intimate than in his loft. He was still wary of Justin's expectations of a relationship.

Justin laughed, "Never" he confessed again. "I sort of came out and immediately had a boyfriend. We just broke up; so this is all new to me."

"You mean you've never had meaningless, unattached sex before?" Brian asked.

Justin shook his head no and the alarm bells went off in Brian's head. "Let's go. I'm taking you home."

"Good!" Justin laughed.

"Not to my home…to yours." Brian clarified when he was safely in the cab, "I also don't do virgins. They get too attached."

"Brian, I'm not a virgin and I'm not looking for you to be my one and only. Maybe pure hedonistic fun is exactly what I need." Justin said with such confidence Brian almost believed him. The truth was Justin believed in falling in love and he believed in monogamous relationships. He also knew since the kiss they shared he would have to turn his heart off with Brian so he wouldn't get attached.

"So what's next?" Justin asked as they climbed out of the cab and stood at the elevator. His erection had died a slow death over the course of the conversation, but it wouldn't take much to get it back.

"If you're sure you want this…," Brian spoke as he leaned into Justin and kissed a trail along his jaw to his ear, "…then I would be happy to instruct you in all manners of hedonistic fun."

Justin leaned over Brian and pushed six on the panel while pulling Brian into him roughly so he was pinned against the wall under his weight. He wanted to have sex with Brian more than almost anything. He was sick of being inexperienced, of hearing how amazing it was to have someone inside of you and not knowing for himself.

As Brian opened up his door he hesitated only briefly. What is the worst that could happen, so Justin got a little attached? Having his friends all living their lives, settling down, Brian did sometimes consider trying out a relationship of his own. Not a rings-and-vows type of relationship where his heart was involved but something more than a fuck buddy wouldn't be the worst thing.

Justin watched as Brian went to the kitchen and took out a bottle of water, offering him one as well. He took the water and looked around the large, open loft.

"It's not what I expected" Justin commented as he noticed the single bedroom and bathroom raised in the center of the otherwise open space. Justin took a seat on the couch as he waited for Brian to join him. Brian sat down next to Justin and rested his hand on his thigh. Justin's smile was tight with nerves. Brian's face revealed a flicker of new concern that Justin might call the whole thing off.

"Cool place" Justin finally said to break the ice again, which was kind of lame but true.

"Do you want something more than water to drink?" Brian asked.

"Whatever you're having is fine" Justin said as Brian poured them two Bourbons and handed one to him.

"Can I ask you something?" Brian said tentatively tossing back his drink.

"Go ahead"

"Why do you want to do this?" Brian asked, "You could probably find a boyfriend if you wanted to."

"Have you ever had a boyfriend?" Justin asked casually.

Brian shook his head and waited for Justin to continue.

"Well things were great with Eric at first. Really hot and I was crazy about him. I could not get enough of his ass. Then it just wasn't anymore. Nothing changed, he was the same guy; I was the same guy but we had some issues in bed and I started to feel like I was missing out. I just want to be able to fuck and suck and have fun without having to meet anyone's parents or argue over not spending enough time together."

Brian laughed dismissively, "Justin you could have practically anything you want, anytime you want. Hell just use Grindr and they will come to you."

"You probably don't want to know this but there are some things I want that I don't really want to do with a stranger."

"Oh?" Brian asked, "And what's that?"

Justin blushed but at this point, he thought he would lay it all on the line. "I've never bottomed for one, or been rimmed. Eric wasn't versatile or adventurous really."

"Giving a rim job to your boyfriend is not adventurous." Brian corrected.

"Anything else?" Brian asked becoming aroused at Justin's admission.

Justin placed his hands over his face to cover his reddened cheeks. Brian was intrigued but also painfully aroused at the thought of being Justin's first top. He pulled down Justin's hand until they were free of his eyes, "Don't tell me now. It will be more fun when you beg me for it later."

"You want to go to the bedroom?" Brian asked in such a flirty way that it sent a bolt to Justin's groin, reminding him exactly why he had come. He drained his drink in one long pull, the put the glass down.

"Definitely"

Justin took in the details of Brian's bedroom. It was sparse and sophisticated and didn't really reveal much about Brian's life. The room was clean without a speck of dust anywhere and the bed made. Justin turned and found Brian standing very close behind him, his hazel eyes intent.

Without pretext, Brian attacked Justin's mouth, and Justin took what he gave. Their bodies pressed together both semi-hard erections pushing against each other only fueling their lust. Hands pulled at Justin's shirt and arms and pressed at his hips. Brian drank in the sweetness of Justin's mouth, opening his own in an invitation for further exploration. They were both fully hard and panting by the time they broke the kiss.

"Can I suck you off?" Justin asked.

Brian cracked a smile, "Hell yes" he said as he unbuttoned his jeans.

Justin sank straight to his knees and pulled Brian's jeans down to the floor. Brian kicked out of his jeans, and then yanked off his shirt. Justin studied Brian's naked body memorizing the image, and the absolute intensity of the moment sent a surge of arousal through him.

Brian threaded his fingers in the blond hair, feeling the softness against his skin, in what he hoped was an encouraging touch. Justin pressed up against Brian's touch as he placed teasing laps of his tongue over the tip of Brian's cock as if it were a lollipop. Brian's hand tightened in Justin's hair and he had to force his fingers to relax.

Justin screwed his lips around the Brian's length and took in what he could, working his tongue on the underside. He soon settled into a rhythm with his mouth and hand that had Brian moaning in pleasure. Brian let himself be noisy, when he was normally quiet because he wanted Justin to know it felt good, it felt great in fact.

Justin licked and sucked and stroked Brian until his thighs trembled. Brian had both hands in Justin's hair, and watched his cock sliding between perfect red lips.

"God I want to fuck your mouth" Brian murmured.

Justin pulled off, "Do it" he said. His words were almost a challenge.

Brian held Justin's head and thrust his hips into the amazing heat until his climax was eminent. "Close" he called as Justin gagged slightly and swallowed around him. The back of his throat contracted, milking him in the most amazing way.

Justin shot Brian a look letting him know not to stop, the renewed fervor he brought to his task was all the permission Brian needed. Justin brought Brian to the back of his throat and gagged again sending a vibration up Brian's spine. Brian managed an incoherent garble of noises and then pleasure blasted through him as he came. Brian swayed a little on his feet as the last remnants of his orgasm flitted away. He pulled Justin up and kissed him hard, tasting himself in the kiss. Justin's erection pressed into his thigh and Brian couldn't wait to taste him as well.

"That was fucking awesome" Brian said only to be rewarded with a huge smile. "Take your clothes off and get into bed."

The dirtiness of Brian's words and the perfection of his authoritative tone sent a jolt straight to Justin's dick. He did as he was told, scooting his ass to the center of the bed, spreading his legs as Eric used to do for him when he really wanted it.

Brian climbed in and knelt between Justin's legs. "You want me to fuck you?" Brian asked, "You want to have my cock buried in your ass, don't you?"

Justin licked his lips at the question and just lay back as an answer.

Brian loomed over him and lowered himself until he was settled on top of him, chest to chest. He kissed him in a long, sensual kiss. Justin stroked Brian's back and brought his legs up to cradle his hips. Justin's erection rubbed against Brian's stomach with just enough friction to keep him hard but not enough to send him over the edge.

Brian kissed his way down Justin's throat, leaving his skin aching for more contact. Brian worked his nipples using just a slight tug with his teeth to bring the nubs a jolt of pain that quickly subsided into a pleasurable sensitivity.

"Roll over" Brian ordered.

Justin's nerves heightened but he quickly complied as Brian arranged a pillow under his hips, which pushed his ass into the air. He nearly strained his neck trying to look behind him and he almost objected since Brian hadn't readied any supplies. Justin's erection was trapped between the pillow and his belly demanding friction. Brian hovered over Justin, taking in the beauty of the slender body beneath him and the delicious round globes of Justin's ass. He slowly began kissing a trail down Justin's spine, holding Justin's arms pinned to the bed below. Brian paused just at the small indent above Justin's ass. Justin struggled under the weight of Brian's pressure until Brian released his arms and pulled his cheeks apart in one motion. Before Justin could think, he felt the wetness of Brian's tongue flick at his hole. Another flick, then Brian was working his opening into a dilated, pulsing state. He stabbed at the tight muscle with his tongue with such vigor, Justin was incoherent. He couldn't keep up with the sensations or emotions. Brian was rimming him and he pushed back against Brian's mouth, wanting more until he felt himself open and Brian's tongue wiggled its way into his ass.

"Holy fuck" Justin cried, grasping at the sheets with his fists in vain, "Oh God"

While Justin was writhing under him, Brian introduced one finger, then another, into Justin's greedy hole. Justin pushed back as the fingers slipped inside him, working him, over and over. Justin was so close, his climax dangled just out of reach and he could have let himself go but that wasn't what he wanted.

"Stop" he gasped "I don't want to come until you're inside me"

Brian stopped his motion and pulled his fingers clear slowly and motioned for Justin to flip over.

Brian stroked his hand over Justin's cock to remind him of how close he was until Justin grabbed his wrist and stilled his hand. "What do you want Justin. Tell me?"

Justin didn't hesitate, "Fuck me" he begged.

"Do you want to ride me so you have more control?" Brian asked as he removed a condom and lube from his bedside table.

"No, I don't want control" Justin said, "Like this" as he climbed onto his hands and knees and wiggled his ass a little for show.

A warm hand stroked down his back, waking up the nerve endings and making his skin feel tingles. Hands stroked up and down his sides, and a kiss landed on his back between his shoulder blades. Then blunt pressure at his ass made his gasp. He forced himself to relax, to stay calm and enjoy the sensation of being filled. Despite having fucked himself on toys as large as Brian, Justin gasped at the sting and the stretch. Brian pulled out slightly and worked his way back in. Sliding in and out each time pushing himself a little deeper. The pain settled into a light burn and Justin dropped his head down to the bed which changed the angle enough that Brian brushed over his pleasure center with every thrust.

Justin stopped trying to quiet the noises Brian was eliciting from his throat. He let go, allowing his body to move back, demanding more. Taking everything. "Yes, God, Fuck me" Justin moaned. "Harder" he begged.

Brian had held back given Justin's inexperience but hearing his cries, let loose. He reached around to Justin's cock and squeezed as Justin fucked forward into it. They moved in a perfect synchronicity until his hand was coated with Justin's cream. He fucked him right through his orgasm almost to the brink of pain until Brian couldn't hold back any longer.

Justin heard the sound of latex snapping, and then a loud grunt as warm semen splattered onto his back. Brian collapsed on the bed next to him, covered in sweat and breathing hard. Justin gave Brian a satisfied smile although he was acutely aware of the blissful ache filling both his ass and his heart.


	4. Chapter 4

Brian had an unsettling feeling from the moment he came and saw Justin looking at him. It stayed with him the first few minutes they basked in their post-coital haze in bed and throughout the hot shower they shared moments after. It was still with him the next morning when he awoke in his empty bed. Brian had a firm life philosophy of never having regrets but the feeling felt suspiciously like guilt. Guilt that he had crossed a line with Justin knowing he would want more regardless of what he said. It was the same feeling he always had after he gave Michael a glimmer of hope that they could be more than friends someday.

Justin woke up and left his bed with a barely concealed limp that advertised his discomfort. He waddled into the kitchen ravenous with hunger and was surprised to find Daphne fixing breakfast. "Hey" he offered, kissing her cheek. "Smells good"

"Thanks, I thought you might still be with Brian" she said genuinely surprised to see him.

"I left his place around three. You should see it Daphne, it's amazing."

"I guess you got what you wanted then." Daphne said with only a hint of irritation. She was trying to keep a supportive front but deep down she had a bad feeling. Justin was a different person around Brian last night. He had never looked at Eric the way he looked at Brian, like he wanted to crawl inside him and go to sleep. She was worried about her friend falling too hard, too fast.

Justin nodded, "and then some. It was the best sex I have ever had. He was amazing."

Daphne forced a smile and plated their breakfast, sharing hers with Justin since she had made more than enough for both. She handed him a plate and moved to the table.

Justin recognized Daphne's quiet demeanor as her "if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all" front and visibly stewed at her poor reaction. He frowned to show his disappointment. "C'mon I need you Daphne" he said, "I'm confused".

Daphne sighed, "All right, talk it out then. I will do my best to be objective."

"So everything was going great, we went dancing at this club. Then he wanted to go in the back where like anything goes. I mean guys just fucking everywhere."

"Ewww" Daphne said wrinkling her nose. "People still do that? I don't even want to think of what that floor is covered in. I hope you didn't go. That is so beneath you."

"Daphne, you're not helping" Justin frowned again.

She gave him an apologetic look that told him to continue. "…So I told him I wasn't into that and he kind of accused me of being a cock-tease because, I mean, you should have seen the way we danced. Jaws were dropping; he just oozes sex appeal. One touch and I would have come in my pants."

Daphne nodded in acknowledgement and moved her hand in a circular motion to encourage him to speed up the story. She had witnessed the sexual chemistry first hand at dinner and imagined it would be that much more intense with the dancing and music.

"Well I finally convinced him I was only after sex too and he brought me back to his place and, like I said, the sex was amazing. Then we showered together and I went to get dressed, like you know, not wanting to presume he wanted me to stay the night." Justin said excitedly.

"Good plan" Daphne agreed with an approving nod.

"Yeah, I thought so too, except then he pulls me to the bed half-dressed and just runs his hands all through my wet hair and stares at me for like the longest time. Then he kissed me. Not a foreplay kind of kiss either but a real kiss like a your-the-only-one-I-want kind of kiss. So, of course, I wanted to stay in his bed and we started to go at it again. Then it happened…"

"What?" Daphne asked completely engaged in his story.

"Well I was lying on top of him, kissing, and we were both naked and hard. He sort of spread his legs so I thought, you know, that he wanted to switch it up. So I grabbed a condom and started putting it on and then, I'm not kidding, he freaked the fuck out."

"Oh my God" Daphne cried, genuinely mortified for Justin. "What did he say?"

"He told me again how, you know, it was just sex and he did this whole spiel about always being the top. It just was total Déjà vu. The same panic Eric had when I wanted him to top. I tried to say it was no big deal that I just misread his signal but I could tell he wanted me to leave, so I did."

"That's how you left it?" Daphne asked.

"Yeah, it was so bizarre. I mean I know most gay men prefer one way to another but to be so adamant that they are never willing to go the other way, ever! What are the odds I find two like that? I can't imagine being so ridged or at least just explaining, you know, just saying you're not versatile rather than having a meltdown over it."

"So what are you going to do?" Daphne asked concerned.

"I don't know. I am so attracted to him but this actually helped me because I don't think I want a real relationship with him now. I think it would be just as unsatisfying as with Eric; I don't want to always be the bottom any more than I always want to be the top. So it really can be just sex for me too. I think I will give him a few days and see if he comes to my show this Friday. Maybe we can just be friends who have amazing sex."

"I don't know Justin; you don't seem like the fuck buddy type." Daphne cautioned.

"Well I got involved with Eric so quickly, I'm not sure I know what type I am. Brian is probably the perfect guy to help me figure out what I need and he's not looking for anything other than a fuck so if Mr. Right does come along I won't be too distracted to see him." Justin rationalized.

Daphne took their empty plates into the kitchen unconvinced Justin's plan would work. She preferred detached sex much like Brian but Justin wasn't like her or him; he loved easily and had a natural instinct to take care of people. She just hoped he would come to his senses before he got too hurt.

Brian smoked a cigarette lying in bed recalling the events of the last evening. Things were going so well until Justin started dressing after their shower. Brian felt a sudden ache at the realization that Justin was planning to leave_. Why didn't he just let him leave?_ It was rare he even let men shower before kicking them out, let alone spend the entire night. But Justin had washed him in the shower, ran his hands over his body in such a gentle way, not even sexual, just gentle and caring. It had felt so good to be taken care of in that way, so foreign to him to have someone just want to do something for him, no strings attached. He rested his head against the shower wall and let Justin wash him, even massaging the shampoo into his scalp; it was incredible and strangely erotic. So he pulled Justin down to stop him from leaving. He pulled him down on top of him and he kissed him, like no kiss he had ever given before. There was this fleeting moment when Brian thought he wanted Justin inside of him; wanted to let him continue what they started in the shower. It wasn't as if Brian had never bottomed before but it was rare and had been years and the desire had never been like that. It was never about letting another man take care of his needs, it was certainly never about being vulnerable and wanting to feel loved.

Brian pushed himself up out of his bed and forced himself to get moving for the day. Today was Sunday and his day normally consisted of getting the paper and reading it at the Liberty Diner over breakfast before heading to work for a few hours. He decided sticking with his routine would be the best way to avoid thinking about Justin and over-analyzing his reaction to last night. He dressed quickly and headed to the diner, picking up a paper along the way.

Once seated at his normal countertop chair, he flipped open the paper noticing Fiona and Daphne's credits under the articles and pictures for the first time. He waited for his coffee, something he was still unaccustomed to doing, since Deb had finally really retired at Carl's insistence. Now his honorary mom spent the warm months in Toronto close to her grandkids and the cold months in the Sunshine State with all the other retired snowbirds. Brian continued to read the Life and Style section he normally discarded pleased to see a small blurb about Justin's show even if it was just a mention of the Emerging Artist exhibit at the Gallery on Third, not his name in particular. He finished breakfast and headed to work starting his six-day work week on a high note.

Justin threw on his normal Sunday attire: old jeans and a football jersey; the clothes that he usually painted in because he didn't care if they were ruined. The football jersey was one of many he owned, all gifts from his father. Justin's dad had a tough time with his being gay; he only told his parents after he got the scholarship to PIFA and knew he didn't need their money for school. Prior to his parent's divorce, Justin tried to compensate for his father's disappointment by faking being a football fan. He figured it would be something to bond with his dad over. It at least gave them something to talk about. When he first introduced Eric to his parents; Justin recognized his dad had made strides partially because he mistakenly viewed Justin as the "man" in their relationship and that was easier for him to accept. Eric was not overly effeminate; Justin never saw or treated him as anything other than a man but he was more obviously gay than Justin and had a higher voice and softer qualities. He liked being taken care of and deferred to Justin on most decisions so he acknowledged his dad's perspective was probably in-line with most straight men of his dad's generation. He never felt the need to correct his dad's mistake by explaining that being gay meant there were two men in the relationship, no one was the "woman" and that was kind of the point.

Justin entered the small studio space he shared with Liam in the back of Josh's school. It was a god-send that they were able to find something like this after graduation since PIFA did not allow graduates to continue to use student space. Liam greeted him and asked him about his night with Brian. Justin spared him the details but raved about the sex since that was the part that Liam was most interested in anyways.

Justin worked on his latest painting and listened to Madonna's Ray of Light on his ipod for inspiration. He was, like most new artists, struggling to find a balance between work he was really inspired to do and work he thought had commercial appeal or might land him an agent. The piece he was currently working on was definitely more to appease the commercial side and he was struggling over it. He had thus far enjoyed some mild success at showing his own work but thankfully made an adequate living working for a small company who created educational computer games for schools. Luckily, in addition to getting his Bachelors of Fine Arts he had secured a certificate in 3D animation so was more marketable and the company he interned with his senior year offered him full-time work. He also made some extra money offering art lessons to the kids at Josh's school.

Justin was interrupted when Josh came in to pick Liam up for lunch. He watched his two friends as they moved around the small space with flirty touches and stolen kisses. He remembered Liam's reaction when he first met Josh sophomore year. They met online, like so many couples he knew, both gay and straight, had. Liam had come into class after their first meeting just ga-ga over Josh. Everything for weeks was Josh this and Josh that. Once they were finally introduced, Justin did think Josh was a fantastic guy but to hear Liam talk, you would think he was the most beautiful, most intelligent, wittiest man that ever walked the face of the earth. Their relationship was full of up's and down's over the years and Justin bore witness to both the fanatical love they had when they were together and the tremendous heartache and longing when they were not. By the time of Josh and Liam's first break-up, he and Eric were already cozy in coupledom. They were the envy of most of their friends with seemingly a drama-free, stable relationship but Justin recalled wishing for some of the intensity that came with Josh and Liam's type of relationship. It was the first time he considered Eric and his lack of passion as a bad thing; that maybe they might be better as friends. Eric on the other hand, regularly made comments about how lucky they were that they never disagreed on anything. Justin didn't say much although he was tempted to point out that they never disagreed because Eric rarely had an opinion on anything that mattered.

The remainder of the weekend passed without much fanfare. Justin finished his painting; Brian worked on his latest campaign. Monday morning came too soon for both. Brian left for work at 6:30 am, an hour earlier than usual, to make up for the doctor's appointment he was hoping to make that day. He told himself it had nothing to do with wanting to avoid Justin. Nope, it had nothing to do with that. He took the stairs down, still avoiding the elevator as much as possible ,and ran smack dab into Justin leaving for work. Brian forgot about his motives at seeing Justin dressed up. Not wearing a suit but definitely on the business end of business casual. He looked remarkable.

"Hey" Brian said lamely after staring for too long to say nothing.

"Hi yourself" Justin replied as he followed Brian down the stairs matching the faster pace of his longer legs to stay with him.

"I thought you were an artist?" Brian asked, "I don't know many artist that start at 6:30."

"Well, I have to pay the bills and that means a day job. My boss lets me work early so I can still do this afterschool art program at Josh's school."

"Ah, well that explains it. When do you work on your own stuff?"

"On the weekends and after work if I don't have any students."

Brian paused as he entered the landing leading to the garage where he now paid to park his car since his latest parking ticket. "Are you in the garage?" he asked to ascertain which way Justin was headed.

"No I take the bus. Starving artists don't have cars. I just work off of Liberty and Fifth" Justin laughed, slightly embarrassed and desperately trying to play it cool.

"That's near me. Do you want a ride?" Brian offered before he had a chance to think about what he was saying.

Justin lit up with a wide smile relieved that Brian wasn't acting too weird around him. "Sure. Thanks."

Justin climbed into Brian's corvette and instantly felt a need to rid them of the residual weirdness from the way they left things, "I just wanted to say I had a great time the other night." _Damn, did that sound too boyfriend-like?_

"Uh-huh, me too" Brian replied, not making eye contact.

"I'd like to, um, do it again sometime if you're still interested."

Brian gave Justin an odd expression that he couldn't interpret. It looked somewhat like surprise but not quite. "I usually don't do repeats but if you want to continue your introduction to debauchery, I guess I'm game" Brian offered testing the water with a suggestion, "it's been a while since I've done a threesome."

"Just so there are no more misunderstandings, I would like to continue to be friends as well. Hang out and go dancing if you're interested. Most of my gay friends are in relationships so it would be nice to have another single man to go out with. I'm just talking friends, with benefits, nothing more. Does that fit into your extensive list of life rules?" Justin mocked teasingly, feeling more at ease.

"Just as friends?" Brian confirmed, "No jealous bullshit or expectations about spending time together?"

Justin nodded agreement, "That is exactly what I had in mind."

"Okay then" Brian agreed as they pulled up to Justin's building.

"Give me your phone" Justin said right before he opened the door. Brian paused but entered the security code on his new phone and handed it over. Justin took it and entered his contact information into Brian's phone and then texted himself with it so he would have Brian's number as well. He handed the phone back to Brian with a flirty smile. "Text me when you want to get together or if you just want to fuck."

Brian nodded as Justin hopped out the car. Brian stared at his phone and noticed the text message Justin sent himself for the first time. The message said Brian Goodfuck and he laughed out loud at the compliment. Still as he drove to work he couldn't help notice the change in the way Justin looked at him. It was less puppy dog adoration and more lustful but also more removed. Brian was a little more disappointed about the change than he thought he should be. A fuck as good as Justin was practically on demand, just downstairs from him; it seemed like the perfect arrangement. _So why was he disappointed?_

Brian entered his office and handed his briefcase and jacket to his assistant. A young, pretty brunette woman, about twenty-five, named Diane or was it Diana? Cynthia had long ago been promoted to running their administrative functions. Diane was the third such executive assistant Cynthia had hired for him and she seemed to be working out okay. She was no Cynthia. She greeted him with his coffee and messages and ran down his day. He gave her a few tasks to do and she left him alone. His first order of business was to see if he could get into the doctor to have the lump on his neck checked out. He called his primary care doctor first and was told it would be next week before he could get an appointment. Reluctantly he called his oncologist next; the same doctor who previously diagnosed his testicular cancer still did his annual follow-up's. He couldn't see him until Friday at 2. He accepted the appointment after checking his calendar. He was irritated by the wait but the timeslot would allow him to knock off early, go to the appointment and then head to Justin's show.

Justin's week progressed in slow-motion. He became obsessed with checking his phone to the point even his co-worker made a comment about him "having it bad". Justin did have it bad but not in the school boy crush way; more in the 'I'm so fucking horny and want to get laid' way. He thought about texting Brian but he really thought it was better to let Brian make the first move. By Thursday his dick was raw from jacking off. He hadn't masturbated so frequently since he first hit puberty and discovered the treasure trove of internet gay porn sites and how to delete his browser history.

Finally on Thursday night while sitting with Daphne looking over some of her latest work he heard the special ring tone he had programmed for Brian. His phone was on the small end table on the other side of the couch. His heart jumped when he realized it was the King of Leon's song, Sex on Fire, playing and Justin practically knocked Daphne off the couch reaching for it.

"Jesus Justin" Daphne yelled, catching herself on the edge of the coffee table just in time.

"Sorry" he apologized insincerely as he punched in his code and navigated to his text messages. "It's him" he offered holding out his phone.

"I figured. First booty call?" she teased.

Justin nodded, "Oh my God, he wants to know what I'm doing tonight. What should I say?"

Daphne rolled her eyes, "You _should_ say that you're hanging out with me but you're _gonna_ say that you'll be right up."

Justin gave his best friend a disgusted look and then kissed her in an apologetic- sorry I'm ditching you to get laid- way and responded to Brian. He bounced off the couch to hurry and shower and change.

Forty minutes later he attempted a casual knock on Brian's door. Consciously trying to slow his breathing and chill the fuck out so he wouldn't appear to be an excitable puppy that was apt to pee all over his hardwood floor. When Brian opened the door, he sucked in a breath. He was shirtless and his jeans were left casually unbuttoned revealing a very happy, happy trail.

Justin had worn a fitted blue v-neck t-shirt that made his eyes pop and jeans that hugged his ass. He hoped it highlighted his best features while not giving the impression that he was trying too hard to look good.

Brian smiled at seeing Justin's outfit. He looked good, really good and he was instantly glad he had texted Justin. It had been a long day and he wanted to get laid without having to go search for someone at Babylon that probably wouldn't be half as good as Justin was anyway. "Hey, did you eat already?" Brian asked. "I brought home a pizza."

"Smells good," Justin said, "I can always eat."

Brian nodded and handed him a plate with two slices and grabbed two beers from the fridge. "How was your day?" Justin asked as they settled onto the floor cushions around Brian's coffee table.

"Long. We are in the middle of the Brown Athletic's new campaign." Brian said without elaboration. "Yours?" he asked almost out of obligation.

"Fine" Justin responded with a smile sensing Brian wasn't that interested. "I'm glad you called. I've wanted to see you all week."

"You should have texted." Brian replied, "it's a two way street, you know?"

Justin nodded and moved closer to Brian so his hand was resting on his thigh kneading the muscle underneath; "Yeah, I guess I should have" he flirted and leaned in to place a kiss on Brian's lips.

Brian kissed Justin and pulled back to be met with a wink as if to say, "I'm ready now"

Brian took the cue and abandoned the pizza. Kissing him deeper and pulling his shirt off. He pushed him gently until he flopped down on the long cushy pillows. He kissed a trail up his smooth chest, taking time to pause at his nipples and again at his neck. Justin was the perfect bottom, responsive to every touch, every kiss. By the time Brian made it back to his mouth, Justin's entire body was awake and wanting more. Brian leaned over pleased to feel an erection pushing against his own.

"Fuck me" Justin whispered.

Brian groaned at hearing the vulgar words falling from such innocent looking lips, and then kissed him hard, forcing his tongue into the cavity of Justin's open mouth. Brian manipulated them free of their jeans and smirked upon finding Justin had forgone underwear. Justin lifted his legs and wrapped them around Brian's waist, grinding up against him in a way that got his point across. Brian fumbled for lube and condoms he kept stashed in the living room. He worked a slicked finger into Justin but stopped when he noticed his young lover flinch at the intrusion.

"Too sore?" Brian asked, oddly concerned that Justin might be still feeling him so many days later.

"I'm fine" Justin assured him, "Please" he begged.

Brian prepped him more thoroughly than before and with uncharacteristic care given to his partner's comfort. He found his prostate and worked it with ease, enjoying the frenzied reaction it garnered. Since they were face to face, Brian enjoyed seeing Justin's reaction this time. He was so beautiful sprawled out with his legs open, eyes wide and dilated with lust, panting hard between moans.

"Enough, fuck me" Justin begged again.

Brian couldn't take his eyes off Justin's face as he pushed into him. He was mesmerized by every twitch, every sigh. The position let him better read Justin's body and adapt his speed and angle to perfection. Justin was in heaven, as much as he enjoyed their last time, the position was more intimate and gave more friction to his own cock that pressed between their abdomens as Brian moved on top of him. It was an unpracticed rhythm but it built their pleasure slowly and steadily. Justin thought it was different being on the receiving end face-to-face. Better.

Brian lasted longer than usual. He was normally about going fast and furious but tonight he wanted to keep going even when his muscles burned from the constant motion. He didn't want to stop until Justin fell apart beneath him. He leaned over to kiss Justin, driving him deeper and changing the angle. Justin felt the change instantly and the increased friction on his dick, he moaned loudly into Brian's mouth. They fucked with their bodies, hands and tongues until they came, Justin first- then Brian right after.

Brian tied off the condom and left to get Justin a washcloth. He used the warm cloth to clean the splatters off his ab's and chest while thinking how sexy Justin looked recovering from his orgasm. Brian lay next to Justin on the floor, speechless, for a few minutes until Justin started to move again. He twisted around looking for his jeans and shirt. Brian felt the sense of loss again but didn't stop him from dressing. He put his own jeans on and walked their abandoned dinner plates to the kitchen counter. Grabbing a cold slice and taking a bite.

Justin joined him at the kitchen counter and grabbed the remains of his unfinished slice off his plate. They ate in silence, each deep in a poorly disguised state of bliss. Justin finished his pizza and gave Brian a quick thanks and kiss good-bye. Brian held Justin's arm for longer than necessary in an unspoken "don't go just yet" plea with his eyes.

"I have an early day tomorrow" Justin offered as an explanation as to why he was rushing off, "Will I see you tomorrow?"

Brian nodded. "Yeah"

"Good, I want you to see my stuff. Be honest okay. I really want to know what you think." Justin said as he tried to put his shoes on standing up on his way out the door.

"Hey Justin" Brian called out when he was half-way out the door.

"Yeah"

"Do you want a ride tomorrow, in the morning, I mean?" Brian asked, trying to be casual.

"Sure" Justin smiled detecting the significance of such an offer coming from Brian.

He closed the door and leaned back against it on the outside. The butterflies were back in full-force and he allowed himself a few minutes to get himself under control. He took the stairs down one flight to his apartment and opened his door.

"Daphne" he called out walking to the back of the apartment to Daphne's room, "I had the most amazing…." He stopped short of finishing his latest review of Brian's performance upon seeing Daphne locked in an uncomfortable hug on her bed with a sobbing man.

She gave Justin a woeful expression as she patted the man's back awkwardly in what Justin assumed was Daphne's attempt at giving comfort.

"I'm sorry" Justin mouthed softly, backing out of the room, "I didn't realize you had company."

His words alerted the man to Justin's presence and he turned around so they were face to face.

"Eric?" Justin exclaimed in shock, "What are you doing here?"


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: Thanks for all the comments. This chapter is taking a serious turn into angst and some self-discovery Please bear with me and keep the comments coming.

* * *

Justin lay in his bed with Eric, rubbing his back in a soothing fashion and letting him cry into his shoulder. He couldn't make out most of what he was saying in Daphne's room but between sobs picked up the words, "mother", "cancer", and "dying" so he certainly got the gist. He had never seen him quite so distraught in their four years together but he certainly understood the devastation. As hard as losing a mother would be for anyone, Eric was raised as an only child by a single mother. Beth, Eric's mom, was young, just forty-four, and made her living as a teacher. The primary reason Eric had chosen teaching as his own career choice. Beth lost her own parent's while in college to a car accident shortly before giving birth to Eric; only to be abandoned shortly after by Eric's father, a man Eric had never met. From then on, it was just the two of them and Beth's entire life was devoted to her only son's happiness. They were exceedingly close. Justin was very fond of her as well.

"I'm sorry" Eric whispered, "I didn't have anyone else to talk to" he explained as he wiped his tears with the back of his hand.

Justin reached around to grab a tissue for Eric and reassured him, "Shh. It's okay. I'm glad you came here. Do you want to talk about it?"

Eric explained his mother had been seen five weeks ago and diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer. The tumor was inoperable and the cancer too advanced to be curable. She had one cycle of chemotherapy and couldn't tolerate the drug at all. They had been trying to get her on a clinical trial but the best case scenario was just a few additional months and that meant experimental chemotherapy that could have side effects worse than the cancer itself without any guarantee it even worked.

Apparently, Beth was in constant pain from metastasis in her bones and couldn't breathe well because of nodules in her lungs. Eric explained how powerless and inept he felt when he realized he couldn't take care of his mother at home and had her transferred to an inpatient hospice program two days ago. He hadn't left her side the entire time but today she didn't even know who he was, likely from cancer now infiltrating her brain. He sobbed as he admitted he couldn't stay at the hospice any longer to watch his mother wasting away before his very eyes. He looked at Justin with such sadness and pain that Justin's heart nearly broke in two thinking of him going through the last five weeks all alone. As confident as he was that there was no future for them as a couple, he did still love Eric. You don't spend four years with someone and just turn your heart off because it doesn't work out. Justin was at a loss for what to do so he relied upon what he knew worked for Eric. He kissed his forehead, held him tight to his chest and tried to offer him comforting platitudes.

"Justin" Eric moaned softly as he nuzzled his face into Justin's neck, "I've missed you" he continued "I've missed this. Being in your arms. I need you right now." He punctuated his confession with soft kisses along Justin's neck. "Please" he begged with sad, tear-filled eyes.

Justin knew what he was asking for and he couldn't deny him. He nodded, kissing Eric on the lips gently as if he might break him. Justin offered the comfort Eric was seeking and made love to him slowly with all the care he could muster, helping him forget his pain, just for a moment. Afterwards, Justin held a sleeping Eric against his chest and contemplated the consequences of his action. He knew he eventually needed to tell Eric about Brian but for now he just needed to get Eric through this even if it meant putting his own best interest aside.

Brian woke Friday morning with a morning hard-on that wouldn't go away on its own. He pulled his cell phone off the charger next to his bed and checked the time. It was just 5:15am. He took a picture of his cock and texted it to Justin asking if he had time for a morning quickie before going to work. After all, if Justin wanted debauchery, sexting seemed perfectly tame in the grand scheme of things. He waited until 5:30 before giving up on a response and hoped it was because he was still asleep and not because he wasn't interested. He took a shower, reluctantly solving his own issue, and dressed for the day. He checked his phone again about quarter after six disappointed at seeing no response. He texted Justin again to say he was on his way down and ask if he was ready to go.

Brian knocked gently on the door to Justin's place assuming Daphne might still be asleep. When the door opened, he was surprised to see a half-dressed stranger wearing only a pair of plaid boxers and rubbing the sleep from his eyes before him. Brian recognized Eric from the pictures in Justin's apartment although he recalled the man in the pictures being more attractive. He stared, speechless, for a brief minute trying to process the information available to him. Justin _had_ taken him up on his ride offer this morning. He _had_ rushed off last night because he had an early morning. _Or had he rushed off because Eric was waiting in his bed?_

"Can I help you?" Eric asked scratching his stomach and rubbing his head.

"I am, uh, here for Justin. He said he needed a ride." Brian clarified just to convey their relationship was completely transactional.

Eric nodded assuming Justin was part of a carpool. He knew Justin hated taking the bus to work, "He's still asleep. We had a late night. I don't think he was going in to work today; we have sort of a family emergency. Hold on, I'll wake him."

Brian stood there dumbstruck, _"We" have a family emergency, since when are Justin and Eric a "we" again? _"No, don't wake him. I have to run so I'll talk to him later." Brian spun and ran down the stairs contemplating what he might have missed in the few hours he had slept.

Eric made coffee and debated internally about what had just happened. He said he was Justin's ride but when he considered the visitor's reaction; he started to doubt his carpool assumption. "Shit" he muttered out loud walking to the bedroom. "Justin" he shook him gently, "Justin, I think I fucked up. Are you seeing someone?"

Justin woke up disoriented to hear Eric's voice and stretched himself a wake. It took him a few seconds to process what Eric had asked, "Huh? What?"

"This guy showed up to take you to work. Please tell me he's just a coworker and not someone you're dating."

"Fuck! Brian!" Justin said grabbing his watch and seeing the time and knowing that he would have left by now. He flopped into his bed realizing Brian would completely misconstrue Eric's answering his door.

"Do you have a new boyfriend already?" Eric asked puzzled.

"What? No, um, not really. It's not serious." Justin admitted, "What did he say?"

Eric explained the encounter and finally got to the root of the issue, "Jus, about last night…"

Justin shook him off, "…Don't worry about it. Brian and I are really just friends."

"No, listen. I can't thank you enough for being there for me. I really needed you but I don't think we should…."

"…Get back together?" Justin asked, finishing his thought. He always could read Eric like a book.

"Yeah" Eric confessed a bit uncomfortable, "I'm sorry if I gave you the wrong impression."

"You didn't" Justin admitted, "I feel the same way. I still love you, care about you and your mom. I want to help you both, however I can, but I don't want to get back together either. I'm sorry I didn't say anything about Brian last night."

"No, it's fine really" Eric said sincerely. "I am just glad you still want to be friends and if it's not too much to ask, will you come with me to the hospital today? I don't think I can do it alone."

Justin nodded, "Yeah sure, just let me call work. I have my show tonight but it will only take a couple hours."

"Oh God! You have a show? I am such an ass, don't worry about me." Eric protested.

"No Eric, it's fine, really. I will go with you to the hospital and then have Daphne pick me up for my show and then she can bring me back to your place when I'm done. I will throw some stuff in a bag and stay with you as long as you need me."

Eric looked overwhelmed and guilty but nodded in agreement since he really had no one else to turn to for something like this. "You don't know what this means to me Jus. You're a life saver."

Justin packed a duffle bag with a week's worth of stuff and put his clothes for the show into a garment bag so they wouldn't get wrinkled. He showered, his mind racing with things he needed to do for work and with his students, figuring he would go ahead and take today and next week off so he could help Eric with his mom. He was still going through a mental checklist as he dried his hair when he realized he hadn't considered Brian at all. They had agreed to no jealous bullshit, no expectations, so he didn't think he really owed him any explanation but he didn't want him to have the wrong impression either. He was still hoping he would make it to the show tonight so he could explain the situation in person.

By the time he emerged from the shower ready to go, Eric had given Daphne a rundown on their plans and she was on her way out the door to work. She gave Justin a worried hug and a sincere offer of help if they needed anything.

Brian sat in his office trying unsuccessfully to distract himself both from his upcoming appointment and from his reaction to Justin's sleepover with the latest account he was hoping to close. He convinced himself that he didn't mind so much that Justin had gotten back together with his ex but his reaction this morning really bothered him. Jealousy was unchartered territory for Brian and he was terrified to examine what the unfamiliar emotion might mean.

By the afternoon, Brian was anxious for his appointment. He poured himself a shot of whiskey from the bottle he kept in his office and swallowed it in one gulp, hoping it might take the edge off. He placed the glass down and packed up his laptop and papers into his briefcase.

Brian's oncologist office was located in the medical office building connected to the UPMC Hillman Cancer Center. The same place he went daily for radiation after his surgery when he was treated for testicular cancer. He parked in the all too familiar adjacent garage and made his way through the sterile walkways to Dr. Agarwal's office. Dr. Agarwal was a trim, middle-aged, Indian man with a thick accent. Brian liked his office staff and he came highly recommended so it compensated for his lack of bedside manner. He definitely didn't mince words and didn't sugar coat reality, something Brian respected. He waited impatiently in the small reception area after checking in and giving his insurance information. The receptionist asked him to update his personal and medical history information while he waited. Brian ran through his old information and noticed his emergency contact and medical proxy information for Lindsay and Michael both contained their Pittsburgh addresses and phone numbers. He pulled out his phone and provided their Toronto contact information slightly depressed that his two closest friends, his only real support system, were both out of the country.

Brian was the only person in the waiting room when the nurse finally called his name. She took his vital signs and weight, remarking that his blood pressure was on the high side and he was running a slight fever. She checked his chart twice, asking if he realized he had lost ten pounds since his last visit and inquired as to if he had been trying to lose weight. Brian responded that he wasn't which seemed to concern the nurse. He was escorted into an exam room and instructed to change into a gown which Brian objected to since it was his neck that needed examining. The nurse apparently lacked any ability to deviate from her procedure and so Brian reluctantly complied rather than argue over it.

By the time Dr. Agarwal came into the exam room, Brian was a bundle of nerves. He was asked the reason for his visit and Brian showed the doctor the lump he was concerned about. The doctor examined him more thoroughly than Brian thought necessary, feeling not only his neck, but his armpits, abdomen and groin as well. He did a cursory check of his healthy testicle and artificial replacement while he was down there. He told Brian he could sit up and then asked some vague health questions.

Was he having fevers? Was he having night sweats? Was he having fatigue?

After Brian answered affirmatively with antidotes about waking up in the middle of the night to drenched sheets and being more tired than normal, the doctor instructed him to get dressed and join him in his office. Brian didn't take that was a good sign and began mentally preparing himself for bad news. He dressed in a hurry and was escorted into the cramped office; full of medical journals, large textbooks, and plastic models of various body parts strewn about.

Dr. Agarwal sat down with an ominous look on his face and Brian braced for the worst, "Brian, during your exam I felt several enlarged lymph nodes. The one in your neck that brought you in today and there is also one in your groin. We need to do some additional tests to confirm and we need to take a biopsy but with your history and symptoms, I am afraid it's quite likely you have a secondary cancer."

Brian swallowed hard, "Wait, are you saying my cancer is back? You can't remove my other testicle, I'd rather die." Brian explained, a wave of nausea washing over him as he considered the consequences of such a reality.

"No, your healthy testicle appears to be just fine. What I am saying is that you have a new cancer, not a recurrence of your testicular cancer. Based on my exam and your symptoms, it's likely a lymphoma but we will need the biopsy to be sure."

"What does that mean? More surgery? More radiation?" Brian's head was swimming with the thought of going through cancer treatments again. The last time had nearly killed him.

"Let's not get ahead of ourselves. First, I want to do a CT scan to see if there are other enlarged nodes that we can't feel in your chest, abdomen and pelvis. I also want to schedule you for a biopsy; soon, we will shoot for early next week. The node on your neck is fairly superficial so you won't need surgery with general anesthesia. We can get at it with a needle to take some cells and have the pathologist tell us what we are dealing with. Just like last time, we will send it out to Johns Hopkins to confirm the pathology findings. We might need additional test to stage the cancer completely. Once we know the pathology and the stage, then we can discuss treatment options."

Brian nodded and closed his eyes, "If it is lymphoma. Then what?"

"Brian, I don't want to scare you unnecessarily. Lymphoma is a complicated disease. We see dramatically different outcomes and use radically different treatments based on the type and staging but typically the treatment is longer than what you experienced before and will likely include some chemotherapy."

Brian nodded in understanding and met the doctor's concerned expression with his own look of panic.

"I tell you this now because I recall you did not have much support during your radiation treatments. You didn't want your family or friends to know. This will be different; you will need someone with you at your appointments. Make no mistake; if this is a lymphoma, you will need someone to help you."

Brian made it all the way through his doctor's pep talk, the scheduling of his biopsy, a nurse's instructions for his biopsy, and paying his copayment. He made it all the way back through the sterile walkway, down the elevator, and to his car before he started to feel anything other than numb. Sitting in his car, holding his keys limply in his arms that felt too heavy to lift, he caught a glimpse of himself in the rear view mirror. The numbness subsided and a wave of reality hit him like a ton of bricks. He cried because of his uncertain future and his wasted past. He cried because he was afraid to die. He cried because this time he knew exactly how bad it was going to get and how sick he was going to feel. He cried because he had a son he barely saw and best friends who had moved on without him. But most of all he cried because he was alone and, for the first time in thirty-five years of not needing anyone or anything, he knew he didn't want to be alone anymore. He did need someone and the thought of needing someone and not having anyone terrified him.

Brian made it home close to four having already decided he was in no shape to go to Justin's show. He sent a non-descript text to Justin that something came up, turned his phone off, pulled a pillow over his face and fell asleep.

Justin stood to stretch in the waiting room of the hospice unit Beth was in. He had been there almost all day and there was very little change in Beth's condition. He held Eric's hand as the doctor explained that his mother was likely disoriented from the pain medications and while it was possible the cancer had spread to her brain, there was no reason to put her through more tests to confirm since it neither changed her treatment nor her prognosis. Eric wept on and off throughout the day and Justin did his best to be a shoulder to cry on and to make sure Eric took care of his own needs; forcing him to eat and drink and nap while lying on Justin's chest periodically. It was getting close to the time he needed to leave for his show and Justin was already feeling selfish for leaving, even as Eric all but insisted he do so.

He had just changed when Daphne arrived to pick him up. He gave Eric a kiss and told him to call if he needed him. He walked with Daphne to her car, "You could have just texted me you were here" he said, feeling bad she had to walk in to find him.

"I tried" she said, "I think your phone died or something, it went straight to voice mail."

Justin pulled his phone and sighed in frustration, "I never turned the damn thing on this morning," Justin explained as he pushed the power button. A series of dings and vibrations signaled missed text message, calls and emails from today.

Justin smiles as he saw the picture Brian had sent him and wished he hadn't missed out but then he read his last text, "Shit! Brian's not coming tonight."

Daphne frowned, "Really, did he say why?"

Justin shook his head no, "Just that something came up. You think he has the wrong idea about Eric and me?"

"I don't think I even know what's going on with Eric and you. Did you get back together?"

"No" Justin explained, "but we kind of had sex last night."

"Really Justin, two guys in one night? Isn't that a bit slutty for you?" she mocked trying to lighten the mood.

"It wasn't exactly planned. I didn't know what else to do, you saw Eric; he was a mess."

Daphne just patted Justin's leg and assured him it would all work out. Justin wasn't so sure, there was something about being with Brian, despite what they agreed to, it seemed like more was there. He texted Brian back that he hoped everything was ok and left it at that.

Justin stood by his paintings for close to two hours struggling to stay in the moment. He wanted to be with Brian; he wanted to be with Eric, he didn't want to talk to cunty art critics who asked him to talk about his work. He did manage to sell a small painting and got a few cards to follow up on for possible agents by the end of the night so the night wasn't a total bust but it was a far cry of what he hoped would have been accomplish that evening. He felt defeated and drained as he climbed into Daphne's car at the end of the evening.

"Where to?" she asked.

"I guess to Eric's. I told him I would stay with him for awhile."

"Justin, do you think that's a good idea? I mean, it might send the wrong message if you stay with him."

Justin nodded. "I know, but it's what he needs."

Daphne started the car and pulled out of the space, "Yeah, but what about what you need?" she asked rhetorically.

Justin thought about all that had happened in the last twenty-four hours on his way back to Eric's. He wasn't the type of person that could just turn his back on his friend that needed him and after seeing Beth today, Eric definitely needed him. Justin realized it felt good to be needed again; he had unexpectedly missed it after they broke up. During their relationship, he was constantly frustrated that he felt too needed. Eric didn't like to make decisions or go anywhere without him. It had been a tad suffocating. With some perspective, Justin accepted that if he was honest with himself, there was some part of him that had encouraged it because he liked feeling needed. He contemplated there was probably a happy medium between Eric's kind of need and not feeling needed at all and wondered what that might mean for his future relationships, maybe even one with Brian.

By the time Daphne dropped him off, he was feeling apprehensive about staying with Eric, concerned about falling into old routines because it was comfortable and easy for both of him. Eric lived in a one-bedroom apartment and had only a loveseat and chairs, no couches. He hadn't considered the logistics of the sleeping arrangements but he didn't think a repeat of last night was a good idea for either of them. He glanced around the familiar space and noticed the accumulation of dust and clutter from the weeks that Eric had been staying with his mom. He started to tidy up for Eric, making himself as useful as possible while he was there. Eric came home about thirty minutes later, grateful for Justin's housekeeping efforts.

"Have you had dinner?" Justin asked. "I can make you something."

"No thanks" Eric replied, "I'm not really hungry and there's no food here anyway."

"C'mon, I'll order something from Georgiana's. You know you love their chicken parm. You're losing too much weight." Justin prodded.

"Fine" Eric agreed without a fight, deferring to Justin's better judgment, "You know where the menus are."

Justin handed Eric the remote and suggesting he watch television as a distraction. "What do you want to watch?" Eric asked him.

Justin sighed, "Whatever _you_ want."

Eric flipped through the cable guide and picked a cooking show he knew Justin liked, "Here, you like this one, right?" he confirmed.

Justin nodded, doing his best to hide the frustration he felt since he knew Eric couldn't care less about cooking shows. _He can't even have an opinion about a television show_?

The food came and they ate without much conversation. They settled into loveseat together, resuming their old positions watching television. Justin sat on the left by the table and Eric lay with his head on Justin's lap and his feet hanging over the side. Eric yawned and announced he was tired twice before Justin encouraged him to go to bed. Eric resisted saying he would wait for Justin.

"Just go to bed. You don't need me to go to bed for Christ's sake." Justin raised his voice in aggravation only to be met by a stunned Eric.

"Are you okay?" Eric asked.

"I just forgot how frustrating it is when you do that." Justin explained.

"Do what?" Eric asked still with a puzzled expression, "What are you talking about?"

"You never do anything without me. I honestly don't know how you have survived without me the last few weeks because when we are together you won't make one single decision on your own!"

"Jus, calm down. Where is this coming from?"

"Nevermind. Just go to sleep, will you. I'm upset about your mom."

"No! See that reaction right there is the problem. That's why we broke up because you are obviously frustrated with me about something and then you won't talk to me about it. You just say never mind and act like you're not mad."

"What?" Justin asked incensed, "That's not why we broke up."

"Yes it is" Eric asserted raising his voice to Justin for the first time ever, "You decided to end our relationship after four years without so much as a discussion as to what the problems were. Do you realize we never had one fight before we broke up? Not one!"

"That's because you never disagreed with me. You never had an opinion on anything." Justin insisted.

"Justin, I don't disagree with you unless it's important to me. What we eat, what we watch on television…I couldn't care less about those things. When I do give an opinion, on something that does matter to me, you insist that it doesn't matter to you even when I know it does. We never discussed the things that mattered because you just say never mind and drop it and pretend that it's not a problem."

Justin stared at Eric in complete dismay. They both knew what he was referring to and he was right. He had dismissed it and never brought it up again. "I'm sorry" Justin admitted, "I should have told you that I was unhappy."

"I tried to make you happy Justin. I really tried." Eric confessed, his eyes watering. "I just want you to be happy. You mean the world to me."

Justin brought Eric into his arms and hugged him. Eric pulled back and cracked a smile, "Will you let me hug you for once?" Eric laughed and wrapped Justin into his arms forcing Justin's arms to his side, "You know I love that you're here for me but you offered to stay at my place. I don't need you to hold my hand full-time if you want to be somewhere else, I'll be okay."

"Are you sure?" Justin asked, wiping the tears from his eyes.

"Yes, I'm sure" Eric smiled, "I will manage as long as I can still cry on your shoulder when it gets to be too much."

"Anytime" Justin replied and meant it. Eric was just an incredible human being; he regretted that it wasn't meant to be for them. They shared some of the unspoken reasons that contributed to their breakup and owned their differences without accusations or discord. The conversation settled into a natural pause and Justin was just about to suggest they turn in when Eric changed the subject.

"So, Brian is pretty hot!" Eric smiled lightening the mood, "I'm kind of jealous!"

Justin laughed through his tears and nodded his agreement, still unsure what was kosher to talk about with an ex you were trying to be friends with. "You shouldn't be. He is definitely not interested in anything more than sex."

"Are you sure? He looked pretty upset to see me this morning. I think he was definitely jealous."

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure there's nothing there long term." Justin admitted hesitating before explaining, "Let's just say he feels about bottoming the way you feel about topping."

"Ahh, I see. So he won't let you fuck him?" Eric smiled, oddly comfortable with the discussion. "But I take it you at least got to try it the other way. What did you think?"

Justin nodded in confirmation and a sly smile, "It was pretty incredible!"

Eric flashed a mischievous grin, "Well if you need me to explain to him how good of a top you are, I am at your service!"

Justin laughed, "I'll keep that in mind. I'm exhausted. Can we just go to bed now?"

Eric took his hand and led him to his bedroom and they slept fully covered in sweatpants and t-shirts together with no awkwardness or sexual tension. Justin delighted in their new understanding and looked forward to getting to know Eric as a friend instead of a lover. As he drifted off to sleep he realized he had basically done the same thing with Brian as he had done with Eric. Brian said he wanted nothing serious, no expectations and Justin just conformed to Brian's wishes. He didn't even try to convince him he was wrong, assert his own feelings into the equation, he had actually convinced himself that he was okay with just having a fuck-buddy. He drifted off thinking about what he really wanted in a man and what was important to him. He didn't want to waste another four years pretending he was okay with what Brian was offering when he wanted more, needed more.

Brian woke up in a fog thinking about what the doctor had told him about needing someone to help him through this latest crisis. He picked up the phone to call Michael and hung up ten times. Michael would be there in a heartbeat but he would also smother him and drive him crazy. If the treatment was as long as Brian's internet research suggested, it would be up to a year of constant unwanted pampering and treating him like a complete invalid. He dismissed calling Lindsay because she would bring Gus and he never wanted his son to see him as ill as he knew he would be. Ted would be good. He wouldn't baby him unnecessarily and was reliable to a fault but Brian knew he would need him at Kinnetik. There were enough account execs now to keep the clients happy but Ted would be his eyes and ears, and along with Cynthia, they would keep the business running the way Brian wanted it done. Emmett was a non-starter; he was a great guy, but hardly someone you call in a crisis. That left Debbie. She was retired and he knew she could keep a secret and would do anything for him. He picked up the phone and called her taking a few deep breaths until he heard her voice say hello.

_Hi Mom_

_Brian! Well this is a surprise. I didn't think Michael had called you yet._

_Called me?_

_Yeah, about Carl, that's why you are calling, right? He's going to be fine._

_Deb, what happened? I haven't talked to Mikey in a week._

_Oh, honey, well Carl had a small heart attack. Really minor thankfully. They just put a stent in last night and he's going to be fine._

_Oh, I'm sorry. Well give Carl my best. Do you need anything? Money?_

_No, we're fine. But if that's not why you called, what's up?_

_Nothing, um, I just missed you. Thought I would call you so you can tell me what a shit I am for not calling more. No one gets my order right at the diner. They keep bringing me what I ask for._

_Ha! Well I can call them and give 'em hell. I told them if it wasn't for me, half the fags in Pittsburgh wouldn't ever eat a vegetable. You sure there's nothing wrong?_

_Nope, I'm fine. I actually sort of met someone. _

_Well, I may just join Carl in the hospital. Brian Kinney with a boyfriend? I never thought I would see the day! Good for you sweetheart._

_Well it's nothing yet. Don't lose your wig!_

_Well if you devote as much energy into being a boyfriend as you do to pretending to be an uncaring degenerate, this man won't stand a chance against your charms. Listen honey, I need to run, Carl needs me. _

_Ok, I love you Deb_

_Oh Brian, I know you do. I love you to._

Brian hung up the phone in a stupor. Had he really just told Debbie he had a boyfriend? Why would he say such a thing? He knew why- so she wouldn't worry about him. Of course, that had to be it! It was just to reassure her that he was okay. Only he wasn't ok. He wasn't ok at all.


	6. Chapter 6

Justin woke up Saturday morning to an alarm buzzing and an empty bed. He threw his hand over to the bedside table blindly trying to locate the magic button that would quiet Eric's alarm clock without having to open his eyes. Once he succeeded, he reluctantly got out of bed to look for Eric anyway. He soon found him on the phone in the living room. His pained expression was all Justin needed to know the news was not good. He sat next to him and rubbed his shoulders while he listened to the caller and waited patiently until he ended the call abruptly saying he would be right there.

Eric sat the phone down and told Justin he needed to get to the hospice right away, his mom was lucid again and asking for him but the doctor didn't think they had much time left. Justin offered to go with him but Eric surprised him by turning down his offer claiming he wanted to be alone with her today. Justin nodded, relieved that Eric was feeling strong enough to face the hospice alone. He began packing his things up as Eric moved to the bedroom to change his clothes.

Less than an hour later, Justin was back at his own place with a renewed focus on his own situation with Brian. He showered, changed and ran over what he wanted to say in his mind. By mid-afternoon, he summoned the necessary courage and took the flight of stairs up to the sixth floor. He probably should have called first but he was worried Brian wouldn't respond since he still hadn't returned his last text. Justin knocked vigorously on the door and waited with baited breath.

Brian was lounging around in a pair of sweatpants and watching an old movie when he heard the knock. Since he wasn't expecting anyone and hadn't buzzed anyone in, he considered ignoring it altogether but rose with a heavy sigh to answer the door against his better judgment. Seeing Justin's smiling face when he slid open the door was the last thing he was prepared to do.

"Hey" Justin greeted him with his sexiest smile.

Brian did his best to conceal his surprise; "Can I help you?" he asked with one arm leaning purposefully against the doorway attempting to obstruct Justin's view of the pile of junk food wrappers that had accumulated during his self-pity binge.

"Can I come in? I'd like to talk to you." Justin explained.

Brian responded by walking away from the door but leaving it open for Justin to enter. His expression was not welcoming but Justin braved entry anyway. Brian grabbed the wastebasket and started tossing the empty wrappers and fast food containers strewn all over his table and countertops into the trash.

"Can I sit?" Justin asked, motioning to the couch.

Brian nodded agreement with a barely disguised scowl on his face and finished his quick clean-up effort before joining him on the couch.

"First, I want to apologize for not letting you know I didn't need a ride yesterday. I hope you weren't late because of me."

"Don't worry. I didn't wait long." Brian sniped.

"Yeah? Well that's good. I also thought you should know that Eric just needed a friend; he's having a tough time. We aren't back together or anything. I didn't want you to get the wrong idea since he was at my place yesterday morning when you came by."

"Okay" Brian nodded ambivalently. He wasn't positive he believed Justin's story but wanted to preserve the dignity that came from pretending he didn't care either way.

"So I was also sorry you missed my show last night. I was hoping you would get to see my work. I have to go pick up the pieces that didn't sell today; would you like to come with me? I was hoping you would want to hang out today."

Brian considered his options. Yesterday he might have told Justin to fuck off or make some snide comment about not wanting to see his work that wasn't even good enough to sell. But today was different, he was different, and if he had a choice between spending his day alone feeling sorry for himself and spending it with Justin, he would be an idiot not to choose Justin.

"Sure" Brian replied, even forcing a small smile, "I need to shower and change first. I was having a lazy day."

Justin cracked a big smile seeing that Brian's icy reception was warming a bit. "I saw that. I guess you must be blessed with a high metabolism to stay so trim and be able to eat like that."

Brian actually blushed, embarrassed by his gluttony but quickly left the room to hide his reaction. While Brian showered he contemplated his next move. On one hand, he really liked Justin, more than liked him. If he was going to be in a relationship with someone, Justin seemed like the ideal candidate. He was sexy and great in bed but he was also smart, creative, funny, and passionate; all qualities Brian liked but had never bothered to evaluate in a person he had fucked. On the other hand, he had no idea how to make anything happen with Justin other than the casual encounters they already enjoyed. Brian didn't know the first thing about seducing someone into a relationship. There was also the looming biopsy in two days. He should be thinking about fucking as much as possible in that time, just in case he couldn't get it up during the treatments again. God what a terrible time that was.

As Brian brushed his teeth and finished getting ready, he mentally boiled his options down to two courses of action. Either he could continue to assist Justin in his hedonistic pursuits, permanently securing his position as nothing more than a friend with benefits. Alternatively, he could put his dick's needs on the back burner, so to speak, and try to get to know him in the non-biblical way. Brian realized he would have to open up to him and show a side of himself he wasn't comfortable showing if he had any hope of getting out of the friend zone. Since he made a living convincing people to want things they didn't know they wanted but had no experience with romance, dating or being in a relationship it was likely to be either an epic disaster or a monumental success. The stakes were high but Brian was a gambler and by the time he finished in the bathroom, he decided he wanted to roll the dice.

When Brian emerged from the bathroom he stopped, frozen in place, taking in the site before him. Just outside his bathroom door was Justin wearing nothing except a naughty smile and an impressive erection.

"I was hoping I might get a rain check on the morning quickie I missed out on yesterday," Justin said seductively as he walked over towards the couch.

Brian dropped the towel that was secured around his waist leaving him completely naked as well. He laughed amused both by Justin's antics and at himself for having over-simplified his options, perhaps there was room for both sex and romance when it came to Mr. Taylor's seduction. He did consider that he might have followed Justin too willingly; thinking that being around him was bad for his self-control. But then Justin sprawled his body out on the couch and Brian leaned over him until their skin came into contact. From there it was instant electricity and lust and nothing mattered but kissing and touching.

"Tell me what you want" Brian moaned into Justin's ear.

Justin was consumed with need, having Brian's naked body at his disposal, he held nothing back from sharing the fantasy that kept creeping into his mind, "I want you to lean me over this couch and fuck me standing."

Brian felt a rush of arousal shoot through him and his balls burned, "Fuck! Get up"

Justin did, his thoughts rushing forward though his fantasy. He bent over just enough to place his hands flat on the back of the couch. He wanted to be in a completely submissive position for Brian.

Brian ran a hand down Justin back, practically dizzy with adrenaline seeing Justin submit to him. He retrieved a condom and lube and placed the items on the top of couch next to Justin's hand.

"You want me to fuck you like this?" Brian asked, purposefully huffing his breath into Justin's ear.

"God. Yes, Please"

He fisted Justin's hard cock running his thumb over the bulbous head, his own reacting to every moan. He readied himself, placing a single slicked finger into Justin's hole just long enough to make sure he didn't hurt him. He lined himself up and pushed inside and Justin's body swallowed his cock with little resistance. Brian pulsed into the rippling heat as he pressed his hands down on top of Justin's, lacing their fingers together. He fucked Justin, his body moving instinctively. Justin moaned and grunted, asking for it harder. He moved into him so forcefully that the couch skidded a little over the floor but their hands stayed locked together. Brian finally couldn't hold back and felt a burst of pure pleasure rip through him. He thrust into Justin a few more times, drawing out the last of his orgasm reaching around to help Justin out only to discover he was already damp and softening. Brian reveled at the idea of fucking Justin into an orgasm even if the evidence was now all over the back of his couch.

Moments later Justin settled into Brian's bed, his head listing towards the door following Brian's movement into the bathroom to toss the condom and grab a wet washcloth. He clenched his cheeks together and bit back a flinch at the hot, angry sensation in his ass. A feeling he was quickly growing to enjoy.

Brian appeared back in the bedroom, standing at the edge of the bed, looking down at Justin with admiration more than lust. Justin reached for the cloth but Brian held it back, "Let me" he offered softly, licking along Justin flaccid length and over his lower stomach, tasting him. Justin sighed and ran his hands through Brian's hair. Brian finished licking Justin as clean as he could and looked up licking his lips before using the cloth to wipe the remaining fluid from Justin stomach and pelvis.

"That was hot" Justin confessed, pulling Brian's mouth up to his.

Brian racked his brain for some way to move the subject to something more substantial than normal post-fuck banter. "I like that you'll tell me what you want. It's a real turn on."

"Yeah?" Justin smiled while a faint tinge of blush cover his cheeks. He recalled many times wanting to be that way with Eric but he never had. "I'm sort of working on that. Apparently, I'm not very good at asking for what I want" he confessed.

Brian leaned onto his side to face Justin, propping his head up with his open palm, "Really? Just in bed or in other areas?"

Justin rolled his eyes dismissing Brian's question, "You don't really want to know, do you?"

Brian put on his most serious face to show Justin he was wrong, "No, I really do. I'm sort of going through something similar." Brian elaborated, "I never have any issues getting what I want when it comes to sex but I'm just trying to make some changes in other parts of my life."

Justin crinkled his face in a way that made Brian suspected he was skeptical about his being so forthcoming. "Seriously" Brian reiterated, "Ask me for something you want and I will tell you something I want to change."

Justin thought for a minute and swallowed the uncomfortable feeling the made his palms sweat a little, "Well, um, to be honest, it kind of bothered me that you got so freaked out when I tried to fuck you. I guess it left me wondering if that's something you would ever see yourself trying?"

"Is that a deal-breaker for you?" Brian asked because he really wanted to know, his voice a little shakier than he would have liked.

Justin stared into Brian's eyes and couldn't interpret what was happening inside his head. This was definitely becoming a deeper conversation that what he ever expected to have with Brian but after talking to Eric, he knew he needed to be honest, "Yeah, I kind of think that it is. I mean, not for what we are doing but for something serious where it was a committed relationship. I wouldn't want to give up either experience."

"Ah, a true versatile then?" Brian took a deep breath preparing for his first time at being open and honest. _This is going to hurt_. "Well I really didn't mean to freak out and I have bottomed before, when I was younger, mostly back in high school, when I was first coming to terms with being gay. The last time I was about nineteen at a club with a fake ID and I sort of got in over my head in the backroom. It wasn't pleasant. It hurt like hell actually and I really have no interest in experiencing it again. But, I can see that there might be a scenario where I would, if I really trusted the person, and it was important to them."

Brian realized after he finished answering that he hadn't made eye contact with Justin once since he started. He pulled his eyes up to meet an amazed stare radiating for piercing blue eyes.

"Wow, that's terrible. I can't imagine. I'm so lucky that you were so good." Justin spoke as he ran his hand up Brian's chest to land a finger on his lips, which Brian surprised him by kissing lightly. "So" Justin kissed him quickly, "I shared mine, now you share yours."

"Well, I guess the biggest thing I want to change is this" Brian rested his hand on Justin's hip, "I mean just having a real conversation with someone, it's hard for me to let people in."

"Why is that?" Justin asked impulsively before adding a caveat when he thought it might have been to nosy, "You don't have to answer that if you don't want to."

"No, it's okay. I don't really know why. I had a fairly crappy childhood. My parents were both alcoholics and abusive but as you can see, I turned out okay without their help. I did have Debbie, she's my best friend's mom, she looked after me and gave me a sane place to stay. Well almost sane, she's sort of crazy in her own way."

Justin nodded in understanding but didn't want to push it with more questions. He actually really didn't know what to say, so he thought he would just share more about himself, "My family was uber normal until I came out to my parents. Then my family just sort of went to hell in a hand-basket; my dad still doesn't really get it. They're divorced now. My dad had an affair and left my mom for a younger woman. I don't really see him much now unless it's something for my sister."

"Are you close to your mom and sister?" Brian asked.

"Not like we were before I came out. My mom tries; she loves me unconditionally but I can tell she isn't quite over her fantasy about me marrying a nice girl and having a couple grandkids. My sister's younger, she's in middle school and we get along fine although I wouldn't say we are very close given our age difference. Do you have any siblings?"

"Just a sister, she's older and we don't speak anymore." Brian answered.

Justin wanted to ask why but sensed that if Brian wanted to talk about it he would have elaborated, so he didn't. They shared a few more antidotes about their lives with each other until Justin caught a glimpse of the clock on Brian's bedside table. "It's getting late; I need to get to the gallery soon." He pushed up from Brian's bed and started looking for his clothes and Brian followed suit.

By the time they pulled up to the Gallery on Third in Brian's car, Justin was nervous. He couldn't deny that he had feelings for Brian and what they had shared this afternoon felt like the beginning of something real which made Brian's opinion about his art even more important.

They strolled into the gallery and only a handful of paintings from the emerging artist show remained, all had been removed from the walls and were sitting on the floor against the wall waiting for the artists to claim them. Justin recognized his own as well as the work of four other artists. Brian glanced around at the wall and back at Justin.

"Which ones are yours?" Brian asked.

Justin grinned, "Tell me which ones you like the most and then I'll tell you which ones are mine."

Brian frowned but appreciated Justin wanting to guarantee his unbiased opinion so he studied each one carefully before selecting his two favorites. The first was a portrait of an older woman. Brian liked it because even though she wasn't smiling or laughing you could see joy in her eyes. It was really captivating.

"That's Daphne's mom" Justin added after confirming it was one of his paintings, "I just love her expression. I painted this from a photograph taken when Daphne and I went to prom together."

The second painting Brian picked was abstract, bright splashes of red, yellow and orange over a black background. It was a beautiful mixture of colors and it captured his eye for an unknown reason despite his somewhat comical efforts to sound like an art aficionado.

Justin tried to keep a poker face but as Brian tried to explain why he liked the second painting, he started laughing. "It's okay to just to like something. You don't have to be an art critic to impress me."

Brian was red-faced at being caught bloviating over a painting. "Sorry" he cringed.

"That's okay; at least you picked two of mine." Justin reassured him, picking them up and pointing out the other works that were also his. Once he had the paintings secured he signed some paperwork and they carried the paintings to Brian's car. "Where to now?" Brian asked as he started the car.

"I could eat; do you want to go to dinner?" Justin asked cautiously.

"Yeah, I could eat too. I know a really good steakhouse not too far from here."

Justin nodded and smiled warmly, excited to be spending some time with Brian just getting to know him.

Once they pulled up at the restaurant, Justin noticed the steakhouse Brian had referred to was one of the nicest places in town. A meal would easily be at least $100 per person which was well outside Justin's budget. Brian picked up his hesitation as he exited the car and saw the look of apprehension.

"The food here is excellent" Brian exclaimed while placing his hand on the small of Justin's back and giving him a quick kiss.

Justin laughed nervously at the understatement. "Yeah, I'm sure it's fantastic but I think it might be a bit out of my budget. Do you mind if we go somewhere else?"

Brian shook his head and pulled Justin against the car for a longer kiss. "Don't worry about it, it will be my treat. Consider it an apology for missing your show."

Justin took a peek at Brian's face and was completely perplexed. Now he really didn't know what was going on between them. Buying meals at fancy restaurants even if under the guise of an apology for cancelling plans seemed to be very dating-like behavior. Justin wanted to ask but he also didn't want to make Brian uncomfortable by labeling whatever it was they were now doing.

As they entered the building, Brian spoke to the maître de to secure a secluded table. He brought clients here all the time and was well reputed by management as a loyal customer and as a very good tipper by the wait staff. They were seated instantly and Brian asked for a bottle of red wine that was stored in his wine locker.

Justin perused the menu trying not to let his eyes bug out over the steep prices. He looked for less expensive choices but quickly realized there were none. He closed the menu after deciding he would just order whatever Brian did when the time came to be safe.

Brian noticed Justin looking apprehensive again and became concerned. He was trying to impress Justin not intimidate him. He had already failed miserably at trying to impress him by his art knowledge but he thought food was a safe bet. Brian knew good food and good wine but it seemed coming to the best place in town might also backfire.

"Do you mind if I order for you?" Brian proposed, thinking it would alleviate some of the sticker shock.

Justin looked immensely grateful for the offer and readily accepted.

"They have the best steaks here. How do you like yours?" Brian asked.

"Medium is fine" Justin answered.

Brian summoned the waiter and ordered crab cakes to start and the wet-aged, 20-ounce Wagyu tomahawk ribeyes and several of the ala carte sides for them both. The Tomahawk was his favorite and he wanted to enjoy as many favorites as possible before he lost his appetite from chemotherapy. It was by far the most succulent delicacy in the place, well at least one you could order from a menu, Brian thought, as he considered just how delicious Justin's tasted. He ordered his medium-rare and Justin's medium as requested. He considered ordering Justin's medium-rare since he thought it a sin to order such a prime piece of meat cooked more than pink in the center but he didn't want to appear to be too pretentious by saying so.

Justin sipped the wine and commented that it was very good, much to Brian's delight. He studied Justin's face in the dim lighting and candle flicker and really appreciated just how beautiful he was. His eyes especially were so mesmerizing. Brian smiled to himself realizing what a lesbianic thought he was having and that he was staring a bit too intensely.

"What?" Justin asked nervously, "Do I have something on my face?" He asked while self-consciously using the back of his hand to wipe his mouth.

Brian chuckled, "No, I was actually just thinking to myself how beautiful you are."

Justin flushed bright red at the compliment, "Seriously?" he asked skeptically.

"Yes" Brian replied sincerely, leaning forward slightly, "Does that surprise you?"

"Well a little" Justin answered honestly, "I mean coming from you it does."

Brian drew back a little, not surprised by his statement but a little disappointed that he may have more work to do at overcoming Justin's initial first impression of him than he thought.

Justin hadn't meant to offend Brian or discourage his flattery so he continued, "I guess you really are making some changes."

Brian affirmed with a slight nod but quickly moved to change the subject, "So I've seen your art now and I know you're exceptionally talented both in bed and out. What else should I know about you Mr. Taylor?"

Justin felt on the spot at the open-endedness of Brian's question and racked his brain for an intelligent response. "Hmm, let's see. I've lived in Pittsburgh most of my life. We moved here from Philly when I was five. I went to St. James Academy. Started drawing before I could walk and discovered I liked painting better when I was a freshman. I hope someday I can support myself doing that full time but for now I work doing computer animation for this software company that makes computer games for kids."

Brian cracked a smile at the nerves evident in Justin's response, "It's not an interview Justin, relax!"

"Sorry, I'm not sure what you are interested in knowing about me."

Brian reached for his hand that was lying on the table and covered it with his own in a reassuring gesture, "I would love to hear whatever it is you want to tell me particularly about your art. One of my best friends, Lindsay, the mother of my son, she was an artist as well. She works for a museum in Toronto now as a curator."

"Tell me about Gus. It must be hard to be so far from him."

Brian reflected warmly on his son while he answered. "Yeah, it is. He's such a great kid. Smart, curious, funny…I was just beginning to get better at the fatherhood gig when they decided to move. Do you remember the bombing of the nightclub a few years back?"

Justin nodded, "Of course. It was at Babylon too, right? I remember I saw a memorial plaque on the wall while we were there."

"Well Lindsay and Melanie were there. It was really scary time for both of them and they decided to move to Canada for the kids' sake so they could be raised in a more tolerant environment."

"Kids?" Justin asked, "Do you have more than one?"

"No, Gus is mine but Melanie and Lindsay had another child with a different donor, another friend of mine Michael. They had a daughter, Jenny"

"I see. Do you plan to have more yourself?"

Brian was perplexed at Justin's question although it was increasing common for gay men to have families; it was still a pretty foreign concept to Brian. He shook his head no and didn't elaborate on how his radiation treatments had left him unable to have more.

"Do you want kids?" Brian asked swallowing hard. He never thought he would be on a date let alone asking another gay man about his plans to have a future family. It was surely a day of firsts.

Just as Justin was about to explain, their appetizer arrived and they were distracted but Brian really wanted an answer so he prompted him again once the server had left.

"I don't know yet. I like kids but I just can't see it. Daphne always jokes that she wants me to father her child when she decides to have one but I don't really want to just be a donor. If I'm going to do it, I would want to be involved and right now there are so many things I would rather do….travel, paint, sleep in." Justin laughed but realized he was rambling a bit and so he concluded, "Maybe if I meet the right man someday and it was important to him. I definitely don't want to do it alone."

Brian and Justin continued to make small talk about their lives until their dinner arrived. Justin realized as Brian poured the remains of their wine bottle into his glass that he was the one doing most of the talking and the drinking for that matter.

"So I seem to be monopolizing the conversation tonight. Tell me more about you." Justin asked taking the first bite of his steak and moaning a little at how it melted in his mouth. "This is the best thing I have ever put in my mouth" he commented before Brian could answer.

"Surely not the _best_ thing." Brian responded tongue in cheek before replying to Justin's original question explaining what he did and why he started his own company. He peppered in some humorous stories about his friends while avoiding references to the considerable time they spent drinking, using recreational drugs, and being promiscuous.

When the waiter came back to check on them and offered a dessert menu, both men waived him off quickly. Justin watched awestruck as Brian handed his Black Am Ex card over to the server without even looking at the check, wondering exactly how successful his neighbor was and how it must feel to not have to balance your checkbook before making a purchase. Justin sat back in his chair trying to expand his stomach to alleviate the uncomfortable feeling he had from over-indulging. His steak was so good and he was so engaged in Brian's stories he had eaten well past his limit. Justin excused himself to the restroom feeling the effects of consuming most of the bottle of wine.

Brian sat alone at the table waiting to close out their bill and reflecting on how well it seemed to be going. Justin was easy to talk to. Brian was actually proud of himself since on his last first date attempt he had fucked the waiter before their entrees had even arrived. This was a marked improvement. He had briefly weighed the pro's and con's of fucking Justin in a public restroom but to his own surprise decided it would be better to wait on introducing Justin to the joys of semi-public restroom sex.

As they headed back to the car, Justin's phone rang. He knew without looking it was Eric by the ring tone and groaned softly but not because he didn't want to talk to him. He simply didn't want to be faced with the decision to leave Brian to support him.

"I'm sorry, I need to get this." Justin said as they climbed into the car.

Brian nodded and checked his own phone to avoid listening to one-half of Justin's conversation but couldn't avoid it as Justin started to tear up and then tell the caller he would be there as soon as he could.

Justin hung up his cell phone and turned to look at Brian with pained eyes, "I'm sorry. Eric's mother just passed away. I need to go. I'm sorry to leave, I had such a great time tonight. Thank you so much for dinner. I will just have the restaurant call me a cab."

"Don't be silly" Brian answered, "I can drop you where you need to go and take your paintings to my place. You can pick them up later. Where to?"

Justin smiled gratefully, "You're the best. Thanks so much. He's at UPMC."

As they drove, Brian moved his hand to Justin's leg as he made some phone calls to inform mutual friends of Eric's mother's death. Brian grew so tense he had to remove his hand when he learned more from about Beth's death from the content of his phone calls.

_It was so awful; you can't believe what the cancer did to her. She just wasted away so quickly. _

_I know it was just awful for Eric. _

_Such a blessing she wasn't suffering very long._

As Brian turned into the parking lot of UPMC he fought back his emotions, positively ill knowing that it was too late in the game for him to find someone. How could he be so selfish pursuing Justin knowing what he was facing? Why would he put someone he cared about through watching him waste away unnecessarily? No, if he needed someone to help him, he would hire a nurse. Justin didn't need to be bogged down with his burden. He would face this illness like he had the last time, on his own. He didn't need to be the burden holding him back.

* * *

Sorry for the slower than normal update. I just moved so in addition to being insanely busy, I am also without regular access to the internet. Please comment and share your thoughts. As with all things Brian...it's one step forward, two steps back.


	7. Chapter 7

Justin was exhausted from spending another sleepless night at Eric's place. Eric was inconsolable; he was in a deep depression and had Justin very worried. It had been just two days since Beth had died and he hadn't been home once since Brian dropped him off at the hospital. He and Eric had just left the funeral home after making the arrangements when Justin decided he at least needed to grab some of his own clothes. He dropped Eric at his place and used his car to drive home and grab some things.

Justin had been so busy trying to keep Eric afloat and fielding phone calls from sympathizers that he hadn't spoken to Brian once in the last two days. It wasn't until he pulled into the garage and saw Brian's car that it hit him how much he had missed him and that he still had his paintings. He showered quickly and put on his own clothes again before heading upstairs. It was sort of surprising that Brian was home on a weekday afternoon but Justin was anxious to confirm that there was still a connection there, one that surpassed the sexual chemistry.

Brian was beyond furious. His biopsy, originally scheduled for ten that morning, had to be rescheduled to three because apparently the hospital had screwed up and he needed to have his CT Scan before they could do the biopsy. A notice he didn't receive until he was already arrived and had waited forty minutes past his appointment time. That change was enough to alter his entire day's schedule since he had planned to be in a pitch meeting from two to four. Then Diane further made a mess of things when she moved that meeting up to eleven but forgot to update the outlook invite or notify the art department. So the client showed up and the boards weren't ready, catering hadn't delivered any food, the pitch fell completely flat and the sales manager was furious. Cynthia tried to smooth things over between art and sales only to have both turn on Diane, who quit suddenly in frustration making a huge scene in front of yet another client. All of which Brian was unable to do anything about because he was getting his CT scan at the time. He was so irritated by the turn of events that he decided to come home and work instead of going to the office while waiting for his biopsy appointment.

Brian was just about ready to go back to the hospital, scurrying about finding his phone and keys from the table and packing his tablet in his bag just in case he should get stuck waiting again when he heard the knock at his door. Justin's face wasn't what he had expected to find but for a moment the stress of the day lessened and he actually sighed a huff of relief and smiled. That moment passed quickly once Brian realized Justin wasn't smiling, in fact, he looked awful.

"Jesus, what happened to you?" Brian asked, forgetting for a minute that he wasn't supposed to care anymore.

"I haven't slept in a few days. I'm exhausted."

Brian placed his hand on Justin's shoulder and pulled him into the loft against his body. Justin allowed himself to be pulled easily collapsing his weight onto Brian's taller frame, resting his head on Brian's shoulder. Brian felt the load of Justin's weight on him and couldn't help but support him with his arm around his back. He lowered his head, resting his chin on top of Justin's head and stayed with him, neither speaking, until Brian recalled Justin's words about Beth and her death and the burden she was to her son. He pulled back, emotionally and physically, which caused Justin to straighten up and shift his weight onto his own feet again to avoid falling.

Justin looked at Brian as he pulled away from him, noticing for the first time that he didn't look happy to see him and that he had his keys in his hand.

"I'm sorry were you going to work or something?"

Brian nodded, "Yeah, I was on my way out."

"That's okay, I was just going to grab my paintings so they would be out of your way."

Brian led Justin over to where he had placed his paintings, all of them still packaged as they had been when they left the gallery, except for one. The abstract painting that he had so embarrassed himself over was opened and leaning against the shelf in Brian's living room with the canvas facing the wall. Brian had unwrapped it to look at it again when he got home from dropping Justin off at UPMC. He meant to rewrap it but that night, after he decided it wouldn't be right to keep pursuing Justin, he had gone to Babylon and dropped some E. He brought home two men to help him fuck his pain away. While the nameless, faceless men serviced him, it caught his attention and Brian wasn't sure if it was the lighting or the drugs or a combination of both but the painting just held him captive and it seemed to bypass his consciousness and stir his inner feelings. Then while thinking of Justin and staring at the lines and colors and patterns on the vast black canvas, he finally climaxed. Only just when he should have felt nothing but the warmth and tightness of the cavity his cock was buried in; just when he usually felt the complete nothingness that followed his orgasm and gave him such relief and comfort for all these years, he was flooded with overwhelming emotions. He became acutely aware of his loneliness, his fears and his destructive pattern of insolating himself from others when he looked at it that a wave of panic rose in his throat and tears welled up in his eyes. A moment Brian would never share with anyone because he didn't have the emotional intelligence to process it or vocabulary to describe what he was feeling. Then after he kicked the men unceremoniously out of his loft, he turned the painting around to face the wall unable to look at it again.

Justin noticed the positioning of his canvas and gave Brian a questioning look which went unanswered. Justin picked the canvas up and turned it around so the painting was facing them again.

"I'm surprised you picked this one as one of your favorites." Justin said with an earnest smile, "Most of the comments I get on this is that it is dark and unnerving to people. If you want it; I would like you to have it."

Brian didn't know what to say or do. He couldn't think of a reason to turn it down since he had already said it was his favorite but he needed to go to his appointment and he didn't want it or Justin for that matter in his space anymore. It was going to be hard enough to be alone without seeing a daily reminder of it hanging on his wall or having Justin popping in when he was feeling particularly weak and vulnerable.

"Listen Justin", Brian spoke as coldly as he could muster, "I think I've made it more than clear to you that I have no interest in you beyond sex; you are nothing more than a piece of blond boy ass to me. That includes your art and your boyfriend problems and whatever else causes you to pop up here uninvited. Now I've had a horrific day and your latest visit has made me late, so please just take your shit and go."

Justin could hardly control his shock at the cruelty of Brian's words. "Fuck you Brian!" Justin screamed as he snatched up the two of his four canvases and carried them outside of the loft door. When he returned Brian was still standing there watching him with a blank expression, completely without remorse or reaction of any kind. "What the fuck is your problem anyway?" he muttered in disbelief, "I just can't even….I don't…I can't….God, you're such an asshole!" he sputtered out finally before grabbing the last of his paintings and marching back out.

Justin placed the paintings in the elevator and hoped it would arrive soon. While he waited, Brian slipped out his door and locked it, taking the stairs down without so much as a look towards him. He felt confused and rejected and mostly just stupid for falling for someone like him in the first place. He carried his paintings into the loft and slammed the door so hard the picture of him and Eric fell of the wall and broke. He screamed as he picked up the dustpan to pick up the broken glass and tossed the shards into the trash, setting the picture on the countertop. He stared at his image and that of Eric's. He looked happy in the picture; Eric looked happy. Things weren't perfect with him but at least he had someone who really loved him and who he really loved. It should be enough; Justin thought he had wanted more passion but if passion came with heartbreak like this maybe it wasn't worth it.

Justin packed his things into a bag and stormed off back to Eric's still reeling from Brian's rejection. He entered the apartment calling Eric's name when he didn't see him immediately. He walked to the back of the apartment and heard the shower running. He cracked the door to let him know he was back but caught Eric's reflection in the mirror. Although he knew he shouldn't; he stared for a minute. He had seen Eric naked thousands of times before but now he studied him with more scrutiny. Eric was small-framed but not delicate. A thin layer of muscle sat just underneath his toned skin. He had bright, almost gray-blue eyes and satiny dark brown hair which must come from his father's side since Beth was as fair and as blond as Justin. He had boyishly handsome features, not sexy like Brian, but most of Eric's attractiveness came from his sweetness and genuineness. As Justin watched him through the mirror he realized that Eric was crying softly while running the water over his back. The moment struck Justin. He didn't think he had ever seen Eric look more achingly beautiful as he did in that moment. He wished he could paint him but there was no time and taking a picture would be inappropriate but still Justin wanted to capture the moment with something more than his eyes. He entered the small bathroom and stripped his clothes, joining Eric in the shower. He pulled their naked bodies together and ran his hands down Eric's back.

"Justin, what are you…" Eric protested but clung strongly to Justin.

"Shh, let me hold you. Let me kiss you." Justin said as he moved his lips over Eric's. Eric didn't know what was happening exactly but he knew instinctively that Justin needed him. Eric was so dead inside since his mom became sick and wanted to feel alive, even for a moment so although he knew it wouldn't change things he let it happen. He needed Justin and Justin needed him. Justin started off gentle, loving at first, just like it always was between them but then something changed. Justin's hands moved aggressively over his body and once tender touches felt more like groping. Eric wasn't comfortable, this wasn't his Justin, but he didn't stop it at first. Instead he tried to regain control and slid to his knees, taking Justin in his mouth. Licking slowly at his cock building momentum slowly. Justin stared down at Eric on his knees before him and closed his eyes. In his head he saw Brian and felt the burn of his rejection again. Then there was Eric, his Eric, so sweet and loving. This was where he belonged. This is what he needed…simple and uncomplicated. If only they could find their passion, it would be perfect. Justin let the slew of vulgar words and phrases he wanted to say run through his head while Eric suckled him. Only Eric's gentle manipulations were not supporting Justin's fantasy of a heated and passion-filled fuck he needed to prove to himself that Eric was the one for him. He waited it out as long as he could repeatedly trying to coax Eric into a more satisfying pace. He held the back of his head and thrust down Eric's throat, gagging him repeatedly until Eric pulled away in frustration. Justin didn't relent, he pulled Eric up and spun him around, grabbing his hips roughly back towards him and leaning his upper body away. He started pushing into Eric raw and let his mind wonder so far from where he actually was that only Eric screaming, "Justin, No!" pulled him back to reality.

Eric turned around and looked at Justin with confusion and pain. He turned off the shower and left the bathroom with his towel leaving Justin cold, wet and ashamed of what he had done. Justin dried off and followed Eric into the bedroom. "I'm sorry" he offered, sitting next to Eric on his bed pulling his face up to look him in the eyes. "I'm so sorry." He repeated.

Eric nodded and spoke softly, "I'm so confused. You have to tell me what that was about."

Justin shook his head, "I don't know. I was trying to see if we could get some of the passion back. We're so perfect for each other. I thought maybe we could try again."

"Jus, baby, there's a difference between passion and rough sex. I'm never going to be the man you want in bed. We know this. I will always want to make love slowly and tenderly. I will always want to be the more submissive partner but never rough, never like that."

Justin nodded, "I know, I just wanted to try one more time. I'm sorry if I upset you."

"Did something happen today? You were fine when we left the funeral home."

"Yeah, I saw Brian and it's over." Justin admitted.

Eric frowned, "It's over? Why? What happened?"

Justin scrunched up his mouth, unsure of what to say, "I'm sure you don't want to hear about this. It's sort of weird considering I just tried to fuck you again."

"It's okay" Eric assured him, "I just want to help. After all I know you pretty well and I'm sure Daphne is great but we both know she would rather keep you perpetually single and to herself so I'm not sure she will advise you honestly."

Justin laughed softly at Eric's mention of Daphne; he was always been amused by her anti-relationship stance. Justin confided in Eric about what Brian had said to him and his reaction to it and let the information sink in for a minute.

Eric considered the facts as Justin relayed them and was just as puzzled by them. "You know what I think?" Eric spoke sincerely, "I think that Brian really likes you and he's frightened by it and what you're seeing is him struggling to accept that he wants more than sex with you. So I think you should just call him out on that and see what happens."

"Call him out on it?" Justin repeated.

"Yeah" Eric confirmed, "Just go to him and call his bullshit and let him know that you deserve to be with someone that can be honest about their feelings towards you and even if he's scared by them, he doesn't have the right to treat you the way he did. Then just put the ball back in his court, either he grows up and treats you well or it's his loss and you walk away knowing you tried your best."

Justin smiled at Eric's sincere attempt to help him. While he thought that approaching Brian as Eric suggested would work for most men, he didn't see the Brian Justin saw this afternoon. He turned so quickly from one version of Brian; the one that Justin thought he could easily fall in love with, into a heartless son of a bitch. No matter how much he liked him, he couldn't deal with that level of unpredictability with anyone. He would always feel like he was waiting for the other shoe to drop. His head was pretty well over Mr. Kinney but it would take some time to let his heart and body catch up.

It was only five after three when Brian arrived at his appointment. The look the receptionist gave him for his tardiness was priceless considering it was the same lady who let him sit for close to an hour before letting him know he was rescheduled. He took a seat and pulled his tablet from his bag. He barely had enough time to connect to the public wifi before his name was called. The entire procedure took less than ten minutes. Brian was relieved it was uncomfortable but not painful, nothing like having his testicle removed had been. He watched curiously as the doctor handed a syringe of fluid to the nurse who placed it in a biohazard bag and labeled it to be sent to pathology. A small vial of fluid and some cells under a microscope to a trained eye would reveal Brian's future. It was far more scientific than Mysterious Marilyn's predictions but at least with her you got the answer right away, instead of the agonizing wait he was in store for. A small piece of adhesive tape over a piece of gauze was the only evidence of Brian's procedure. Evidence he removed as soon as he pulled into his garage in case he ran into Justin. He examined the small puncture from the needle and the slight bruising around it, nothing a collared shirt and tie wouldn't cover, shouldn't be a problem at work.

Brian took the elevator to his floor, too drained to walk the stairs and too scared to risk running into Justin. Why had he ever thought he could have something with Justin? He considered that the cancer must be in his brain the way his personality had changed so suddenly. He was Brian fucking Kinney, emphasis on the fucking part. There was no room for domesticity or happily-ever-after in his life. He was destined to die alone but hopefully still beautiful like James Dean. This was his fate.

Brian spent the next forty-eight hours in a live-like-you-were-dying frenzy. He ate what he wanted, fucked who he wanted, and indulged on all his favorite liquors and recreational drugs. He even considered selling his businesses, taking the money and traveling the world without ever hearing the results of his biopsy. Just let himself do and see as much as he wanted until he couldn't go anymore or he dropped dead. In the end, practicality ran out, and he scheduled a last minute trip to Toronto to see Gus using the flimsy excuse of having business in the area.

He arrived at Lindsay's house to see his son waiting for him on the front porch. He was wearing a pair of blue jeans and a Steelers jersey and holding a football. Brian frowned mostly because he thought that Gus was a soccer fan so had brought him a US World Cup shirt. It bothered him that he didn't know that Gus was apparently into football more than soccer these days. He said a cursory hello to Melanie and ushered Gus to his rental car. He just planned to take him out for the day, to the park to play, but Lindsay had said she wanted to talk to him, so they were headed to the museum where she worked for lunch first.

Once they settled into a booth at a nearby pizza place and Gus was occupied on a token operated video game, Lindsay dropped the bomb on him. She laid into how miserable Gus had been lately, how much he missed him. She thought since he was out for summer break that maybe Brian could take him for a few weeks, something he had done last summer. Brian would love to do nothing more but it would have been impossible to take care of Gus, he wasn't even sure he would be able to take care of himself in a few weeks. He made up a vague excuse about being too busy with work but Lindsay had anticipated his excuse. She had already talked to Ted and Cynthia and they both agreed that they could handle Kinnetik for a week so Brian could spend more time with Gus. Brian agreed to think about it mostly so he could create a convincing reason as to why it wouldn't work.

Brian left his lunch with Lindsay determined to devote his time to Gus selflessly. They did whatever he wanted which for Gus was a trip to the Children's Museum. They had fun looking at all the interactive exhibits geared perfectly to Gus's age and Brian started to notice the subtleties of his son's personality. For example, he noticed Gus wasn't so much a rule follower as a rule enforcer making it a point to note when other kids cut in line or said a bad word like stupid or shut up. He also noticed how Gus would study things while biting his lower lip, trying to figure out what to do without having to read the directions. Brian laughed at these quirks and enjoyed seeing his son become a full-fledged person. By the time he got back to the munchers house, it was Gus's bedtime. He helped him with his shower and supervised teeth brushing before putting him in his bed and reading him a Magic Time Machine book, another new interest of Gus's. When it was time to say good-night, Gus burst into tears and begged Brian not to leave him. The desperation in his voice was almost enough to bring Brian to his knees. He soothed him and rubbed his back until he fell asleep, never promising him anything he wasn't sure he could deliver.

As he returned downstairs, he told the girls he had to leave tomorrow but would take Gus with him for a few days and see how it went. He figured he could delay whatever toxic treatment they put him on to spend a few extra days with Gus.

Justin returned home from Beth's funeral emotionally drained. He was impossibly behind on work and hadn't painted all week. He also hadn't heard or seen from Brian, something that didn't really surprise him since he had gone out of his way to avoid running into him. Despite his absence, Brian had been on his mind almost constantly and made regular appearances in his dreams. He couldn't seem to shut off the part of him that wanted to confront him again and find out just what the hell had happened. It was the not understanding part that Justin struggled with, he wanted to know why.

He opened the door to his apartment to see Marcus sitting on his couch drinking a beer, watching the Pirates game. "Hey Justin" Marcus greeted him happily, "Glad you're home. How's Eric doing?"

Justin smiled at the friendly face, "Better, he seems to be holding up okay now. Where's Daph? Is she home yet?"

"She and Fi went out for drinks; I think the funeral was a bit hard on her. She's never been to one before."

Justin nodded, he was grateful that Daphne attended Beth's service for moral support but he knew she was uncomfortable. "Not that I mind but what are you doing here?" Justin asked grabbing a beer from the fridge.

"Daph didn't tell you? I'm crashing here for a few days, my roommate's girlfriend is in town and I told him I would make myself scarce."

Justin nodded and sipped his beer. He knew that Marcus still shared a house with another doctor friend of his, a way for them both to save some money to pay back the considerable student loan debt they both amassed. His roommate's girlfriend was also a doctor but was living somewhere else, maybe Toledo or somewhere in Ohio, doing some additional residency program. Justin was sparse on the details and didn't really care. He liked hanging out with Marcus.

He sat down and played candy crush on his phone while Marcus watched the baseball game. He hadn't really felt like talking but Marcus was feeling chatty and the subject inevitably came around to Justin's relationship with Eric considering how much time they had been spending together.

Marcus was actually really insightful about the grief process since he specialized in oncology; he was certainly comfortable with death and dying. He helped Justin understand Eric's depression and offered some ways to support him through it. Justin told Marcus about both his situation with Eric and with Brian and Marcus listened supportively until Justin got to the complete 180 Brian pulled when he went to pick up his paintings.

"Fuck man, I thought gay guys had it made not having to deal with all that drama bullshit women create. Brian sounds worse than this bipolar chick I dated in undergrad. Run man! Run away! No one has time for that craziness." Marcus laughed and in turn Justin laughed and felt a little better. Marcus was right; Brian was clearly too messed up to be wasting his time on.

Justin stayed up late talking to Marcus and when Fi and Daphne made it home they joined the party. Then Daphne brought out Cards against Humanity and they stayed up late playing and drinking. By the time Justin crawled into bed around three in the morning, he was just drunk enough to sleep without dreaming of Brian or worrying about Eric.

Brian landed back in Pittsburgh on the early flight with Gus by his side. He made arrangements to take some time off but had a nanny service on standby in case he needed them. They made their way to the diner for pancakes and then back home. Brian found his fatigue was still very problematic and his day with Gus at the museum and the travel had left him pretty drained. Gus was hounding him about playing basketball but he put him off for a bit. It was almost eleven but he convinced Gus to watch a movie while he took a little nap. Brian had just dozed off when he heard the phone ring. He reached for his cell phone and saw it was Dr. Agrawal's office calling. He opened the phone and took a deep full breath bracing for the dreaded "we need you to come in right away" speech. Only when Brian answered the phone he was greeted not by a receptionist but by the doctor himself.

_Brian, I have the results of your biopsy and I wanted to call personally to apologize. In all my years of practice I have never been guilty of jumping to a diagnosis as I was with you. It's just with your symptoms and prior radiation, well, I never would have thought it…Brian, you don't have lymphoma._

_I don't? What is it then._

_Well, I was so sure we were dealing with another cancer and your CT scan shows a lot of enlarged lymph nodes but after consulting with a colleague of mine, it looks like we are dealing with an auto-immune disorder called Sarcoidosis. It's nothing too serious but you may need some steroids or medications to help control the symptoms but most people don't require any treatment. I would like you to see her and since it's definitely not a cancer I'm going to pass your care along to her for follow-up. I couldn't be happier I was wrong on this one. The office staff will call you with your follow-up information once it's set up._

Brian hung up the phone and started crying from relief. He was fine, well not fine, but not dying either. He swept Gus into his arms and swung him around in a victory dance. Gus giggled at Brian's playfulness and dropped the basketball he was clutching. Brian set Gus on the ground and picked up his basketball and decided to play a little one on one right there in his loft just laughing with his son and feeling the overwhelming rush that came from being alive. They bounced the ball and jumped and tackled each other and tickled and rolled around on the floor and Brian had never had a high from any drug like the one he was experiencing at that very minute.

Justin woke with a vicious hang-over and what sounded like a marching band practicing above his head. He crawled into the fetal position and tried to block out the ruckus that was causing his light to shake on his ceiling. He grew angrier thinking of the source of the noise and what nerve Brian had to add this insult to injury. Justin threw back his covers, slipped on a pair of pajama bottoms and flip-flops, not caring that he looked like hell and was still shirtless. He marched right up to Brian's place and knocked on the door prepared to give him a firm piece of his mind and gain some much-needed closure.

* * *

A/N: Thanks so much for the support for this fic. I hope you're still enjoying it even through the angst. I love the reviews, please keep them coming.


	8. Chapter 8

He was only a few sentences into his tirade before Justin became aware of Gus's presence. The horrified gasp of the small boy over Justin's repeated use of profanity was enough to render Justin speechless. Stunned silent and with mouth open, Brian ceased the opportunity to make his move. He wrapped Justin in his arms and kissed the living fuck out of him. Every bit the enthusiastic continuation of his celebration triggered by his phone call earlier, Brian dipped Justin backwards and laid one on him. A phone call, of course, Justin remained oblivious to.

Gus giggled at seeing his dad passionately kiss the stranger but scattered off to the television fairly certain he heard the start of Spongebob Squarepants playing in the living room and finding it more of a draw then whatever his dad was up to.

Justin squirmed under Brian's assault, his fury even more ignited by the gall of the man to kiss him like nothing was wrong, like he hadn't said what he said. Justin pushed his arms between them to get enough leverage to remove himself from Brian's strong hands without falling backward on his ass. Finally standing on his own two feet and feeling relief from the fog that clouded his head, he raised a hand to slap Brian. He stopped just short seeing Gus was still within a clear view.

"What the hell is the matter with you? Do you have a mental illness of some sort?" Justin asked irately with only a hint of seriousness to his question.

Brian chuckled, "No" he replied, "Come in, I want to talk to you and I want you to meet my son."

Justin surveyed Brian's jovial expression and the way his eyes kept scanning his bare chest and obvious bulge that was not well concealed by the thin pajama bottoms he wore. His irritation at Brian's unpredictable mood swings boiled over and he erupted "I'm not interested in what you have to say. I didn't deserve to be dismissed so callously the other day and I sure as hell didn't deserve to be accosted because you decided to change your mind. I'm not a fucking toy you get to play with when the mood strikes you. I just came up here to ask you to keep the noise down."

Justin turned on his heel and walked out of Brian's loft with a huff. He was on the first step of the stairwell when Brian finally formed a word, "Justin wait" he called, meeting him at the top of the stairs.

"What?" Justin asked in exasperation when Brian continued to stare at him without a word.

"I'm sorry about the other day. I can explain." He offered casually.

Justin shook his head, "Sorry is bullshit; particularly when you say it like that. Like I said Brian, I'm not interested. I thought we might have had a connection but I was wrong."

"You weren't wrong. Please let me explain." Brian stumbled over his words desperate to explain.

"Brian, look, I'm just not looking for a friend with benefits. I thought that was what I needed but it's just not me. I want a boyfriend and it's not going to be someone who wants to fuck around, or have sex in the back of clubs, or gets freaked out by real emotions. I mean you're what, in your mid-thirties? If you're still doing that shit now, you and I can never work, so why waste our time trying, you know?"

Brian was gutted. Justin basically called him a promiscuous over-the-hill club boy that was incapable of expressing emotion. All things that were absolutely true. Brian had no reason to refute the accusations. If Justin knew what he needed, and it wasn't him, who was he to convince him otherwise?

Justin flew down the stairs confident in his decision. It was time to move on from Brian Kinney and find a real man who wanted the same things he did. Marcus and Daphne were on the couch chatting when Justin came back.

"Hey, where did you go?" Daphne asked surprised he had been out.

"Brian's" Justin responded and clarified upon seeing Daphne's disapproving look, "Just to ask him to keep it down. His son is there and the noise was crazy."

Marcus smirked, "You went like that?"

Justin nodded, "Yeah, I was still half-asleep."

"Uh-huh" Marcus nodded unconvinced. You show up half naked to an ex-lover's place, it's sends a clear message and that message is not stay away, he thought, but didn't say anything. He and Daphne exchanged a look that told him he was not alone in his thinking.

Justin walked over the couch and grabbed his laptop. "Hey, will you help me create one of these on-line dating profiles?"

Daphne and Marcus both burst into laughter but seeing Justin's hurt face they calmed down quickly, "Justin, you can't be serious. The only men you will find on those sites are just looking for sex."

"Well how else am I supposed to meet someone without trolling Liberty Avenue?"

Marcus and Daphne both glanced at each other with a knowing nod and then turned to look at him, "FACEBOOK!" they both exclaimed enthusiastically.

"What? I hate Facebook!" Justin protested.

Daphne took Justin's laptop and logged on to her Facebook page anyways. "Justin you're twenty-three and it's 2014. Stalking someone on social media is a perfectly acceptable way to meet someone."

"How is that different than a dating site?" Justin whined.

Marcus chimed in, "Because you can find friends of friends and their profiles give you enough real information about them to determine if you might have something in common with them. Not like dating sites where everyone just puts how big their cock is. Facebook will tell you what movies they like and what they really do on the weekends."

Daphne added, " Exactly, a dating site might say they like hiking but their social media will tell you if they actually hike on the weekends and where they hike or do they actually spend twelve hours playing Call of Duty?"

Justin watched over Daphne's shoulder while she searched through her various friends and looked at their friends to see if anyone stood out. "Here" Daphne pointed out, "Look here's Josh's page. This guy he's friends with Chris looks promising. He's an elementary school art teacher, twenty-six, from California but lives in Pittsburgh and is really hot. He went to Penn State, see, so Josh probably went to school with him."

Justin looked at the picture, "Yeah, he's hot but you don't even know he's gay."

Daphne navigated to other pages flipping through his pictures, "Justin here he is at Pride. Here's a picture of him with his mom who's wearing a PFLAG shirt and he's checked in at Woody's before. He's gay, trust me, and according to facebook single and interested in men."

"What the fuck?" Justin laughed, "You got all that from his facebook page?"

Daphne smiled and handed Justin back his laptop, "You're welcome" she stated smugly. "Now get stalking and if you find someone, I'll help you meet them." Justin smiled intrigued, taking his laptop into his room and familiarizing himself with social media sites he had largely managed to ignore. After a few days of obsessive trolling, he relented, deciding it was worth a shot and created an Instagram and facebook account for himself.

Brian was thankful Gus had been with him to distract him from the dark realization that he was destined to be alone. They spent a great few days together. Brian had a great time swimming, playing basketball, tennis, and soccer with his son. He loved that Gus seemed to be athletically inclined, far more coordinated for his age than Brian expected. They had some great talks too about his unique family and how to deal with mean kids at school. Gus only had two days left in town and Lindsay's folks were asking to spend time with him so Brian dropped him off shortly before his doctor's appointment.

When Brian pulled into UPMC parking lot he felt none of the dread he experienced the last time he was there. He found the directory and went to the third floor where Dr. Morse, the specialist he was referred to, was located. Brian entered the elevator and was joined shortly after by a familiar face.

Eric instantly recognized the attractive man he knew as Justin's new interest. "Brian?" he confirmed.

Brian nodded without speaking.

"I thought that was you. I'm Eric; we met at Justin's the other day." Eric held out his hand, balancing the box of cookies he was carrying, offering a handshake to Brian, which was met reluctantly.

"How is Justin?" Brian asked aiming for casual disinterest but failing miserably.

Eric smiled, "He's okay. Listen, it's none of my business but you're an idiot if you don't try harder with Justin, he's a great guy and I know he really liked you."

Brian nodded, acknowledging Eric's declaration. Liked being the operative word, as in past tense. "I think Justin made it perfectly clear he's no longer interested in me." Brian remarked as he left the elevator. To his surprise, Eric followed.

Seeing Brian's concern Eric explained his reason for exiting, pointing to a nearby office, "My mom's oncologist is on this floor; I am just dropping off a thank you for the staff who took care of her."

Brian nodded, "Yeah, sorry to hear about your mom's passing. Listen, nice seeing you but I need to go; I'll be late for my appointment."

"Hey Brian, if you change your mind and want to try to impress Justin, I have four years of experience knowing what the man likes." Eric added with a wink and turned to enter the doctor's office but struggled with the nob since his hands were full.

Brian held the door for Eric and thought about his offer. Brian had fucked up royally with Justin and all but written off his chances. Then again, he had changed and he was ready for something more substantial than a casual fuck. What kind of ad man would he be if he couldn't sell himself? Maybe a little market research was exactly what he needed before launching his new and improved Brian campaign. "Hey, you busy in about an hour?" Brian asked, his mind still working over the possibilities.

Eric broke into an impossibly big grin. "Yeah, there's a coffee shop in the hospital. I'll meet you there when you're appointment is finished."

Brian left his follow-up appointment with two prescriptions and new information about his condition which wasn't nearly as scary as the internet suggested and definitely a million times easier to deal with than cancer. He walked over to the Starbucks within the hospital and found Eric reading on his phone. "Hey" he smiled.

"Hi there" Eric answered, pushing out a chair for Brian. "Everything go okay at your doctor's appointment?"

Brian nodded, "Yeah, thanks"

"So before I help you I want to tell you something about Justin. He's not a man you can manipulate. He hates insincerity and he can detect it a mile away, so if you're going to do this, it has to be because you want him. Like, really want all of him, not just a fuck, and everything you do, it has to be from the heart."

Brian nodded, but couldn't disguise his look of apprehension.

"So do you want him?" Eric asked unconvinced by the nod alone, "Are you in love with him?"

Brian stared at the boldness of Eric's question. Love, he didn't know about love just yet. "Um, I'm not sure about being in love, but, I think... I'm open to the possibility; maybe for the first time in my life, I'm not afraid of it with him."

Eric met his response with an approving nod, "Congratulations, you passed my little test. Complete sincerity with no bullshit…first law of Justin."

Brian smiled and met Eric's mischievous gaze, "All right then Mr. Kinney, what can I tell you about the greatest guy I know?"

Brian spent over two hours with Eric learning about Justin. What he likes and what he doesn't like. Some questions, like those about his family and childhood, Eric wouldn't answer, insisting the Brian learn those things from Justin himself. Still, he learned not to buy him flowers because of his allergies but that the man loved caramel popcorn and Kit Kat bars. He learned other useful insights like that he licked his lower lip when he was excited about something and his bit his upper one when he was frustrated. Eric shared with him everything that he loved about Justin and, for a minute, Brian felt like maybe Eric should be the one trying again with Justin.

"Why are you helping me? It's obvious you're still in love with him." Brian asked, suspicious about Eric's motives for the first time.

Eric shook his head, "I do love him but I've accepted that we aren't compatible in some very crucial ways. I want him to be happy and I know you can be that guy for him."

"But I was so awful to him. Why would you think that?" Brian asked.

"I just know." Eric repeated, "Justin wants you, the real you, the one that took him to dinner the night my mom died. Not whatever persona you put up when you're scared to feel too much. Justin told me what happened and I recognize it because my mom had that same persona. She was alone her whole life, afraid to let love in for fear of getting hurt. She lost her parents when she was young, then my dad left her. It changed her. She would date someone and as soon as it looked like she might be feeling anything real, she would do something to scare them away. I'm guessing something like that happened to you…maybe not a loss like my mom, but something that made you not have much faith in people or made you think you weren't worthy of love. You don't have to tell me, it's none of my business. But Justin, you can trust him. He's great at love and he does it easily and with his entire being. It's an amazing feeling to be loved by him."

Brian stared at Eric dumbstruck by his insight. He didn't confirm his assumptions but he wanted to hug him for the help he offered, so he did. He gave him a huge hug and thanked him because somehow he knew that this conversation, his help, might change his life.

Marcus Chanders was having an exceptionally great day. One of his favorite patients had a great response to her chemo, his roommate's girlfriend had left so he was back in his own bed tonight, and a friend of his was called into an emergency surgery so he was the beneficiary of two tickets for tonight's Pirate's game and a very hot nurse was going with him. He thought he would celebrate by grabbing a calorie-ridden drink from the hospital coffee shop. That's when his great day turned crappy in a hurry. There, locked in a prolonged hug, was Eric with none other than Brian Kinney. Motherfucker! How was he going to tell Justin this?

Marcus fled the coffee shop and called his sister, tapping his foot anxiously as he waited for her to answer his call. "Sis, you're never going to believe this!"

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A/N: Shorter than normal chapter just to get it posted. Lots going on this weekend so not sure I will have much time to write and didn't want to leave the cliff hanger but of course now there's a new one to torment you with. Please let me know what you think. Comments and reviews are golden.


	9. Chapter 9

Daphne fell to her bed with a thump releasing a creak from the old metal bedframe. Marcus had to be wrong; it just made no sense. Eric wouldn't, he couldn't….it was impossible. Justin would be home any minute and she had never been good at hiding things from him but she resolved to say nothing until she knew for sure and made Marcus swear the same. The opening of the front door, followed by familiar footsteps alerted her to Justin's return and she heaved herself and the weight of her secret off the bed to join him.

Justin was scavenging in the kitchen for something edible. He hadn't been home much lately and having Marcus as a houseguest had pretty well emptied the shelves. He pulled a pad of paper out of the kitchen drawer and started making a grocery list.

"Hey, you need anything from the store?" Justin asked as he noticed Daphne standing there, "We are so out of food."

Daphne forced a fake "everything's all right" smile and rattled off a few things she could think of. Justin barely looked up but even with his head down she could tell he was smitten. Something was definitely up with her best friend. A small rumble of a cell phone from his pocket and the speed at which Justin reached to retrieve it was all Daphne needed to replace her forced smile with a real one.

"You met someone!" She laughed as she watched Justin blush over the text, "Living room now! Dish!"

Justin reluctantly followed her to the couch and flopped down. "His name's Mark and he's totally hot." Justin confessed, sort of pleased with himself.

"And….how did you meet?" She prompted.

"Facebook, sort of. I mean he's a friend of Liam's and I asked for more information about him just to confirm he was single and Liam arranged for us to meet for coffee this morning. We've been exchanging flirty texts back and forth all day. He asked me for dinner but I sort of already made plans with Eric."

Daphne patted Justin's leg genuinely happy for her friend and for a minute forgot about her dilemma. "Um, I think Eric will understand. You two are just friends, right?"

Justin nodded, eyebrow arched at her unexpected advice. "Daph, I'm not going to blow off Eric. Why would you even think that would be something I would do?"

"Well if you and Eric are just friends, can I, um, tag along tonight?" Daphne asked, certain if she could see Eric she might get to the bottom of his very unexpected behavior.

Justin didn't hesitate before adding Daphne to their dinner plans; it saved Eric a trip to come pick him up anyways. He changed quickly and they headed out to meet Eric at a Mexican restaurant they frequented, one best known for their excellent, and very strong, margaritas.

One of the nice things about not having a car was no one ever expected Justin to be the designated driver and three margaritas in, he was in no shape to drive even if they had. He expected the usual tension between Daphne and Eric competing for his attention might have died down with his and Eric's break-up but Daphne seemed to be even more gruff than usual. Justin's usual tendency to avoid getting in the middle of their spats was deadened by his tequila soaked lips. "What the fuck Daphne?" Justin asked, responding to the third attempt of Daphne's to grill Eric about his current love life.

Eric flashed a smile at Justin for his intervention and Daphne just shrugged. The conversation dying to a cringe-worthy pause made even more awkward by the noises of jovial restaurant diners buzzing around them. Granted asking Eric who he was fucking now did seem a bit harsh but Daphne wasn't getting anywhere being subtle. Daphne still didn't understand. Eric was a terrible liar and he hadn't cracked once. Justin pushed Eric a bit nudging him to let him out of the booth mumbling about having to take a piss. He turned standing over the table glaring a warning at two of his favorite people, "When I come back, you two need to have kissed and made up."

Eric looked around trying to ignore Daphne the best he could before she interjected. "You know Justin met a hot guy today and he turned down his dinner invite to hang out with you."

Eric flashed a puzzled look, "Daphne, do you want to just tell me what your latest fishing expedition is all about. I am way less tolerant than Justin of your interference in his life. If he met a hot guy; good for him."

"Is that cause you've moved on too?" She hissed.

"Not that it's any of your business, but no, I'm not seeing anyone right now. That doesn't mean I don't want Justin to move on. I'm even helping in my own way."

"What are you talking about? You think fucking Brian is going to help Justin move on?"

"What. the. fuck?" Eric asked, spitting frozen margarita all over her.

"Uh" Daphne exclaimed, grabbing a napkin to remove the sticky, cold droplets that fell on her arm, "I know about you and Brian!"

"God, Daphne, what is your problem? I am not sleeping with Brian. I am helping him get back into Justin's good graces. Not that I expect you to be happy about that either. You are one possessive hag."

"I just don't want Justin to get hurt. He needs a nice guy; Brian isn't the guy for Justin. I know Justin better than you!"

"Daphne, I am a nice guy and so is Brian. Stop getting involved and stop pretending that this is about him finding a nice guy. It kills you that you don't know Justin, like I know him, like a lover. Face it, you know you can't stand it that I know what it's like to have him inside me and I know the face he makes when he comes, something you will never have. It's why you're always turning away great STRAIGHT guys because you secretly just want to be with Justin….because you're in love with him." Eric did his best to hide the smugness he felt at finally being able to call Daphne on her bullshit. For the years he and Justin were together, he had her number, but always held his tongue out of respect for Justin.

"I am not in love with him!" Daphne seethed. She wanted to scream it and clenched her fists so tight her hands cramped up. She wanted to protest, explain that it wasn't the truth, but caught Justin's exit from the restroom in her periphery. As he walked closer to the table, Daphne gathered her bag and placed a twenty on the table.

"Hey, all better now?" Justin asked oblivious, his voice forcing an optimistic connotation to the question.

"Um, yeah, fine, look I have to go. Can you get a ride with Eric?" Daphne fumbled with her belongings and didn't wait for Justin's response before storming out.

"What the hell happened to her?" Justin asked befuddled, sliding back into the booth across from Eric. Eric shrugged.

"Beat's me. She was being weird all night."

"Yeah, I'm sorry she was being so rude to you…again." Justin stuttered. It wasn't the first time he apologized to Eric for Daphne's flying off the deep end over something neither of them understood.

"Women!" Eric exclaimed with hearty laughter, "Thank God we like dick, huh?"

Justin smiled at Eric's remark. He was often glad that he didn't have to pretend to understand women to get laid but he did have to live with her and her mood wasn't going to go away on its own. He wasn't looking forward to the fallout. The two men chatted easily despite both repeatedly picking up their cell phones which were perched next to their plates on the table. Justin wondered if Eric might actually be talking to someone since his excessive phone checking followed by occasional smirks and texting was all very out of character for him. Justin decided ignoring your cell phone during a meal was a courtesy extended only to a boyfriend and not to a friend and since it didn't bother him, he said nothing.

It was after nine when Eric and Justin finished off the meal and another round of drinks before heading home. Everything seemed very normal until Eric took a wrong turn and Justin gave him a questioning look. "I don't feel like going home. Do you want to check out some of the places on Liberty?" Eric said by way of explanation.

Justin laughed, confident that this was some sort of joke. Eric was never one to suggest clubbing or even bar-hopping but he really didn't want to deal with Daphne so he played along. "Sure" Justin nodded. "You want me to see if Liam and Josh want to meet us?"

Eric nodded, "If you want…"

A few text messages later and Eric suggested Woody's as a good central location to start their evening. Justin wasn't exactly in club clothes but he doubted Eric could be convinced to hit Babylon despite the night being his idea. Eric dropped Justin off at the front door and went to find parking. He stopped to text Brian first to let him know that he was delivering Justin as arranged earlier and then Liam and Josh to tell them to take their sweet time in coming to Woody's and that he would explain later.

Justin walked into Woody's and surveyed the crowded bar for a place large enough for their group. He pushed his way past sweaty, half-dressed men all seemingly biding time before it was late enough to hit the clubs. He found a high table in the corner. No chairs but at least a place to set drinks. He waited, checking his phone nervously and pondering asking Mark to meet him. He decided against it since Liberty Avenue wasn't exactly a first date sort of location and he didn't want to give the wrong impression that he was a club boy.

"Hey" Brian sauntered up to Justin carrying two drinks meeting Justin's wide-eyed, open-mouthed expression with a smoldering one of his own. "It's a tequila sunrise" he offered, confident that Eric's tutorial was already paying off, "I hear they are your favorite."

"How did you…What are you doing here?" Justin stammered but accepted the drink, his defenses already weakened by the margaritas.

"I saw you walk in and since you rushed off the other day, I wanted to say hello and see how you were."

"I'm fine and still not interested." Justin explained, "I'm actually seeing someone."

Brian flinched a little at Justin's declaration. Eric hadn't mentioned competition but it really didn't deter Brian all that much. "That's good." Brian smiled. "Cheers"

Justin tapped his glass to Justin's and looked around nervously for his friends.

"Is he meeting you here?" Brian asked casually, meeting Justin's stare towards the door. "What's he look like?"

"No, I'm waiting for Eric, Josh and Liam." Justin explained.

"Oh, so new boyfriend wasn't available?" Brian asked.

"Um, what? No, not tonight." Justin stumbled, willing Eric to come in the door, downing his drink nervously. What was it about his proximity to Brian that caused him to become unglued? Get a fucking grip already.

"You headed to Babylon?" Brian asked.

Justin nodded although he doubted it sincerely.

"Here" Brian offered pulling out VIP passes for Justin and his friends and setting them on the table. "This should get you in without waiting and free drinks. I'll be there tonight. I hope you save me a dance." Brian said sincerely. He took two steps from the table and turned to meet Justin's stare. "Hey Justin, I really am sorry about what I said. I was having a really shitty time and I took it out on you. I didn't mean it and I loved your painting. It was exquisite."

Brian walked away to see Eric coming in the door. A brief nod was exchanged as thanks. Eric only offered him a few minutes but insisted it was enough to lay the groundwork. Brian knew from Eric that Justin couldn't be seduced or pushed into forgiving him but he would want to forgive. It was in his nature. Brian just needed to keep reminding him of what had started between them before he had fucked it up and eventually the door would open. He just hoped this new man wouldn't be too much of an obstacle.

Eric brushed past the men milling around the bar to find Justin in the corner stewing. Eric had to suppress his laugh at the reaction Brian had garnered from his ex. "What the fuck took you so long?"

"Jeez, sorry, who knew parking down here was such a bitch. Looks like you got started without me." Eric dismissed Justin's anger and smiled.

"Fucking Brian" Justin explained as to why he had a drink already.

Eric laughed and seeing Josh and Liam, motioned for the men to join them.

"Man, this place is crowded tonight!" Josh said, elbowing a large bearish man out of the way who got a little too grabby with Liam's ass when they passed by. Liam grinned brightly at his boyfriend; he loved possessive Josh and melted back against his chest, wrapping his arms around him.

"What's this?" Josh asked pulling the VIP cards from the table. "So cool! Are we going?"

Liam smiled seeing Josh's enthusiasm. He loved nothing more than dancing with him and it had been awhile since they had been out. "Where did you get these?"

"Brian" Justin answered, pointing to him at the bar.

"Does he work there?" Liam asked studying the cards and flipping one over. "Wait, he owns Babylon? Oh my God. Why didn't you tell us?"

"What?" Justin gasped, "He does not!"

"Yes" Liam countered pointing to the back of the cards, "Look, they're on the back of his business card. Right here it says owner."

Justin grabbed the card and looked over at Brian who was chatting up a tall, lanky man in red leather pants and a see-through mesh top. He wasn't flirting, just talking. Justin pushed his way up to the bar and stood behind Brian.

"What the hell?" Justin exclaimed. "Why didn't you just tell me you owned the place?"

Brian stopped mid-conversation with his friend, "Excuse me!" Brian's friend said, incensed at being interrupted by one of Brian's tricks. "Rude little twink! We were talking."

Brian smirked a little, "Justin, I'd like to introduce you to one of my oldest friends. Emmett Honeycutt, meet Justin Taylor."

Justin realized how rude he had been and let his country club upbringing bring a flush of embarrassment to his face. He shook Emmett's hand before apologizing. Brian swiveled in his bar stool to face Justin. "I didn't tell you I owned Babylon because I didn't think it was important. I own several buildings and Kinnetik as well. I don't advertise these things but I don't hide them either. Does it matter?"

"I'm just surprised is all."

"Well maybe if you give me another chance, you will find I am full of surprises."

"Brian, I told you…"

"I know you're seeing someone. I'm just asking for a date; a proper one. Sex can be totally off the menu; that is, if you want it to be." Brian chuckled and did his best to ignore the look Emmett was giving him.

Justin smiled nervously and spun around to glance at his friends. He watched as Liam and Josh kissed as if no one was in the bar, as if the world had faded away. He wanted that with someone so deeply. When he turned back to see Brian's face he felt a fire rise up from his belly and fought back the overwhelming desire he had to kiss the man, "fine one date, no sex."

Brian nodded and watched as Justin rejoined his friends before giving Emmett a warning look, "Close your mouth Honeycutt!"

"What the fuck was that about?" Emmett asked perplexed. "Are you really dating someone, like for real?"

Brian glanced over at Justin and watched his golden blond hair bob around in the crowd as he laughed with his friends and let his eyes take in his perfectly shaped ass. His mouth practically watered for it. "You know Honeycutt; there's more to life than sex." He deadpanned and took his drink, smirking in his own honest revelation while still watching Justin intently.

He turned just in time to see Emmett feign a heart attack and grasp the bar melodramatically. "Bartender, your best Champaign!" he called.

"Champaign? At Woody's?" Brian asked his eyebrows pushed together.

"Well since hell has clearly frozen over; I guess all these fags can't be going there after all. Seems we should celebrate. Who knew it just took one little blond twink to save the lot of us from the eternal fires, my daddy will be very disappointed."

"Emmett, I'm serious about this one. I think I need him in my life." Brian admitted not liking the dismissive tone Emmett was taking; he wanted his friends to know he was really changing.

Emmett marveled at Brian's candor, "Honey, then he must be an angel."

Brian smiled, "Yeah, my angel."

* * *

A/N: Sorry this one took so long. So a few turns on this one but the angst is lessening. Daphne's reaction to Eric's accusation? What do you think, is he right? Brian's chance at a real date with Justin, where should he take him?


	10. Chapter 10

Brian woke up in the morning earlier than he had expected. Gus was still snoring softly on the air mattress in the next room and his rhythmic breathing filled Brian with a sense of well-being. Not that he had a late night; he made it home just after midnight to relieve the babysitter. He had really only gone to Babylon for a chance to dance with his fair haired angel and the memory still vividly played in his head when he shut his eyes.

Brian was in his office when the doorman texted him around eleven that the passes had been used. He had them printed specifically for Justin so he would know it was him. He made his way downstairs to the dance floor and circulated through the club until he caught sight of Eric, looking horribly uncomfortable, clinging to the bar. Brian watched from across the room waiting for Justin to return to Eric but chuckled at observing Eric's behavior while he waited. Eric was one of those men who was just too inhibited to truly appreciate the depth of their sexuality. He was wholesome and the poster child for "gay is the new normal" campaigns the GLC was always producing. Brian watched in amusement as was approached by a few power tops, likely looking for fresh virgin meat, but they all took Eric's polite dismissal without incident. The poor kid just screamed "kindergarten teacher looking for husband to live in suburbs" which was typically too much trouble for a man simply looking to get blown in the backroom.

Brian had nearly given up hope for his dance when he spotted Justin stumbling back over to Eric. He looked to be just a shade past tipsy and was now shirtless and covered in a layer of sweat. His pale skin glistened when a few sparkles of glitter caught the light just right. Justin gave a sidelong look of appreciation to his most recent dance partner, a small statured, pretty-boy type that Brian didn't recognize, as he walked by. Brian approached him quickly, fearing his window was closing, but he wasn't fast enough to catch him alone. By the time he was near enough to touch him, Liam and Josh had also rejoined their group and the four men formed a huddled circle speaking loudly over the music, smiling and laughing. Brian had been hesitant about asking Justin for a dance in front of his friends but there was no time to get him alone now; he took a deep breath and tapped his shoulder and placed his hand on Justin's hip as he whispered loudly into his ear from behind him and guided him to the dance floor. The song that was playing was Beyoncé's Partition and the overly sexual lyrics about fucking in the back of a limo did little to contain their urges to grope each other under the guise of dancing. Their dance was amazing but touching Justin again, seeing him smile, and feeling him push his body against Brian as they moved, was fucking fantastic. It took everything Brian had to wish him a goodnight and announce he had to get home to his son. Brian took it as a good sign that Justin seemed disappointed when he said he had to leave.

One of the many helpful things that Eric had revealed to Brian about Justin was that he did not subscribe to the antiquated, stereotypical, dominant or submissive roles Brian was accustomed too. He was looking for a true partner, an equal, in every way including in the bedroom. A need Brian had under-appreciated given their age difference and Justin's proclivity, and considerable talent, for bottoming. He had simply assumed that Justin would respond to his normal predatory, domineering approach he used to lure men in for mind-blowing sex. Justin had already revealed to him that he liked to switch it up in bed and considered versatility important in a long term relationship, so Brian had begun mentally preparing for meeting his need there. It was outside the bedroom where he wasn't so confident. Brian had never let another man lead him, even letting Justin help him out of the car that first night of Babylon was off-putting and the gesture refused. He had actually planned to let Justin take the lead when they danced but it just felt unnatural and since he was taller and admittedly a weaker dancer than Justin, he just hadn't been able to let that happen and feel confident enough about it that it would come off genuine. Thankfully Justin didn't seem to mind but Brian considered after he left Babylon how much he would have to adjust his own style and leave his comfort zone to make sure Justin felt like a true partner if this was going to work.

Brian laid in bed for a long while considering his options for a proper, pre-planned date venue with Justin. He hadn't really considered a date with the no sex clause attached; it was sort of a joke at the time. However, he surmised that if he planned the date correctly it would be Justin instigating the physical activity afterwards anyways. After all, their sexual chemistry was smoking hot and Justin's body language while they danced was an undeniable confession that that particular desire was still mutual. Brian found his thoughts too frequently straying to places they might be able to easily fuck, which then led to thoughts about how he would fuck him if given the chance. All these thoughts were enough to put his semi-erect cock at full mast and distract him entirely from planning a sex-free date. This was definitely going to be harder than he thought. Brian mindlessly slipped his hand into his briefs and worked his fist over his cock in a few leisurely strokes before the realization that he was too close to a sleeping Gus to allow his release to happen while lying in bed. He moved to the shower so he could properly address the problem.

Justin moaned when the distinctive whirl of the coffee grinder woke him too early from his alcohol-induced slumber. The smell of French roast and the inevitable tension-ending chat session with Daphne lured him out of bed. He stumbled towards the hallway still in white briefs with a small stain on the front; the remnant of copious fluid his cock was leaking last night during his dance with Brian. Justin stripped them off with a whimsical giggle remembering how fucking hot the dance with Brian was and put on a clean pair of shorts. His phone lit up with an unchecked text message from Mark that just said "looks like a pretty wild dinner with a friend" which Justin failed to understand until he noticed the Facebook notifications from pictures that had been posted by Liam from last night. Justin vaguely remembered Liam taking pictures at Babylon but one touch on the notification and he was treated to a series of incredibly risqué pictures of himself dancing with Brian and a slew of other men, shirtless. Mark had clearly seen Liam's pictures of Justin given the content of his last text message. The photos with ass-grabbing and grinding probably made Justin's explanation of having dinner plans with a friend look like a bold face lie and for Justin to remember why he hated Facebook to begin with.

He shuffled into the kitchen and was greeted with a cup of coffee in his favorite mug by a smiling Daphne. It was suspicious. "What's up?" he asked.

"Nothing, um, I'm sorry about last night." She apologized without offering up an explanation.

"Okay, but its Eric you owe the apology to. You can tell him tonight." Justin smirked.

"Tonight?"

"Yeah, Daniel and Michelle's rehearsal dinner… Eric is my plus one."

Daphne crinkled her face in a mixture of surprise and disappointment. "You're bringing a date to my brother's dinner?"

"Yeah, Daniel told me I could bring someone. I figured you would be busy with family stuff and I didn't want to be alone."

"But I'm not even in the wedding. I thought we would be hanging out, now I will feel like a third wheel."

Justin shook his head with a shrug and took his coffee back to his bedroom. He could see Daph working up into one of her moods again and he wanted nothing to ruin his day. He finally had a few hours to concentrate on painting and nothing was going to deter him. He needed to get all his emotions out on canvas before they consumed him.

Daphne was still sulking a bit when her phone rang. It was Daniel, which she would have loved to ignore but given the importance of the day, she answered. After reminding her for the umpteenth time about being nice to Michelle, he asked her if she was bringing a date to the dinner tonight or to the wedding; they needed final headcounts.

_God, no okay I'm not bringing a date! Get off my back about it._

_Fuck Daph, what the hell is your problem? I don't give a shit either way, I just need the number._

_Well everyone is getting on my nerves about the fact that I don't date._

_Whatever, sis, I will see you tonight. _

Daniel hung up abruptly on his sister, frustrated and nervous. He realized that she did not like Michelle but her opinion on the matter wasn't all the relevant to him. Michelle was the love of his life and he attributed Daphne's attitude to childish jealousy and to Justin. Marcus and Daniel were well aware of Daphne's feelings for her best friend, not that either of them would be brave enough to confront her on it. They both knew that would be signing up for a suicide mission. Still he did wish Daphne would meet a good man who would love her back. Justin was a good guy but even as a shy twelve year old it was obvious Justin was more interested in catching Marcus naked when spending the night with Daphne. Daniel had even made a comment to his mom about how Daphne was getting a bit old to have a male friend spend the night and he recalled his mom laughing and saying "Oh honey, that Justin is as queer as a three dollar bill."

Daniel made his way into the bedroom where Michelle was getting ready. "Hey honey" she smiled as she put on her make-up. "Did you talk to your sister?"

"Hey" he offered kissing the top of her head. "Yeah, she's not bringing anyone."

"What?" she cried. "But that will mess up the seating arrangement because Justin is bringing Eric."

Daniel did not want Michelle to be unhappy but he had no interest in seating arrangements. "Well your brother is single. Can you just move them together?"

Michelle took a look at the notepad with the seating arrangement. "Tom was supposed to sit with the wedding party but I will just move Daphne to that table. I guess she will be fine since Marcus will be there with his date. I feel like I should have asked her to be a bridesmaid anyway so this is just as well."

Daniel nodded, grateful that the crisis was averted. Tom was about Daphne's age, single and straight. Maybe he could convince Michelle to play a little matchmaking between their siblings. It might be difficult considering Michelle wasn't exactly Daphne's biggest fan.

Brian left the loft with Gus on his way to the park before he had to get him to the airport to meet Ben. Ben, as luck had it was in town to see his doctor, and was flying back with Gus to Toronto. Gus was clutching his football and wearing a Polamalu jersey his grandfather had bought him yesterday. Brian had never played football and it was probably his least favorite of all sports. Even Drew couldn't convince him it was an interesting game but the munchers clearly encouraged Gus' passion and so Brian was forced to indulge it but he brought a soccer ball along just in case.

Brian escorted Gus into the elevator and balanced the luggage Gus had brought with the picnic he had packed, all pre-packaged foods from the local deli. When the elevator stopped on the fifth floor, he knew without looking it was Justin who would be waiting on the other side. It was unnerving how he could feel the man's presence without seeing him.

He lifted opened the door to let Justin in but before either of them could get in a word edgewise, Gus gasped loudly. Justin cringed as he considered that their last encounter might have Brian's son forever associating him with bad language but then Gus screamed, "Dad look, Number 43, he has the same one" while pulling on his jersey.

Justin looked down to see what jersey he had pulled on this morning. They basically served as smocks for his purpose and he rarely considered the team or the number as anything of relevance. "Yeah, looks like it" Brian said, "I guess you're a football fan as well?"

Justin smiled at Gus and gave Brian a roll of his eyes to convey he didn't have any interest in the sport. "I'm painting today; this is what I wear when I don't care if it gets ruined. My dad buys them for me, I have a million." Justin explained.

"Hi Gus" Justin offered his hand squatting down to Gus's eye level, "I'm Justin. It's nice to meet you. I hope you have a great day playing football. Maybe I will see you soon?" he added, looking to Brian for a sign that their date might be sooner rather than later.

"I'm going home today" Gus said remorsefully, "but you can come play with us. My dad isn't very good anyway."

"Hey" Brian objected, "You don't know if I'm good, we've never played."

"Mama warned me you weren't very good" Gus explained with a little giggle. "Do you play football Justin?"

"I'm afraid I won't be very good either and I would love to but I need to paint today."

"Oh, I love to paint" Gus said, "Can we do that instead Dad?"

Brian's eyes met Justin's and he was torn. He could use this moment to manipulate Justin into spending more time with him or he could be respectful of Justin's time and art. Justin was torn as well but he could see the excitement in Gus' eyes and he did love teaching art to kids. "You know what? If your dad doesn't mind, I have some art boxes for kids in my apartment and we can go to the park and draw. I just need to grab some supplies from my studio on the way. It's been a while since I sketched. What do you think about that?"

Gus nodded enthusiastically and pulled on Brian's hand for permission, "You sure?" Brian asked feeling relieved that Justin had offered but a bit guilty about taking him away from his plans.

"Sure, I love kids and I would much rather draw than play football. Do you mind? I don't want to intrude."

"Not at all" Brian confirmed with a wide smile. "Why don't you grab what you need and meet me and Gus in the garage."

By the time they left the studio and found a parking at the park, Brian knew Justin better without barely getting a word out. Gus was quite the interrogator and had covered a wide arrange of topics that he felt were important. They now knew that Justin loved cats but was allergic so never had any himself, didn't particularly care for peas even though his mom made him eat them, and that Justin never played any sports. The last tidbit was the source of great controversy for Gus. Then when they got out of the car, Gus surprised Justin by grabbing his hand while they crossed the street still immersed in conversation, leaving Brian to carry the bulk of the day's supplies on his own.

Once Brian caught up to them, Gus was already pulling the art supply box out of Brian's hands and Justin was helping spread out the blanket. "Your son is quite the character" Justin remarked.

Brian nodded, "I know. I worried about this sports obsession, I don't think he plays for the same reasons I did."

Justin beamed sensing he understood Brian's stuggle, "Why did you play?"

"To be with the hottest guys, of course" Brian grinned.

Justin laughed and helped Gus find the right supplies. Brian took his shoes off and since it was warm, removed his shirt, tanning himself while Justin and Gus drew. Brian so grew bored just watching and although he was not much of an artist; he took a few art classes in college to make his drawings identifiable. He picked up a paper and drew Justin while Justin gave Gus tips.

"Hey let me see" Justin insisted after noticing Brian was drawing. Brian clutched the pad to his chest and put his hand out to stop Justin from grabbing it.

"No way. It will look completely amateurish next to yours." Brian protested fighting off Justin's playful swipes.

Gus looked at Justin and gave a mischievous grin, "It's okay Justin, just tickle him and he will show you. It's what my mom always does."

Justin looked at Gus, then back at Brian whose eyes grew wide in panic before he got up and ran like a mad man in the park while Gus and Justin chased him down and jumped on top of him, tickling him and making him squirm under their fingertips.

"Okay, okay" Brian panted breathlessly, "Stop! Here! I give up."

He lifted the pad away and let Justin see his sketch. Justin looked it over blushing at the subject matter and gave a few honest critiques. "It's not bad. Your proportions are good, shading needs some work but you've clearly had some training."

Brian felt like he couldn't breathe with Justin still so close to him. Gus huffed seeing his dad's focus was back on Justin, "Dad I'm going to get my football now. Are you going to kiss him again?"

Brian turned to Gus and smiled, "Maybe I will or maybe I will just kiss you. What are you going to do about it?" he joked while attempting to grab Gus and kiss his cheek. Gus gave a disgusted shout and scampered back to their blanket to get his ball, leaving Brian lying flat on his back and Justin, lying beside him on his side, angled towards him, in an open field.

When Gus was out of earshot, Justin pulled Brian's chin around so they were eye-to-eye. "Maybe you should kiss me again?" he offered flirtatiously, running his hand up the side of Brian's flank.

"…or maybe you should kiss me?" Brian countered, shutting his eyes and letting Justin caress his face and move his lips to meet in one explosive, perfect kiss. A kiss that ended only by a scream of "watch out" a single moment before Brian and Justin were nailed in the head with Gus's football.

"FUCK! Ouch!" Brian exclaimed, rubbing his head and Justin's at the spot of impact. "Gus! You have to be more careful."

"Sorry Dad. Sorry Justin" Gus apologized running over to collect his ball.

Justin ran his hand over his scalp and let Gus know he was forgiven. The kiss had been more dizzying than the ball anyways. Justin stood up and helped Brian to his feet before heading back to the picnic area.

"I think I'm getting hungry" Gus said running ahead and tearing into the basket.

"You know, you are full of surprises Mr. Kinney and you are a great dad." Justin commented as they strolled behind Gus, his hand finding Brian's. He sighed relaxing when it wasn't refused.

Brian didn't have any words to describe the complexity of emotions that were flooding his body. He was far from a great dad but the fact that Justin thought he was meant the world to him.

It was almost four when Brian announced he needed to take Gus to the airport. Justin sighed, "Yeah I need to get home too. I have a dinner to go to."

"A dinner?" Brian asked, a twinge of jealousy shooting through him.

Justin smiled detecting Brian's concern, "Um, yeah Daphne's brother is getting married, tonights the rehearsal dinner."

"I see" Brian responded while packing up their belongings, "so I guess our sex-free date isn't going to happen tomorrow then?"

"This was sort of a sex-free date." Justin observed, whispering to avoid Gus' notice.

"No way Justin, I want a proper date." Brian remarked, "This wasn't even planned."

Justin laughed, "Brian, I meant now that we have had the sex-free date our next one doesn't need to be rated PG necessarily."

"No? Well does Sunday afternoon work for you?"

"Um, I usually paint on Sunday's but maybe around 3 or 4"

Brian nodded, "It's a date."


	11. Chapter 11

There were few things Justin hated more than wearing a suit and tie. First because it brought back vivid memories of his Catholic school uniform and second because his only suit was purchased for interviews before he had a job and was off the rack and ill-fitting to his overly round ass. Nevertheless, he dressed appropriately for the formal wedding event and waited in the living room with Eric for Daphne to finish dressing. Several screams of frustration echoing from the bathroom while she attempted to tame her unruly hair with a straightener told them both it was going to be awhile longer.

Eric looked handsome, Justin thought, as he watched him mindlessly flipped channels with the remote. Justin chuckled as Eric checked his watch for the third time. "We're going to be late" he warned. Eric was always punctual.

Justin nodded, "Daph, it's almost seven. Are you ready soon?" he called down the hall.

A grunt followed by another five minutes of silence passed before a stunning Daphne appeared before them announcing she was ready to go. "Wow" Justin marveled, "You look beautiful"

"Thanks" Daphne smiled graciously, "So do you. You too Eric"

Both tonight's dinner and the wedding were held at the Summerhaven Country Club, a place Justin had spent a fair amount of time at as a young kid. Justin hadn't set foot inside since he left home, it felt pretentious and stuffy. Things he associated with his parents, and quite frankly, with Daniel and Michelle. He dropped his arm from Eric's waist the second he opened the door; it was definitely not a place that welcomed same sex couples, even if he and Eric were just friends now, he felt unwelcomed and inhibited just stepping into the grand entrance decked ostentatiously in dark green and gold decor.

Name cards blanketed the white-linen clothed tables and it didn't take long for Eric to located his and Justin's names; they were surprised to find Daphne was sitting at another table all together. She looked annoyed by this but complied, having been warned repeatedly by both her brothers and her parents that she was to be nothing but gracious and cordial for the duration of the wedding events or else. The actual rehearsal was still going on so the wedding party was lingering in the ball room adjacent to the dining space.

"Daph," Marcus called to her, "Come over here."

Daphne joined her brother and his latest girl of the month, an attractive dark-skinned nurse, with fake boobs that was named either Tara or Sara. Daphne couldn't remember and didn't really care to confirm since she wasn't likely to be around very long. She sat down quietly with a brief hug to her brother.

"Hi, you must be Danny's sister" the man to her left spoke, "I'm Michelle's brother, Tom."

Daphne shook Tom's hand and nodded. Tom was late-thirties, handsome in a distinguished sort of way. He reminded Daphne of a younger Denzel Washington with fewer muscles. Daphne guessed he was a doctor or lawyer type although she didn't ask; likely the reason he was still playing the field, too busy establishing his career to settle down. He was probably exactly the type she was supposed to be attracted too.

Dinner began shortly after the rehearsal concluded thankfully ending Marcus, Sara and Tom's neverending baseball discussion. Although she was not asked, she took out her camera and started snapping pictures. Truth be told, she was more offended by not being asked to photograph the wedding than to have not been included as a bridesmaid, but her brother had insisted that she couldn't enjoy the wedding if she was taking the pictures, not to mention, she was expected to be in a fair amount of them. Daphne considered it was probably for the best, after all, she might be tempted to photograph the entire wedding and not produce one flattering shot of the bride. During dinner, Daphne repeatedly strained her neck to see what Justin was up to. When she finally had a good enough line of sight, Justin and Eric were sitting next to each other with legs and bodies angled toward each other, talking intimately. Justin even offered Eric a bite of his lobster from his fork and wiped the drops of spilled butter from his chin with his thumb. "Grrr" she moaned to herself only to hear Tom laugh softly at her.

"Is that your boyfriend or something? You want me to switch places?"

"No, he's not my boyfriend. He's my roommate, Justin." Daphne clarified tersely. She never thought roommate did their relationship justice but best friend seemed too childish anymore.

"Oh thank God, because I didn't want to be the one to tell you that your boyfriend is gay." Tom laughed.

Daphne actually laughed at his comment and flashed a smile as a response.

"There it is" Tom remarked with a smile of his own.

"What?"

"Your smile. Your brother told me you had a great smile but you've pretty much had a scowl on your face all night."

"Which brother?" Daphne asked, sensing she was being set up.

"Daniel. He sort of suggested that we might hit it off. I'm not trying to pick you up but it would be nice to get to know you…you know…since we are practically family now."

Daphne recognized flirtation when she saw it. His eyes twinkled, his hand brushed her arm. It felt nice until she realized something. She would rather be with Justin. She would always rather be with Justin. His compliment to her earlier gave her butterflies while Tom's did nothing. That couldn't be normal. She swallowed hard and did her best to keep her attention to Tom. She knew what she needed to get these fucking emotions under control, only it was going to be a little trickier than normal. "Yeah but we aren't exactly related so what do you say we take a walk before dessert?" she asked him in her sexiest voice.

Tom looked at her questionably but dropped his napkin to his plate, "Yeah, I could stretch my legs." He said as he stood up and escorted Daphne out of the private dining room onto the terrace overlooking the 18th hole of the perfectly manicured golf course. The sun was setting and Daphne's orange dress was the perfect complement to the warm colors of the sunset. Her dark skin looked flawless in the remaining light. Tom was mesmerized by the image and his stare was not subtle. "Wow, you, um, you look beautiful. I wish I had my sketch book. I want to draw you like that."

"You're an artist?" she asked.

"Yeah, that's why Daniel thought we'd hit it off. I mostly do sculptures. Mostly glass. I'm no Chihuly but I make a living. I still love to draw."

Daphne smiled again, "Justin is an artist." She added while moving closer to Tom who was sitting on the cement ledge of the half-wall that surrounded the terrace. She nudged his knees open so she could stand between his legs and then looked into his eyes intently to see if he would make the first move .

"Um, there's a lot of seating if you want to sit down." He said, smiling apprehensively, and gesturing to the empty terrace.

Daphne blushed but moved to sit next to him. She was disappointed he wasn't going to be bold enough; it complicated things a bit. No matter, Daphne was plenty savvy at getting some casual, meaningless, forget what troubles you sex.

She took her hand and placed it on his cheek. "You're really hot" she whispered moving her hand to his upper thigh, "Do you want to take that walk now? I know a quiet place where we won't be disturbed so we can…..talk."

Tom looked flustered and stammered at her offer, "Um, wow, thanks" he said, forcing a smile, "but that's not really my thing. Not that you aren't gorgeous but we just met like thirty minutes ago."

Daphne couldn't believe her luck. Of course Tom would be like Michelle, all prim and proper, and now she's made an idiot of herself and her brothers were bound to find out. "No problem, sorry but can you please not tell Michelle. I really don't need my brothers on my case." She asked as she stood up to leave as if he were walking away from a business deal.

He stood up with her and grabbed her waist. "I won't say anything. But whoever it is you really want; you should tell him. I know when I'm really wanted and when I'm being called up as a relief pitcher. You're beautiful and feisty doesn't scare me but trust when I say I'm starting line-up material. If you decide you really want me, here's my card. I'd love to take you out sometime."

Tom returned to the party, leaving Daphne speechless and horrified. If someone who has known her for less than hour knows; why doesn't her best friend since kindergarten figure it out already?

"Daphne" Justin called to her from the door, "Hey there you are. The dinner's wrapping up and your folks are looking for you."

"Hey" she responded, "Where's Eric?"

"Talking to Marcus; I wanted to check on you alone. Are you okay?" Justin smiled and hugged Daphne seeing she was close to tears. "Hey, what is going on with you lately? Ever since we moved to the new place, you've been off. Why won't you just talk to me?"

Daphne melted into Justin's arm and the emotions she had been choking back just hit her in one overpowering wave. "Justin, I can't, I need to go." She cried as she broke their hug and ran back to the parking lot. She was in a full ugly sobbing mode by the time she realized Eric had driven and she didn't have a car. She turned to walk back to the clubhouse when she saw Tom approaching.

"Hey, are you all right?" he asked, looking around for an explanation for her tears but seeing only a sea of cars.

"No" she huffed, "Listen, can I get a ride?"

"Sure, where do you live?" he asked, putting a hand on her back and escorting her to his car.

"No, um, I can't go home tonight. Can you…would you mind if I hang out with you? I promise I won't throw myself at you." She assured him, cinching her jaw at her obvious desperation.

Tom laughed, "Sure, how about a drink?"

"God yes!" Daphne laughed through her tears as she composed herself, sitting into the passenger seat of Tom's Lexus and wiping her still wet eyes with the back of her hand. "God I'm a mess" she exclaimed pulling the mirror down from the visor and blotting her smeared mascara with a tissue she dug out of her purse.

"You still look beautiful. Do you want to talk about Justin?"

"That obvious, huh?" she winced.

"Little bit, sorry hon" he smiled before driving off.

Justin went back into the dining room and found Eric waiting for him, tie off and jacket over his lap, his top shirt button undone. He looked like he was ready to go thirty minutes ago and Justin apologized for making him wait.

"No luck finding her?" he asked, exhausted and trying not to reveal his actual feelings about Daphne's runaway diva routine.

"No, I'm really worried." Justin admitted. He had never seen Daphne so wrung out emotionally. She was usually so detached and pragmatic about everything, well except for him. The fact that she was so sad made him wonder if her dark moods were about him although he had no idea what he had done to upset her.

Eric dropped Justin off at home and made an excuse for why he couldn't stay. The truth was ex-boyfriend wedding date service was one thing; he owed Justin for all the help with his mom, but dealing with Daphne's antics? That obligation died when they broke up as far as Eric was concerned. He knew full well what the problem was. Once he and Justin split, Daphne thought her little "love him enough to turn him straight" fantasy was going to come true. Now, he was just as gay as before only taking it as well as giving it, so probably "more gay" in most straight people's minds. That had to be killing Daphne. Justin hadn't a clue and he wasn't going to be the one to tell him. It was something they needed to deal with on their own and she would have to tell him on her own time. He knew better than to come between those two.

Justin opened the door to find Daphne still not home which only made him worry more. By one in the morning, he assumed she had found a one-night stand for the evening, not uncommon for her, but it wasn't like her to not let him know she wasn't coming home. Whatever it was must be about me, he thought, as he turned off the lights and headed to bed. He thought of Brian as he lay in bed, recalling their fantastic non-date. It was truly an unexpectedly fun day and he wished he could see him again, just to snuggle next to him and kiss him while they drifted off to sleep. He picked up his phone and sent a good night text. It was late and on a Friday night, after having Gus for a week, Justin figured he was still out. So it surprised him to get a return text so quickly especially one that said he wanted to say good-night in person. Justin didn't hesitate before telling him to come on down.

Brian was already naked in bed when he received Justin's text message. He was just about to jerk off again for the third time since leaving Justin at the park. The day was, in lesbianic terms, magical. He spent it with his two favorite people and he couldn't have planned a more relaxing, enjoyable day even though it didn't include fucking. Plus, he had finally planned a Sunday afternoon date that was sure to make Justin happy as well as check something off the bucket list he had made when he thought he was dying.

Less than five minutes after getting Justin's invitation, Brian was outside his door and knocking gently. Justin answered the door in his underwear seeing no reason to cover up; he was actually surprised Brian wore more than the black silk robe that was hanging on the back of his bathroom door.

"Hey sexy" he smiled and kissed Justin on the nose as he walked in and shut the door behind him. "I'm glad you texted."

"Yeah me too, why aren't you out?" Justin asked, followed by a poorly suppressed yawn.

The truth was Brian still tired easily and Gus' visit had been exhausting but Justin didn't need to know that, "I was hoping I would get to see you. How was your dinner?"

"Fine" Justin answered and grabbed Brian's hand leading him to his bed indicating the chit-chat portion of the evening was over, "C'mon, I've had a long day."

Brian allowed Justin to slowly strip him of his sweats and t-shirt before settling him into the smaller queen size bed that was so surprisingly comfortable he sighed. Brian had never spent the night with another man, well except Michael who didn't exactly count, but as Justin cuddled into him Brian got the impression that was exactly what he was expected to do. Justin tilted his face up and kissed him. Brian moved his arm over Justin and pulled his body even closer, feeling his bare skin under the covers, caressing his back.

"Mmm" Justin sighed nuzzling his face into the curve of Brian's neck, "that feels nice." Brian was a bit unsure of what the invitation was for, he had expected sex, of course, but it felt like Justin was on a different page entirely. He closed his eyes figuring he would just let Justin make the moves so as to not risk blowing his one shot on Sunday to make the right impression. "Good night Justin" he whispered, kissing along his jawline.

Brian no sooner than shut his eyes than started lightly snoring. Justin was still semi-hard, having never really gone beyond light touching and kissing since Brian climbed into his bed. It was so different this time; they usually just went right at it. This time Brian seemed hesitant to get things too heated; too soon. Besides that, Brian looked beat, still gorgeous, but tired. He was apparently spending the night, which Justin thought might be a first for Brian. He wasn't about to wake him up, even if he did really want sex. He closed his eyes and placed gentle kisses over Brian's neck and Adams apple before falling asleep wrapped in Brian's arms.

The next morning, Brian woke to a mouth on his dick. It was a delightful way to wake up that he had truthfully never recalled experiencing. Mostly because he had never encouraged anyone to still be there in the morning but for those that did manage to stay, an unfortunate consequence of Brian's over-imbibing, sucking his dick after where it had been the night before was pretty unappealing. Brian smiled at the tenacity Justin brought to his chore, although based on the humming from his throat that sent delicious vibrations up Brian's spine, Justin might have been enjoying it even more than Brian if that was possible. A litany of obscenities ran through Brian's head but the most prevalent was fuck, fuck, fuck followed by that feels so good. Justin worked a saliva soaked finger against his rim, not penetrating, but teasing, as he swallowed him to the root with a mind-bending suction. The warmth and wetness, combined with some serious tongue gymnastics, formed a tsunami wave of pleasure that threaten to carry him into oblivion. Then just as Brian's eyes started to roll back, Justin pushed two fingers roughly inside him and Brian's ejaculation was more strenuous than a full body workout. His whole body convulsed as Justin continued fucking him with his fingers.

"Holy fucking, mother fuck, god almighty Christ fuck" The barrage of words escaping Brian's mouth seemed to bypass his brain altogether because Brian had never felt so out of control. The thought was there but only a miracle held the words safely inside his head. _God fuck me, fuck me now_.

Justin was rock hard, his cock had never been so engorged and his balls had never felt so heavy. He was determined to work Brian's prostate until the man came again, begged to be fucked, or ordered him to stop whichever came first. So he ignored the incoherent ramblings but Justin couldn't ignore his own body anymore. It needed to be touched; he needed to be touched, right fucking now. Brian was a writhing mess beneath him and he used his free hand to run a soothing touch over his abdomen instead of grabbing his own cock. "That's it baby, come for me again." He commanded, surprising himself with the authoritative tone and the liberties Brian was allowing him to take.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck" Brian chanted as he felt the second orgasm build and rise, and rise, and rise some more until it radiated through him, only he didn't explode at the end, he didn't ejaculate. It was like nothing he had ever felt before, totally sublime and the pleasure seemed to flow outward and inward all at once. "AhhhhhhhhhGodddddddFuckkkkkkk" Brian grunted and then his muscles relaxed and his mind felt like it was disconnected from reality.

"Holy fuck" Brian moaned lost in his own world until a familiar rhythmic slapping noise brought him down off of his cloud. He opened his eyes to see Justin kneeling on the bed between his legs, jerking himself off. It was perhaps the most beautiful sight he had ever witnessed. Justin remained solely focused on Brian's body and he held his hand still and thrust his hips forward, driving his cock into his fist as if he were ploughing into Brian's tight ass. He pulsed his hand imaging the tight muscle squeezing around him. He was so close.

Brian watched him mesmerized. His thoughts jutting back and forth between offering to help him finish and not wanting the show to end but before he could compel himself to help; Justin tossed his head back and moaned so fucking erotically that Brian knew it was too late.

"Come on me" Brian ordered, without thinking.

Justin opened his eyes, thinking perhaps he had imagined Brian's words, but seeing the eager look and slight nod for confirmation, Justin let go and shot ribbons of warm come all over Brian's chest and neck before falling forward on top of him with a grunt.

Brian instinctively wrapped his arms around Justin's quivering body, holding him through his recovery. Neither man looked at each other, both left dumbfounded from the intensity of the experience. Brian had experienced some amazing fucks before. He had come so hard he thought his balls would explode; he had fucked in practically every position known to the karma sutra and some he thought up on his own. He knew the thrill of scarfing, orgies, public sex, bondage, sadism, rimming, voyeurism, and exhibitionism. He had known the joys of road head and was a card carrying member of the mile high club. He had fucked sex professionals, both street hustlers and five thousand dollar-a-night escorts. He had even fucked a hermaphrodite in Thailand. He knew kink. He liked kink. So why, after all he had experienced and loved, was sex with a relatively inexperienced, young twink, in a comfortable warm, cushy bed, the absolute best fucking sex of his life? Why was holding Justin, who he had barely touched during, while covered in a sticky layer of the man's semen the hottest thing he could think of. Brian considered the possibilities and settled on either alien abduction, hallucinogenic drugs or even more frightening…..being in love… as the possible cause of his predicament. Then following one forceful exhale, he decided that, maybe, just maybe, that wasn't the worst thing in the world. It might even be one of the best fucking feelings in the world.


	12. Chapter 12

Justin stared at the ceiling for a good twenty minutes trying to reconcile in his own mind what was happening between him and Brian. He felt the weight of Brian's head pushing on his shoulder, his arm going dead under the weight of him snuggled up next to him as if it was the most natural thing in the world. With Eric, this would have been a completely organic moment but with Brian, Justin couldn't be sure. How could a man who so adamantly protested dating in any form have transformed himself so quickly for him to share willingly in such a perfect moment?

"Sunshine, I can hear you thinking. Do you want to talk about it?" Brian asked while moving enough to give Justin a rush of feeling back in his arm.

"I just, I was just thinking that this is really nice. You, in my bed, I mean. I was wondering if I should get used to it?" There, Justin thought, that was a non-threatening way to ask what the fuck was going on between them.

Brian smirked, that god-damn sexy smirk of his, and kissed Justin, but didn't answer right away. He rolled over to the other side of the table and checked his watch for the time. "Man, it's already eleven. What time is the wedding?"

"Not till five" Justin answered.

"Are you painting today?" Brian asked.

"I should" Justin admitted. "unless I get a better offer."

"Do you have time for lunch?" Brian asked. If he was going to have a real conversation with Justin and admit he wanted them to be together, he needed a full stomach and a shower.

Justin nodded and grabbed his underwear from the floor to head to the shower. Brian climbed out of his bed and started heading for the bathroom. "Um Brian, you may want to put on some underwear. I do have a roommate." Justin laughed, "And she is still capable of removing your balls."

Brian huffed a little but found his sweats on the floor and slipped them on. Justin may have a great bed but the shower arrangement left much to be desired. "Ball" he corrected after a brief pause.

"Excuse me?" Justin asked.

"She could only remove my ball, singular, I only have one to lose. I am really fond of it though, so she can't have it."

"But you have two…." Justin answered, completely confused, like he was missing a joke.

"I had testicular cancer a few years ago. The left one's artificial but no one's ever been able to tell." Brian shrugged as if he just announced he preferred Cheerios to Special K and not that he had a life threatening illness and was missing a body part.

Justin felt like an ass although he wasn't sure why exactly. He just knew that this had something to do with Brian kicking him out before. "Are you okay now?" Justin swallowed hard through the question. He couldn't imagine what he would do if the answer was no. "I mean is there a reason why you're telling me this?"

Brian walked up to Justin and wrapped his arms around him, pulling him close to his body. The look of worry on Justin face more than confirmed that whatever was building between them was mutual. "I'm fine now" he reassured him. "They say five years is the landmark year, where you really know you beat it, and the fifth anniversary of my diagnosis is coming up next February. I just felt like you should know."

Justin nodded, unsure of what else to say. "Let's go take a shower. I'm starving."

Brian climbed in first into the hot spray. Justin's shower was smaller but roomy enough for two. The shower stall was enclosed by tile on three sides and on the fourth was a small opening to walk in with the rest of the wall solid on the lower half, supporting a small bench seat, and opaque glass tiles on the top. Brian's mind worked over the possibilities of that bench but there wasn't time for that now. Justin's stomach was making demands, so they soaped up and moved through the routine with just some sensual touches and kisses. Brian even used Justin's store-brand shampoo without comment but made a mental note to buy him some of the good stuff so it would be on hand if he stayed over again. Justin stepped into the spray to rinse his hair, trying to focus on Brian, but his worry that Daphne was still not home distracted him.

"Hey, where'd you go?" Brian asked, wondering what caused Justin's pretty blue eyes to fill with concern. "I told you, I'm fine now. I didn't tell you so you can worry yourself into more wrinkles." He teased pressing a thumb lightly on the worry line on Justin's forehead.

Justin laughed and swatted his hand away, "Fuck you old man, I do not have wrinkles." He teased.

"Well something's got you distracted. Let me see if I can fix that." Then Brian did something else he had never done before, he dropped to his knees in a shower and began sucking Justin's beautiful cock.

Justin jumped a little at the surprise of seeing Brian sink to his knees before him. Fuck, that's a gorgeous sight, he thought as he watched his cock disappear into the warm cavity and felt the head bump the back of his throat.

Daphne slid the door open as slowly as possible but the door still squeaked. She wasn't sure why she was trying to be so quiet, she was here to talk to Justin anyways. When she heard the shower running, she felt her confidence bolster. It would be easier to say if he wasn't looking at her.

She knocked quietly and opened the door. She could see his figure in the shower but the tiles obstructed any clear view of his face so she wouldn't see his reaction. Justin gasped as she entered and motioned for Brian to keep sucking him. He prayed the water would stifle any noise. He hoped to get rid of her quickly but didn't want to scare her off before she told him what the hell was going on.

"What's going on Daph?" he managed to ask without moaning. Brian was taking a perverse delight in the unwilling audience and would probably be laughing if his mouth wasn't full of cock.

"Do I meddle too much?"

"Huh?" Justin asked, really not having enough blood left in his head to handle the conversation at hand.

"Do you hate that I get so involved in your love life? Just answer me. I won't get mad, I promise." She pushed.

"I think you love me and sometimes that love causes you to get a little over-involved in my love life." He answered as diplomatically as possible. _But your presence now makes you really over-involved._

"I do love you." She confirmed sincerely but in a voice so soft it was almost a whisper.

"I know, I love you too." Justin answered still having no idea what brought on this conversation and hoping that was the end of it.

"No, I think I'm in love with you." She admitted nervously.

Justin stared blankly at Brian for what seemed like forever, paralyzed in fear and uncertainty. Brian pulled off, knowing that this bit of raunchy fun was turning too serious for him to keep going. He stayed on his knees and kept quiet, mostly out respect for Justin. "Daphne, I don't know how to respond to that except to say that I'm flattered and we clearly need to talk but let me finish my shower first and process this, okay?" Justin admitted panic-stricken and feeling sick to his stomach. He had never imagined Daphne felt anything remotely close to what she was confessing and the fear of what this would do to his friendship with her was almost too much to consider. Plus, she would despise Brian for having heard her confess to a weakness such as being in love. It was a total invasion of her privacy although not really his fault. Why hadn't he just told her Brian was in there with him?

Daphne left the bathroom and thankfully went to her bedroom so Justin could usher Brian back to his own room undetected.

"I have to talk to her…" Justin started to explain before getting cut off by Brian.

"It's fine. Lindsay and I went through something similar. You'll be fine. It's just, um, you are gay right? Not bi, I mean, there's no chance…."

Justin laughed because Brian looked so cute trying not to look too worried and smiled reassuringly with placing a small kiss to his chin, "Brian, I'm gold-star gay. There is no chance."

Brian dressed quickly and left back to his place. Justin took a deep breath and knocked on Daphne's door. He plopped down on the other side of her bed and she took another disconcerting deep breath as if there was more honesty coming his way. "Did Eric tell you about our conversation after I left that night when we went out for Mexican?"

Justin shook his head back and forth unable to form a single coherent thought.

"He said something and I was so pissed. He accused me of being jealous of him because he was your lover and I never will be."

"Daph…that's ridiculous." Justin protested.

"I know, I thought so too only I went to Fiona's because I was so pissed. After she and I talked about it some more; I started thinking about things. Then last night, when you brought Eric to the dinner, I realized, I was jealous of him."

"Well maybe that's just normal, friend jealousy." Justin suggested.

"Then last night, I tried to have sex with Tom, Michelle's brother, and even he knew."

"Daphne, I don't understand what you're saying. You know I'm gay. You were the first person I told. You've never had a problem with it, so what's changed?"

"I'm sorry! I would never do anything to hurt you intentionally but I am jealous, well was, jealous of Eric because he knew you better than me and he got to share something with you that I don't. I thought that the jealousy was normal, just like having to share your best friend kind of way. But then you got interested in Brian and that scared me even more. I don't want you to be with Brian."

"Why? I still don't understand."

"It sounds crazy when I say it out loud and I don't want you to hate me."

"Daphne, I could never hate you. Brian is really complicated; I know you're just being protective of me."

"…but that's not what bothers me. Okay here goes…I knew you were gay since what thirteen, fourteen? Only you never did anything sexual so it wasn't very real to me. Then when you were with Eric; it was easier for me to think of you without the gay label. Not that Eric was a woman or even feminine but it's just there was always this thought in the back of my mind that it wasn't that different, topping a man and being with a woman, so I don't know, it was just a silly fantasy that one day there would be a moment where you wanted me, in that way, maybe that you were bi or something, I know it's totally ridiculous."

"Daphne, being gay is about who you're attracted to, it doesn't matter who you're having sex with or if you're having sex at all, it's the same reason gay men married to women are still gay. Sexual behavior is not the same as sexual orientation. I could have sex with you but I would still be gay, you know that right?"

I know that, just let me finish please. After you were with Brian and you were just so excited about being with him, letting him inside you and you just looked so love struck and there was just like sparks going off between you two, nothing like with Eric, and it hit me hard. I always knew you were gay but it just finally hit me that I could never make you happy like that. That it was never going to be more. After you told me that you didn't want anything long-term with him; I think I felt relieved."

Justin hugged Daphne who started to tear up a little. He had never seen his best friend quite so emotionally raw as she was at this minute.

"I always thought you were totally okay with me being gay. I don't understand how I didn't know you were feeling like this."

Daphne shook her head, "I'm not sure I'm making any sense, it doesn't really make any sense. It's just I'm jealous and I look at you and I want to kiss you and I don't know how to make that go away."

"Daphne, I don't know what to say. I love you too but you're right, I'm not ever going to be with you like that. You're my best friend and I don't want that to change but Brian is going to be a part of my life and if we are going to live together, you are going to have to be able to handle that. I don't want to hurt you but I think I might be falling for him. I can't give him up, please don't ask me to do that."

Daphne stared into Justin's eyes and imagined not being part of his life and him not being part of hers. It was unimaginable. "I wouldn't. I'm actually telling you because I think it's time for me to be honest with myself that my love life is a train wreck and I wanted you to know so I can start to get over obsessing about you and start to deal with my own shit, with your help of course."

"Anything" Justin insisted.

"Well first, can we get some lunch? I'm starving!"

Justin felt guilty, he had agreed to lunch with Brian but surely he would understand needing to help Daphne after what he overheard in the shower.

"What?" Daphne asked, detecting Justin's guilt.

"It's fine. I sort of made lunch plans with Brian but I can totally cancel them."

"No, don't do that. Call him and ask if you can bring your hag? I mean, if you like him that much, I should get to know him better, right?"

"Are you sure?"

Daphne smiled and nodded but was thinking this was the worst suggestion she had ever made. Damn Tom, damn him for being so practical and telling her she was going to lose Justin all together if she didn't start to deal with her feelings. Damn him for being right.

Brian was surprised by the invite but relieved to get one. Daphne was more like Lindsay than he had ever imagined which meant he would probably like her if he got to know her. At least she had good taste in men, he thought with a chuckle, as he opened the door to the Liberty Diner and all three of them turned to check out the same young busboy that had muscles to spare and an ass that rivaled Justin's in its voluptuousness.

Justin giggled as he slid next to Daphne in the leather booth, "You're still looking on the wrong team sweetie" he whispered and saw her blush.

"He could be bi?" she teased.

"Who him?" Brian asked. "Definitely not bi!" he answered, tongue in cheek, with a wink while still firm enough to prove he had clear and convincing evidence to the man's complete devotion to dick.

"Brian, do you know any straight men? Daphne's on the market." Justin asked, figuring the best way to get over him would be to get under someone else, preferably an open-minded, but straight, hunk.

"No set ups" She begged and shot Justin a warning glare.

"Well that cop you fucked to get me the ticket was pretty hot." Brian confessed feigning annoyance.

Daphne flinched, embarrassed by her poor reaction to his behavior when they first met. "Yeah, Brandon?" she guessed.

"Brayden" Justin corrected, "If I can remember his name and I didn't even fuck him, why can't you?"

"Because I did" came out of Daphne's mouth at the same time Brian answered, "Because she did" which sent all three of them into hysterics.

Justin just sighed and relaxed as he listened to the easy banter that Daphne and Brian fell into; it was strangely comfortable being their third wheel. There was no denying it, seeing them together up close; Brian and Daphne were really pretty alike. Their passion, their intellect, their wit all pretty much the same….it was as if he was dating the gay version of his best friend, which oddly felt perfect.

"Brian, do you have plans tonight?" Daphne asked as she finished her salad.

"Not really. You're going to your brother's wedding, right?"

"Yeah, I wonder if you want to go as my date?" Daphne asked confidently.

"What?" Justin and Brian asked at the same time.

"Yeah, it's perfect. We can all hang out together. I know Justin wants to spend more time with you and Eric won't care."

Brian looked to Justin for permission which he did not seem to be giving.

"Um, Daphne, that's going to be weird for Eric, I think" Justin confessed not really sure where Eric would fall on the matter, "I want you to go but I don't want Eric to be uncomfortable." He assured Brian, praying he would understand.

"Well call him and ask him" Daphne ordered with a nudge of her elbow, "This will be perfect, and I want to tell Michelle we're in a committed ménage. Her head will spin around."

"DAPHNE!" Justin yelled in shock. "You cannot torment the bride on her wedding day for fun and you can't keep company with a bunch of queers, you have to start coming to terms with the fact that you're not a gay man."

Brian laughed, thinking how much Debbie would appreciate Daphne as well, actually all of his family would love them both, if only they were around.

"Fine" she said, pouting. "No ménage, but still come anyway."

Justin texted Eric who confirmed he wouldn't care and Justin finally relented after Daphne promised legitimate time would be spent flirting with straight men. Brian even offered to help weed out any closet cases.

"What the hell have I gotten myself into?" Justin asked, feeling very apprehensive about being on a date to a straight wedding at a very uptight country club with his best friend who was in love with him, an ex he was still trying to be friends with and a man who he had fallen head over heels for. It was going to be an epically interesting night.

* * *

A/N: Thanks for the great response to this story. I am having so much fun with it. I hope we can all start rooting for Daphne now, poor girl, she's trying to do the right thing. Please keep the reviews coming, it does really help the chapters come faster.


	13. Chapter 13

Brian had been to Summerhaven Country Club exactly three times previous to attending Daniel Chander's wedding. All three times were to the golf course for work related schmoozing with people who had no idea he was gay. He came, he golfed, he ate lunch in the outdoor café area and he left as soon as he possibly could. He always imagined someday he might be required to dine formally inside the inner sanctuary of the church of Pittsburgh's suburban elite but he certainly never considered he would be here voluntarily, on a date…let alone with a woman. The humor of the situation was not lost on him, so he laughed to himself as Justin opened the door for him, Eric and Daphne but only Justin noticed and understood his amused expression.

To Justin, the evening had already gotten off to a weird start. Daphne hogged the bathroom so he was later than normal at getting ready and, despite what she thought, he didn't just tumble out of bed looking put together add to that the fact Brian was going to be there, and he needed to look better than ever. He had managed to borrow a nicer suit from Liam, who thankfully was about his size, and had a better sense of fashion. The suit wasn't a perfect fit but it was much closer than his interview suit and he felt better in it. He was going to need all the self-confidence he could muster to deal with his trio of companions, a crazed homophobic crowd and if things really went sideways, his parents, who he imagined the Chander's might have invited. His delay in the bathroom meant that Brian arrived before he and Eric had left so Eric and Brian were left unsupervised waiting for them to finish getting ready together. Although most people would fault him for complaining, it was truly a cringe-worthy uncomfortable moment leaving with Eric when it was clear all three wanted to be with him. Thankfully, Daphne had the foresight to suggest they all travel in one car.

Daphne was supposed to walk in and sit with her parents, and since Brian was a last-minute addition, he joined Eric and Justin for the ceremony. Justin was pretty stoic, his body language making it clear that he wasn't interested in holding hands or being touched at all. It only bothered Brian because he wasn't sure if it was out of respect for Eric, their environment, or just because he didn't want Brian to touch him. He hoped it wasn't the latter.

Prior to the ceremony, a number of familiar acquaintances that either knew him as Daphne's roommate or Jennifer and Craig Taylor's son approached Justin. Justin chatted easily, preferring to introduce Eric and Brian just by their first names only when it would seem rude not to introduce them at all. One guest made a comment about him and Eric making a "handsome couple" which Justin didn't correct the first time but he noticed Brian's smile fade considerably so the next time someone asked him when he and Eric were getting married, he politely told them that their relationship had ended and they were still friends.

It took all of Brian's self-control to not wrap his arms possessively around Justin and bark at the next person who approached that he was Justin's boyfriend. A label he never imagined being comfortable with, let alone yearning for someone else to use it while introducing him to strangers. Justin's eyes went wide and his mood went from stoic to brooding upon seeing his father with his new wife, Tricia, enter the hall. If Craig was there, his mother wasn't likely coming; she hated getting the "first wife pity stares" as she called them. His father started to approach him, he was certain only to maintain appearances, but a few steps from speaking distance the music changed signaling the start of the ceremony. Tricia and Craig took seats a few rows in front of them as the grandparents of the bride and groom, Daniel's parent and Michelle's mother were seated by dapper young men in tuxes serving as ushers.

"Ok?" Eric whispered to Justin to which he responded with a barely perceptible smile and nod. Eric leaned back in his chair so he was behind Justin's view and mouthed "his dad" to Brian so he would know what was going on. Brian nodded in acknowledgement, thankful that Justin's mood swing wasn't because of him but irritated that Eric was there and knew Justin so well. It was illogical and he knew it but still it crushed him a little to see Justin upset and to not know how to help. He placed a hand on Justin leg as a reassuring gesture and left it there unacknowledged throughout the ceremony.

Once the formality of the "I do's" were over, the guests were escorted into the reception area and waited for the family pictures to be taken. Seeing the Daphne was going to be occupied for a while and knowing that he for all practical purposes the third wheel, Eric made himself scarce at the bar chatting with one of his former student's parents who happened to be friends with Michelle. Justin sat at his assigned table with Brian and tried to force a smile while they had dinner and witnessed the traditional wedding dances and listened to the speeches. He debated on just saying hello to his father and getting it over with but part of him really just wanted his dad to make the first move.

"Hey, you all right?" Brian asked, growing a bit uncomfortable and bored with Justin's silent contemplation.

Justin looked into Brian's eyes and felt instantly guilty. Here Daphne had dragged Brian along and then basically handed him to Justin only instead of taking the opportunity to enjoy their time together, he was pouting like an immature child. "Grrr….I'm sorry. It's just seeing my dad puts me in a bad place. I've been a lousy date."

"True, but that's more because your actual date left so you could be alone with me."

Justin laughed with a real smile this time. "I hope it's not too weird for you, with Eric here. I'm glad you came but having my ex here is a bit distracting. I keep thinking you're going to start comparing notes on me."

Brian smiled sheepishly and nodded with a telling pause.

"Oh God" Justin huffed, "You were comparing notes?"

"Not exactly, but he did sort of giving me a few pointers when you blew me off." Brian admitted, "Nothing too personal, just a few do's and don'ts. Although…."

"…oh fuck, what did he say? I am so embarrassed."

"No, don't be. Let's say he gave you a strong recommendation."

"Huh? Like as a boyfriend?" Justin asked confused.

"Not exactly, more as a lover. Of course, I didn't need second-hand confirmation on that now did I?" Brian teased, leaning in and kissing Justin's nose.

"Ahemmm" Craig cleared his throat while hovering behind Justin and Brian, "Do you think that sort of thing is appropriate, Justin?" he hushed.

"It's not like we were fuc….." Brian began protesting only to have Justin respond over him, "It was just a kiss Dad."

"Well, don't you think your boyfriend will be upset? We don't need a dramatic scene ruining the wedding."

"Dad, Eric and I broke up not that he would cause a scene regardless. He's by the bar if you want to say hello."

"You broke up? Does that mean you've finally come to your senses?"

"Yes, he has. Now he's dating a much hotter man." Brian interrupted with a spiteful tone. "Brian Kinney, Justin's new lover, pleasure to meet you Mr. Taylor."

"Wha, huh, um, well" Craig stumbled looking at his son for some sign this older man was joking, "You can't be serious?"

Justin smirked at Brian's use of the word lover, knowing it was going to make his dad all kinds of uncomfortable, "Dad, this is my, um, this is Brian. Brian, my dad, Craig Taylor."

"Justin, do you really think he's age appropriate for you?" Craig asked as his new wife approached from behind.

"Brian, Brian Kinney?" Tricia gushed. "What a small world running into you here. Honey, have you met Brian, we went to college together."

Justin looked at Brian and burst into laughter. He had never seen his father so mortified. It turns out Tricia was just a year older than Brian and his dad's "age appropriate" comment revealed just how hypocritical his father was something he always seemed to forget when longing for his approval. The timing couldn't have been more perfect and it lifted his entire mood considerably.

"Justin, do you want to dance?" Brian asked, wishing Craig and Tricia a pleasant evening.

Justin was still giggling when Brian wrapped him in his arms and escorted him to the dance floor as Eric Clapton's The Way You Look Tonight began to play. They swayed to the music, keeping a respectable distance and chatted softly. "By the way, you do look amazing in that suit" Justin whispered.

Brian pulled back so he could look at Justin's face and smiled, "Thanks. You look stunning as well. Daphne would be proud, you're outshining the bride."

The song ended and Brian took Justin's hand to lead them back towards the table. "Do you want to get out of here?" Justin asked, pulling backwards on his hand to slow their movement.

"Sure, but what about Daphne and Eric?" Brian reminded him for God knows what reason, oh yeah, they came in one car.

Justin hunted around for Daphne finding her dancing with Tom. He winked at her and she winked back which met she was fine and he was free to leave. Then he sought out Eric. "Give me a minute."

Brian nodded and Justin went off to find Eric who was still drinking at the bar. "Eric, hey, there you are."

"Hey Jussy" he slurred, his eyes half-lidded and his balance slightly off.

Oh God, Jussy meant Eric was already too drunk to drive. Eric only called him that when he was hammered. "Hey there. Feeling pretty good are we?"

"I leave you two alone so I drink by myself you go be fine" Eric muttered in one breath.

"Fuck" Justin sighed, "Let's get you home, okay? Where are your keys?"

"Inmypocket" he winked, well sort of wink since his eyelids were feeling pretty heavy and uncooperative, it was probably more of a blink with a knowing smile. "you gonna dig him out? Iwannahave a piececake". With that Eric picked up a knife from over the bar and started shuffling precariously close to the still unsliced cake.

"Oh God" Justin sighed, "Daniel is going to kill me if I don't get you out of here". He caught up with Eric in two steps and redirected him back over to Brian, "C'mon buddy, Brian and I will get you some cake on the way home."

Eric stopped walking and looked at Justin like he had something important to say, "Jussy, you really like him don't you, better than me?"

"Eric, we can't talk here. Let's just get you home, okay?"

Justin walked Eric over towards Brian who looked concerned more than mad at the state of him. "I don't know where his keys are. Can you check his pockets while I hold him up?"

"I think maybe we should get him out of the ballroom, Michelle is watching." Brian suggested gesturing to a very unhappy looking bride.

"There's a room upstairs, it should be empty this time a night. Help me get him to the elevator."

Brian and Justin walked a very inebriated Eric out of the view of the bride and into the elevator. "So how do you know this place will be empty?"

"I use to come here all the time as a teen. Daphne and I explored every possible way to avoid cotillion classes. My dad always thought we were sneaking off to make out so he never said anything to my mom. I think it helped him believe I was straight a little longer. By the way, thanks for what you said to my dad earlier. I'm pretty sure he's going to have nightmares imagining all the gay sex I'm having with my new, older lover."

"Goddamnyou'rehot" Eric mumbled in one breath while running his hand over Brian's chest. Brian arched an eyebrow at Jusitn, unsure if it would bother him but he shrugged it off.

"I've never seen him this bad" Justin explained, laughing. Brian briefly entertained a threesome that included Eric but by the time the elevator opened, Eric was practically asleep against Brian's chest.

"C'mon Eric. Let's let you lie down." Justin led the way to the lifeguard staff break room that he knew would be empty this late at night. It had some couches in it and he figured Eric could sleep it off a bit and then they would take him home.

"Is he always like this when he drinks?" Brian laughed, heaving Eric's upper body onto the couch while Justin lifted his legs up, trying not to wake him. They both sank down to the floor in front of the couch.

"He's a bit of a lush when he drinks but I guess we always just fucked so, you know, it was like foreplay. Although now, I think he might want you more than me." Justin sighed in mock exasperation, "Sorry about all this. I feel like this night was kind of a disaster."

"I got to spend it with you, so not a total loss"

Justin smiled nervously now fully aware of how close Brian was sitting to him. His knee's drawn up, with one brushing against his own. If it wasn't for Eric's loud snoring, it would have been romantic.

"Will you please kiss me already?" Justin asked sweetly.

Brian smiled, "for the record, you never have to ask that" he leaned over and brushed their lips together, teasing at first, hovering just a fraction of an inch from full contact until Justin pushed into him and their tongues became reacquainted.

"God" Justin whispered breathlessly as they finally pulled away for air, "you are really fucking good at that."

"Thanks" Brian smiled, running his thumb over Justin's swollen lips and down over his Adam's apple. "I've been wanting to do that all night."

"Why didn't you?" Justin sighed disappointed.

Brian stared a little, a look of longing built over the evening radiating from his hazel eyes. "I wasn't sure you wanted me to, I wasn't sure how you felt about PDA in front of a room full of hetero's including your father."

"Yeah, I guess I am not entirely comfortable here. This place, I was so tormented in this place. I hate being here."

"Tormented?" Brian questioned, imagining the worse.

"Just the usual, called names, bullied, tripped, pushed. All the kids who I went to school with hung out here in the summer. I never wanted to be here but my dad, he would golf and my mom would, well lunch, and they made me come to keep an eye on my sister."

Brian nodded sympathetically. "Yeah, Mikey was always putting up with that kind of shit."

"But not you?" Justin questioned.

"No, I wasn't out in high school and playing soccer kept me mostly out of the crosshairs of the assholes."

Justin nodded, "So no boyfriends then either? Did you and Mikey ever…"

"No, just some innocent exploration. Mikey's like a brother to me, he would have liked more at one time but it was never more for me." Brian explained, with some fondness for his memories of him and Mikey's ill-spent youth, "He's happy now. Ben is perfect for him."

"Do you think he will move back now that Pennsylvania has marriage equality?"

Brian shook his head. The truth was, his best friend was really happy in Canada and without Deb here, he didn't see any reason for him to return. The kids were thriving; they had Linds and Mel nearby, why would he?

Justin was happy to have a real conversation with Brian again but he was starting to worry that his weighty mood was contagious as Brian became a bit too contemplative. Justin stood up and walked over to the CD player sitting on the table thinking that music might lift their spirits and get the evening back on track. Seeing nothing to his taste he pressed play on the CD player only to hear Michael Buble's Save the Last Dance for Me. It was a bit cheesy but it seemed to have the desired effect as Brian came up from behind him and wrapped him up in his arms and kissed his neck. The spot he chose to kiss caused the hairs on the back of his neck to stand up and goosebumps to cover his arms.

"Dance with me" Brian whispered and pulled Justin away from the radio. Alone they could dance like he wanted to, without inhibitions, without judgmental eyes. Justin melted into him and it felt wonderful. Brian had much stronger ballroom skills that Justin anticipated and he quickly adapted to his lead. Their suits were restrictive and Justin removed Brian's jacket and tossed it on the couch and then let Brian remove his. When the song ended, Justin barely noticed, he was still staring into Brian's eyes, held captivated. Brian stopped moving and kissed Justin, trying to capture the perfection of the moment they were living in. Their lips barely grazed before Brian felt consumed with need. He needed more of Justin. He needed all of him. The heat between them spread quickly south and before either of them was cognizant of where they were or what was happening, clothes were being hastily removed. After shedding Justin of his pants and shirt, Brian loosened his tie and started to remove his pants but was unable to finish the job before he felt Justin push him back into the chair.

"Condom" Justin barked, barely able to contain his anticipation to feel Brian inside him as he straddled his lap, resting his ass on Brian's knees. The need between them was palpable.

Brian held Justin around the waist and leaned over to grab his wallet off the floor. Leaning into Justin pushed his erection against Brian and Justin groaned lightly. Brian felt the smear of fluid leaking from Justin spread across his navel. Justin ripped the condom from his hand so abruptly that Brian leaned back and watched Justin take control. Justin rolled the condom over his cock and walked his knees up the side of Brian's thighs so he could position them. Brian mentally willed himself to let Justin work him inside; a process he expected would proceed slowly given that they weren't using extra lube, but Justin clearly had other plans as he sank down on to him.

"Fuck" Brian cried loudly, unprepared for the immediate satisfaction of heat and pressure around his cock.

"Shhh" Justin whispered into his ear, with a wide smile, while raising up and slamming down on him repeatedly, "Eric" he panted.

Brian's brain took a moment to realize that Justin was alluding to a sleeping Eric nearby and not calling him Eric. Once the realization came into focus and he noticed the look of mischievousness on Justin's face, he couldn't help but smile in relief and enjoy all that was happening. This was their first foray into semi-public sex and although Eric was out cold, he couldn't help but wonder if Justin's fucking him was excising some demons from his past connection to Summerhaven.

Brian grunted and stifled his noises the best he could but Justin rode him roughly and the constant grinding into him was building his climax too quickly. A low, long moan ripped from his throat and he pulled Justin close to him with one arm and moved his fist over Justin's pulsing organ with the other. He pumped up into him as he grasped his cock firmly with his hand until he felt Justin convulse, coating his hand with come and collapse onto his chest.

They lay there, recovering, until a light gasp captured their attention and two sets of eyes stared directly at Eric, who was powerless to hide his straining erection. "I'm sorry" Eric cringed, knowing he was caught and still drunk enough to not try to hide it, "I swear I didn't want to watch but that was the hottest thing I've ever seen."

"Fuck Eric!" Justin exclaimed as he began frantically getting up and covering himself with whatever clothes he could. A louder gasp came from the doorway where Daphne now stood, mouth gaping, looking at the scene like she was a traumatized witness to a car accident.

Brian pulled on his pants, moving with a lack of urgency that showed he was not at all concerned at being caught. He was certainly no stranger to being watched while he fucked but Justin's panic was a bit unsettling, he hoped it wouldn't set them back from exploring other places to fuck outside the bedroom.

Justin paced back and forth, wringing his hands in nervous tension, muttering "Oh my God, Oh my God" repeatedly.

"Justin" Brian grabbed his shoulder, "Calm down, it's no big deal."

"Yeah Justin" Eric giggled, trying to ease the tension, "It's not like I have never seen you naked or fucking." Eric laughed louder at his own joke but stopped suddenly seeing Brian's dirty look.

Justin finally stopped pacing and met Daphne's intense look, her eyes were filling with tears and before she could say anything, he was apologizing. It was surreal, him knowing exactly what the look was about and the hurt he had inflicted. He had never hurt her before, not like this.

"Daphne, I'm sorry" he said, pleading for forgiveness with his voice. "I didn't mean for you to see that."

Daphne shook her head back and forth and yet said nothing, prolonging Justin's agony. "Enough" Eric shouted tossing his keys to Brian, "Justin stop apologizing. Brian, take Justin home. Daphne and I are going to have a talk."

Justin and Brian both turned toward Eric in shock. Justin had never heard Eric speak so forcefully, even though he was clearly under the influence. He couldn't leave Daphne the way she looked. Justin started to protest but Eric wouldn't hear of it. "Justin, trust me, I'll take care of her. Go with Brian. I'll get us a cab when she's ready to leave."

"Are you sure?" Justin asked, directly his question to Daphne, more than Eric.

Daphne just nodded, knowing she couldn't talk to Justin anyways, not after what she witnessed. She couldn't formulate the words.

"Okay" Justin sighed, "I'll be at home." He kissed her cheek and picked up his jacket, following Brian out the door.

When they were alone Eric looked at Daphne, "Sit down" he commanded and she obeyed with a snarl. "How long have you known Justin?"

"Since we were five" she answered defiantly, "the first day of Kindergarten."

"And you love him?" Eric confirmed, already knowing the answer.

"Yes" Daphne whispered.

"I do too…" Eric smiled, he liked seeing Daphne vulnerable because he felt like it finally gave them common ground. "…and he loves us both and that's why."

"Why what?" Daphne asked confused and annoyed.

"That's why we know. That's why we both know Justin has never been as happy as he is with Brian. That's why we know that if Justin thinks he's hurting either of us, he won't let himself just be happy. And that why we are both going to let him go...because we love him and because Brian is his soulmate".

"But…" Daphne protested.

"No buts Daphne" Eric argued, "It has to be this way. As far as Justin knows, you are over it and him. You can stay with me tonight or wherever, but you don't go home. You tell him you met a great straight guy, like that one you were dancing with, and as far as he knows you are nothing but happy for him."

Daphne opened her mouth and closed it. She was surprised to find Justin naked and in such a compromising position but as she thought about the look between them and the way Brian held him, she knew Eric was right. "Okay" her voice quivered, "You're right. It has to be this way."


	14. Chapter 14

Brian closed his eyes but flashes of Justin's tear stained cheeks danced behind his eyelids and sleep remained elusive. As he held Justin in his arms and let the man softly cry, he knew without a doubt. He said no sarcastic words, there were no uncomfortable moments, and he hadn't even conjured up any strategies to manipulate him into bed. He just held him with a deep desire to provide whatever comfort his arms offered. Thirty-five fucking years of denying loves existence only to be proven wrong by one, perfect smile. Mikey was going to have a conniption when he told him, if he got a chance to tell him. He wasn't so sure there would be.

Justin lay on his side, snuggled up against Brian on his couch. His mind kept continuously reworking both the look of horror on Daphne's face and the one of love on Eric's. There was no denying it, being with Brian was causing the two closest people in his life pain. Only instead of being considerate of their feelings, he had been a selfish asshole. So selfish, that even after what he had done, he didn't think he could give Brian up. It was an unbearable decision, like asking a parent to choose which child they would save if they could only pick one. Daphne was with him through every dark moment of his life. She was his rock, his best friend; he didn't know what he would do without her and he didn't know how to fix it.

"Hey, ssshhh" Brian whispered, calmly rubbing his back. "It's okay" he repeated wishing he had been able to convince Justin to go to his bed. It was late and Justin kept drifting off, then snapping back awake when Brian would shift even slightly under him. Brian couldn't help relish the time spent on this ugly, lumpy couch that Justin said had been with him and Daphne from their first place, holding the man he loved. After all, it was this couch that brought Justin to him even if it was in a roundabout rom-com sort of way. Unfortunately, Brian grew uncomfortable trying to stay still long enough so Justin could get into a deep sleep and he knew they couldn't spend the night like this, not on this couch.

"Are you sure you don't want to go to your bed?" Brian asked again.

Justin shook his head, "I need to be here when she comes home."

Brian just nodded, he debated telling Justin about his similar friend-crush issues with Lindsay but he suspected this was different enough to not be helpful. Lindsay may have had a fantasy or two that included being with Brian but she had Melanie, she wanted Melanie. It wasn't the same; what Daphne felt for Justin was more intense, and there was more on the line.

"Do you want me to go?" he asked.

Justin met Brian's eyes with a pained look that gave him his answer.

"I'll go" Brian sighed, sitting up on the couch as Justin moved his arm off his chest.

"I'm sorry" Justin responded, "I need to talk to her and it will be better alone."

"I understand" he nodded, walking to the door, not even bothering with his shoes. "Are you still up for our date tomorrow?" Brian tried to ask casually but the thought of Justin walking away from him, from what was building between them, was giving him palpitations.

"Of course, I'm looking forward to it." He smiled reassuringly. "Brian, I'm really sorry. I wish this wasn't happening."

"Don't apologize. I understand." _You haven't hurt me; at least not yet._ "So I'll see you tomorrow?"

Justin nodded and walked him towards the door. He wrapped his arms around his waist and kissed his jaw. "Tomorrow" he confirmed.

Justin lay back down on the couch and fought the urge to sleep waiting for Daphne. By four am, he knew she wasn't coming home and he dozed off and on restlessly, still on the couch.

It was almost seven by the time Daphne entered her apartment, carrying her dress and shoes from the wedding and wearing a pair of men's basketball shorts and a Nike t-shirt. Her hair was bushy, having undergone none of her usual taming ritual or showered since the removal of her up-do she wore to the wedding. She was, in short, a hot mess. Justin stirred at hearing the door open and wiped his eyes to encourage them to open more fully.

"Hey" she greeted him with a smile, "why are you on the couch?"

"I fell asleep waiting on you. Are you okay?"

"Yes, I'm fine" She laughed hoping her true emotions were safely tucked away, "I, um, didn't get much sleep so I'm going to go back to bed."

"Daphne" Justin pleaded, "Don't you think we should talk this out?"

"Jus, you act like I've never had a sleepover before. What's the big deal?"

Justin wasn't buying her clueless act, "you know that's not what I meant. Besides sleeping at Eric's is not what I would call a sleepover"

"I went home with Tom, Michelle's brother. He's nice and I really need to get to sleep because we are going out tonight." She boasted matter of fact, like this was a normal thing for her to announce.

"You" Justin paused to try and process the information, "You are going on a date"

"Yes, silly. I am going on a date. I told you I needed to get a social life."

"So, you're fine, with me and Brian, with last night. You looked pretty upset."

Daphne forced a dismissive laugh as genuine as she could. _God this is never going to work_. "Well I was a bit shocked seeing you and Brian together and I can't even tell you how pissed I would be if my family found out you were fucking someone at Daniel's reception, but I was just coming to tell you I was going home with Tom anyways…."

Justin's worry lines disappeared as a smile spread across his face. Fuck, Daphne thought, I should be an actress. She moved towards him and gave him a brief hug, "I guess some of us just know how to control ourselves in public better than others." She teased hoping it would seal the deal convincing Justin she was fine.

Daphne proceeded to her room and closed the door, sinking to the floor while leaning against it. She hadn't lied, she did go home with Tom and she did have a date, a real date, with him tonight. Only they hadn't had sex. He wouldn't until she was over her feelings for Justin but he made a strong case for unrequited love paling in comparison to the feeling you get when you're loved back. Daphne wanted to know if he was right. Tom had such an artist-bohemian spirit; he read poetry, he talked about things that deeply mattered to him with passion, but he was also just fun and Daphne found that she liked being with him and that she was attracted to him. She even managed to stop obsessing about Justin for most of the night. "Fake it till you make it" were Eric's last parting words to her last night. Maybe there was something to it.

Justin crawled into his own bed and pulled the pillow from the other side under his face. It smelled like Brian and he breathed it in deep. Daphne had never purposely lied to him before but he knew what she was up to just as he knew what Eric was up to as soon as he got plastered at the wedding. They were both going to go out of their way to pretend they were fine with him and Brian, only he didn't know if pretending he was buying it was the right thing to do. Did he want to be the type of friend that put his needs, his wants, in front of his friends' feelings? Eventually the truth would come out and he might lose all of them.

Justin gave up trying to really sleep and turned on some music in the kitchen while fixing some food before he left to go paint. The Bleacher's song, I want to Get Better, was on and he laughed recalling how he and Daphne had danced around the first time they had heard it because of its upbeat pop-rock feel and anthem worthy lyrics before they realized the lyrics were pretty dark and the song wasn't as joyous as the music made you think it was. He knew Daphne was trying to sleep but the song just begged to be blasted, so he turned it up and waited.

Daphne heard the song and started laughing while lying in bed. Justin knew her too well. She got up and joined him in the kitchen wearing an oversized t-shirt and big fluffy purple slippers and he grabbed her hands and they bounced around screaming the lyrics, "I didn't know I was lonely until I saw your face" and by the time they got to "That's why I'm standing on the overpass screaming at myself, Hey, I wanna get better!" they were pumping alternating fists into the air and laughing so hard they couldn't breathe. When the song was over, she gave him a real hug and he kept her in his arms until he was ready to let her go despite her numerous attempts to pull away, which caused her to start giggling.

"Now, are you really okay with what happened?" he asked her cupping his hands on her cheeks, sensing she was ready for the real answer.

"No, but I'm going to be." She responded sincerely and turned to get back to bed letting her fingers slide past his arm until only their fingertips touched before she thought of what the old her would say in the same situation, "By the way, Brian's really hung. We should all be so lucky."

"Daphne!" Justin faked a gasp of shock, fanning himself with his hand.

She laughed before going back to her bedroom and closing the door. _Fake it till you make it, my ass, Eric. She could never fake things with Justin._

Justin cleaned up his mess and headed out to his studio, making a quick detour to Eric's. He was feeling pretty empowered by his morning with Daphne and was hoping for a similar response from Eric. Only when he knocked a really hot, half-dressed, guy answered the door and informed him Eric was still in the shower. So he saved his conversation with Eric for another time and turned away, shaking his head and making a mental note to start calling before coming over.

Brian woke up making quick preparation of his loft. Since he had a regular cleaning lady twice a week, he only needed to change his sheets, tidy up his bathroom and made a quick clean out of spoiled leftovers from his fridge. He checked his supply of condoms and lube before heading out for his Sunday routine; grabbing the paper and eating some breakfast at the diner before heading to work. He found he was too nervous to really work on anything, so he confirmed his date plans and made a few calls when he knew people wouldn't be available. By three, he was headed home to get ready.

Justin blasted the music in his studio so loudly he missed his alarm beeping on his phone. He was in a zone and the canvas he started at the onslaught of his heartbreak over Brian was turning into a much livelier piece. It was an abstract and the cool orange and blue tones melted the intensity of the harsher charcoal grey. It was really starting to come together; Justin loved it and he planned to give it to Brian once it was done. He glanced at his phone and noticed it was almost quarter till four. Fuck! Brian was supposed to pick him up at four.

At four on the dot, Brian slipped on his shoes and walked down the stairs with the supplies he had readied. He wore dark wash jeans and a black v-neck t-shirt, casual but confident he looked good. His hair was cooperating in the humidity, he had sprayed a light spritz of his best cologne and his body was impeccably groomed. He had shaved his face and chest, plucked the five gray hairs he found and few stray eyebrow hairs and neatly trimmed his other hair. He knocked on Justin's door and found it slightly open so he entered, hearing only obscenities coming from Justin's room. The vulgar words making no sense until he arrived at Justin's doorway; seeing him in underwear tearing through the items in his sparse closet, cursing his lack of paint-free options.

"Hi" Brian laughed at the flustered scene, "the door was open so I let myself in."

"Thank God" Justin smiled seeing Brian's casual attire and grabbing his nicest jeans and a red shirt from the pile he discarded as too casual. "I realized I didn't know where we were going so I wasn't sure how to dress. Sorry I am running a bit behind. Do you want some wine why you wait? There's a bottle on the counter. I hope we are eating early because I didn't have a chance to eat lunch."

Brian grabbed Justin as he tried to slide by him and snaked his arm around Justin's waist to slow his rush. He pulled him in for a little kiss. "Calm down. We have time." Brian said. He didn't want to start their evening with Justin anxious and flustered.

Justin deepened their kiss and pushed for more. "Not that much time" Brian smiled. "Later. Now get dressed, I can't be responsible for my actions with your ass exposed."

Justin laughed and wiggled his backside for Brian's benefit but finished dressing quickly while Brian opened the wine. By the time he joined him in the kitchen; it was getting dangerously close to time to go.

Brian was being elusive to their destination but told him to bring a light jacket so he assumed it was outside. The destination became clear as they pulled into a line of cars waiting for entry into a large outdoor concert area near the park they had come with Gus.

"What's going on" Justin asked, "Who's playing?"

"Pittsburgh Symphony Orchestra is doing an outdoor concert. Have you ever been?"

Justin laughed, "Only to a few recitals while in school. There was this one violin student, Ian or Ethan, something like that, who was constantly coming on to me when I was with Eric. He was so obnoxiously full of himself that I sort of avoided symphony events because I knew he would be there. I do love classical music though."

"I know" Brian smiled, "Eric told me."

Brian parked the car and pulled the picnic he had actually made with his own two hands, wine, and a blanket from the back of his car. Justin grabbed the picnic basket so one of Brian's hands were free and they walked hand and hand to the large field that sloped down towards a stage. The concert was open seating but there was a reserved area that Brian had taken advantage of a few connections to get a spot in. It was closest to the stage and to the spot where they would launch the sunset hot air balloon trip he had reserved for them after the concert. It was perhaps over the top in the romantic department but it was on his bucket list and when he saw it was offered after the concert, he jumped at the chance, hoping it would impress Justin as well.

"Oh my, how beautiful" Justin gasped at seeing the field of colorful balloons lined up behind the hill where concert goers crowded. He didn't ask if they were going on one because he didn't want Brian to think the concert wasn't enough.

Brian stared into Justin's eyes as they spread-out the blanket, "My thoughts exactly" he smiled flirtatiously. "Do you want to eat now? I know you were hungry."

Justin nodded, "Please. What are we having?"

"I made gazpacho. It's a cold soup, have you had it? There's also fresh fruit, cheese and crackers, and cucumber with feta for snacks. I made this shrimp dish for the main course."

"Wow, you made all this. It looks wonderful. I didn't think you cooked." Justin teased making a cheese and cracker for Brian and then one for him.

Brian stuck his tongue out and bit the inside of his cheek, "Just because I don't cook doesn't mean I can't. I learned after all my friends and Debbie moved away, eating alone kind of sucks but eating out every meal is very bad for the waistline."

Justin grabbed two plates from the picnic basket and made up a plate for each of them. He was very surprised, he had assumed Brian was taking him to a club which would have been fine but this was better than fine. He loved this. It was perfect because it was romantic and fun but relaxing, all ideal date conditions. They ate and talked, waiting for the concert to start. Justin told him about his pseudo-talk with Daph and Eric's hot man. Brian didn't tell Justin but that particular detail wasn't a surprise to him. He had texted Eric when he sent his best driver to pick him up from the wedding. This particular driver, Roberto, always made sure to come when expected and never disappointed in his customer service.

Brian shared more insights about his own life in particular his relationship with Debbie and he made an offer to take Justin to Florida so they could meet sometime.

"You want me to meet your mom?" Justin asked, touched by the offer.

"Well not my real mom, no one wants to meet her, but Debbie, sure. She will love you."

"I would love to meet her." Justin gushed, his voice up an octave too high.

Brian teased him and kissed him again just as the orchestra took the stage. The concert was amazing, the music romantic and Justin settled against Brian's body while they listened. Brian wrapped his arms around Justin's chest and leaned in every once in a while to steal a kiss or nuzzle his neck. Justin would turn and meet his lips and give him his million-watt smile. They date was going so fucking perfect, then right before sunset their balloon pilot approached them and told them all was ready and he would meet them by the yellow and red balloon.

Just when Brian didn't think Justin could smile any bigger he practically leapt up and pulled Brian up and into his arms unable to remove or temper his huge grin. "This is so fucking perfect." Justin cooed, "I always wanted to go on one before. Thank you!"

Brian nodded and pulled his wrist back when he started to move towards the balloon. "Before we go up there, I want to ask you something." Brian smiled sheepishly like he was embarrassed which Justin found adorable. "I would, um, ask you up there but we will have company."

"Okay, what is it?" Justin asked feeling like he was melting into his love-puddle of gooeyness again.

"Well, at the wedding, you never said it but when I take you to meet Debbie, I would like to call you my boyfriend. So I guess I want to make sure you are okay with that."

Justin smiled and kissed Brian, "Yeah, I think that I'm really okay with that," he answered as he took his hand and walked over to the balloon.

The trip was amazing and you could see a million colors as the sun set. Justin kept trying to take mental notes of the colors to include in his latest piece. Brian watched amused before finally asked him if he wanted his camera. Justin accepted enthusiastically not sure why he hadn't thought to use the one on his phone but grateful Brian had a much nicer camera in his bag.

"I thought you might need this." Brian smiled as he offered the camera. Another win from Eric's tutorial was Justin's mental picture taking. Brian wondered why Eric never thought to offer a real camera but he was glad to have thought that one up on his own.

Justin took a few pictures and even managed some selfies of the both of them. "This was so amazing" he praised Brian's entire date plan to an embarrassing degree.

"I hope I didn't set the bar too high" Brian smirked and clarified seeing Justin's confused look, "You know, since now it will be your turn to impress me."

Justin play slapped at his shoulder, "How about I impress you in other ways?" he asked, meaning his artwork but knowing Brian would take it as innuendo just the same. It surprised him when Brian didn't seem to be that concerned by his comment and he took that as a positive sign.

They drove home in easy comfort and Brian asked Justin if he wanted to stay the night before they even left the jeep. Justin was elated that he was asked early enough so he could grab some things to make him more comfortable and clothes for work tomorrow so he could get ready at Brian's. It was very convenient living one floor away but he liked the idea of showering with him in the morning and riding to work with him like a real couple would.

They settled into Brian's bed with shirts off and jeans unbuttoned kissing softly. "Today might have been my most perfect date ever." Justin admitted, running a hand over Brian's smooth chest.

"That's good to know, since it was my first time planning one."

Justin couldn't help but chuckle at that fact, "and I'm your first boyfriend."

Brian nodded, "yep" he confirmed.

"So that word typically implies some things" Justin remarked.

"I know" Brian said elusively.

"Well" Justin prompted.

"Well what?"

"Well does that mean we are committed to each other?"

"Yes"

"Does it mean that I can come over whenever I want?"

"Yes"

"Does it mean that I won't find other men here when I come over?"

Brian paused although he knew the answer, this pause was just to briefly mourn his own past, "Yes" he finally responded.

Justin smiled relief and thought maybe he would push his luck, "Does it mean I get to fuck you?"

Brian rolled on his side and slid his hand down into Justin's pants, feeling his cock as if he was inspecting the organ's worthiness to be inside his body. Justin's cock grew harder in his hand and he felt what he had before, the urge to have it inside him. "Yes" he whispered seductively into his ear while moving his hand up and down the shaft.

It was all the encouragement Justin needed to take charge. He pushed his jeans down over his hips and kicked them off, never moving too much that Brian had to stop what he was doing.

"Flip around, I want to suck you while you do that" Justin ordered, wasting no time in removing Brian from his jeans as well. Brian did as asked and gave his hand job more enthusiastically feeling Justin's mouth on him. While Justin worked his cock with his mouth, he also started fingering him, working him open for what was to come. Brian placed the lube near Justin's reach and felt the cold tingle on his puckered hole for the first time in a long time. He was breathless with anticipation. Justin fingered him and sucked him deep into his mouth until he exploded, shooting ribbons down the back of Justin's throat which vibrated as he moaned. Once Brian had finished, Justin turned around and motioned for him to roll over, climbing up his back to align their bodies. Brian was nice and open so he placed a condom and thrust forward slowly applying the requisite pressure until he felt his cock breach the first rim. He gave Brian only a few inches before pulling back and nudging forward, testing, teasing. Brian grunted and pushed against him, hoping to get his point across with his movement and his noises. He was no virgin and he wanted it all. He needed it all.

Justin noticed and his nostrils flared in excitement. He felt Brian arch his back, giving him a deeper angle so he seated his entire length in Brian in one fast thrust, earning him a startled gasp. He stayed there and let him adjust, breathing warm ear on the back of Brian's neck. Brian turned his neck, the position allowing only a quick kiss but long enough for Justin to see the lusty haze in Brian's hazel eyes. He could see the warring in Brian's expression between lust and hesitation. Justin pulled back so far he thought he might come out before shoving back into Brian in a way that highlighted his length, which was considerable for a man his size although not as big as Brian. The move sent shockwaves through Brian's body as the head of Justin's cock hit his prostate, then he did it again and mother of God, did he just feel good. Brian felt himself climb higher with each thrust before he came again, hard and fast and slightly disorienting in its strength. Justin didn't relent and he fucked him through his orgasm and for ten additional strokes before roaring through his own release. He stayed there, breath panting on the back of Brian's shoulder, waiting for the aftershocks to subside. Brian's heart beat so hard he thought it might rip right through his chest, exposing its existence for the first time to another soul and then he realized, for as vulnerable as he now was with Justin, he might as well just let it.


	15. Chapter 15

Six months into being Brian's boyfriend and Justin found himself at the Pittsburgh airport awaiting a flight to Tampa to meet Brian's family three days before Thanksgiving. All was going well, although, the initial honeymoon phase was starting to wane a bit. Justin wasn't that surprised to learn Brian was moody. Even though he had recently concluded his man processed an almost pathological need to evade and quip his way through real emotionally charged moments. He also liked to pretend he was a callous asshole on occasion but the façade never lasted long, at least not with him. The real Brian always reappeared eventually and Justin stopped getting mad and started giving as good as he was getting when Brian worked himself into one of his I don't need anybody moods. This morning was no exception and they had been sniping at each other most of the day.

Brian left Justin to grab a Starbucks figuring the empty calories could be worked off when he indoctrinated Justin into the mile high club. He was a bundle of nerves so he opted for a coffee-free option to keep the jitters at bay. Justin had become everything to him and he needed this week to go well. It wasn't so concerning when it was just Debbie, Mickey and Ben but the Toronto winter had swung into gear too early for Mel and Lindsay so they invited themselves to sunny Florida for the holiday. Before he knew it, the whole family was going to be there. Justin had met everyone already but only in small groups, well controlled by Brian and for limited periods of time. The whole family would have access to them for the whole week; it was just a disaster in the making.

"Brian" Justin called not disguising his annoyance, "Brian, they are boarding"

Brian handed Justin his coffee and kissed his cheek as an apology. He needed a smooth start to their trip and a blow job to calm his nerves and neither was going to be possible if he didn't get over himself and stop acting like an asshole. Justin had a high tolerance for his mood but more than anyone in his life, he would call him on his bullshit, he refused to be treated with anything other than respect. Brian had learned that the hard way. The only one allowed to queen out in their relationship apparently was Justin.

"Coming dear" he called in a sing-song way, his higher than normal pitch drawing some rogue judgmental stares. Justin wrapped his arm around him and let Brian grab their luggage which Brian took as acceptance of his apology. It was always this way with them, neither really ever said they were sorry, there was always just a look or a gesture and the clock was reset and all was forgiven.

As Justin settled into the window seat he felt the vibration of his phone from his pocket, which he barely fished out when the call went to voicemail.

"It's Rob" Justin announced, seeing Brian's curiosity peek. Justin waited a minute to see if his new agent left a message. It was still new, having an agent; he had just signed a month previous and was anxious to see what that might mean for his career. Brian was on him to quit his job and move in with him so he could afford to paint full time. The offer was tempting but Justin hated being dependent on Brian or anyone. He just still wasn't sure even if for all practical purposes; Justin had been living with Brian since their first real date. He knew, from the moment Brian said he could fuck him, he was sure Brian was the one he had been waiting for. Justin's phone finally beeped with the voicemail and Justin played the message while Brian watched him.

"More about the New York show" Justin explained while listening to the details on his message. Rob's first order of business was getting Justin some East Coast exposure and he had been trying to get a few pieces into a tiny gallery in the East Village. It wasn't going to catapult his reputation to super-stardom but it was a start and Justin was grateful for whatever Rob could do for him.

"That's great babe" Brian responded. "Christmas in New York?"

"Maybe" Justin laughed. The thought of spending anytime in New York appealed to Justin. He had always planned to move there eventually once he knew Daphne could support herself without his half of the mortgage. Of course, that was before Brian. Now he wouldn't dream of leaving him.

The flight to Florida was a bit turbulent and the seatbelt sign never went off much to Brian's chagrin. "Fuck" he exclaimed when the pilot announced their descent. "I didn't get to fuck you" Brian whispered when Justin looked at him puzzled for using a random expletive seemingly out of nowhere.

Justin smiled with his consolation offer, "You can fuck me at the hotel."

"I can fuck you in the airport" Brian counter-offered.

Justin flashed a wicked grin. "That might be hot." The truth was Brian was an incredibly inventive lover. He could get his dick hard, out of his pants, sheathed and inside Justin so stealthily that public sex was almost a game between them. Who could come up with a more daring maneuver? Justin liked the risk, the excitement, of being caught but Brian's creativity was even more of a turn-on. Sex was to Brian as paint was to Justin and Justin loved being Brian's canvas.

As soon as they exited the plane, Brian guided them to the elevator that led to the rental car booths and made good on his promise with the help of the emergency stop button. The sex was quick and dirty and left Justin unsatisfied but getting Brian off was enough for now, plus they had all week in a luxury hotel so there was no hurry in Justin's mind.

Brian's attitude improved greatly as they drove off the lot on their way to Debbie's. Justin had never been to Florida before and the palm trees and warm weather combined for a pleasant experience after the Pennsylvania November drizzle they had left behind. Justin took off his jacket and looked over at Brian while he drove.

"You're so fucking gorgeous" Justin declared with a smile, "I'm so lucky."

Brian nodded to acknowledge the complement and squeezed Justin's hand. It was nice to hear and he's the one that felt lucky even if he would never admit it out loud. If Justin minded that he didn't reciprocate, it didn't show. His smile was as bright as the Florida sunshine.

A few moments of silence and Brian pulled onto Carl and Debbie's street. "Listen, I want to worn you that my family can be a little…"

"…overbearing?" Justin sighed, he knew all too well. Especially Lindsay, Justin found her to be quiet meddlesome when it came to Brian. She was worse than Daphne in some ways.

"They mean well" Brian responded defensively, "but I'm going to take a lot of shit for being with you and it's not about you, it's about me, my past. They might tell you stories."

"Bri, you've met my dad. I can handle it. Don't worry." Justin offered with a reassuring kiss before exiting the car.

Brian and Justin walked into Debbie's small condo to a full house. Gus was the first to notice their arrival.

"DAD!" Gus cried, pulling himself away from Emmett's arms. "Look what Drew brought me!" he exclaimed excitedly while offering his Peyton Manning autographed football for inspection.

Drew smiled at Emmett then explained, "We played the Bronco's last week. I told him he had a Steeler's fan to convert"

Brian did his appropriate oohing and ahhing over the football before making his way through the crowd first to Debbie, then to Michael.

Justin settled in next to Gus on the floor since all the seats were occupied. "Sunshine" Debbie's motherly voice called out over the crowd. "I'm so glad you could make it."

"Thanks for inviting me" Justin responded politely offering a handshake but being pulled into a warm hug against his will. "Where's that beautiful roommate of yours?"

"Oh, I thought Brian told you, Daphne decided to spend the holiday with her family." Justin answered stoically, while shooting Brian a questioning look that was met with a shrug that told Justin, he had simply forgotten to say anything. Daphne and Tom were supposed to join them for the trip and leave for a cruise but Tom ended the relationship suddenly a week ago and Daphne didn't want to be around "annoying happy couples" during her mourning period. He had to give Daphne credit; she had been making some important strides to living her own life complete with a boyfriend who wasn't repulsed by lady parts. Justin suspected Tom was just not the long-term relationship type but then most would say that about Brian so what did he know.

Dinner the first night at Debbie's was crowded and Justin mostly felt like an outsider while Brian caught up with Michael and Ben, whose son Hunter, much to Justin's complete annoyance, made overtly sexually charged innuendo towards Brian throughout the meal that no one else seemed to find remotely inappropriate.

After the latest wink, wink, nod, nod comment about Brian's cock size, Justin had more than enough. "Excuse me" Justin announced loudly in the middle of dinner, directing his ire at Hunter who looked taken aback by the outburst.

"What?" Hunter replied innocently.

"Do you mind not hitting on my boyfriend?" Justin explained, seeing stunned stares all around. Brian's was the only smile in the bunch.

"It's okay Justin" Brian started to explain, "Hunter has always had a bit of a …."

"It's not okay, you can't talk to my son that way" Michael announced over Brian, "and Brian doesn't do boyfriends so don't flatter yourself."

Justin stared silently at Brian waiting for him to correct the misstatement only to realize he didn't plan to. After a few minutes he recovered from the general acceptance that no one, including Brian, was on his side, and shifted from hurt to outrage.

"My mistake" Justin announced mechanically whilst giving Brian his most penetrating, hateful stare. He grabbed the rental keys from the table and stormed out of Debbie's house.

All eyes shifted to Brian for an explanation. "Fuck!" Brian exclaimed when he snapped out of it and figured out why Justin was so angry. It never occurred to him to correct Michael's statement because it had always been true before. Only now it wasn't. Brian had never called Justin his boyfriend to Michael. He hadn't really even seen him except for a dinner when visiting Gus now and then. Justin was always just "a guy he was seeing" or "a close friend". He wasn't sure why he couldn't use the word around Michael.

"Well asshole" Debbie said, giving him a whack on the head and gesturing towards the door. "Go after him."

"Oh" Brian remarked, "Yeah, um, I'll be right back"

Drew shook his head as they watched Brian leave to look for Justin, "Man, that wasn't cool" and while Emmett, Ted and Blake shook their heads in agreement.

"Why did you say that?" Ben asked Michael almost as hurt as Justin was by Michael's continued fascination of Brian's perpetual bachelorhood.

Michael shrugged and continued shoveling cannelloni into his mouth. "It's better he know now. I told Brian inviting him for the holidays was going to send the wrong message."

Melanie was perplexed. She was far from Brian's biggest fan, but she thought Justin was a perfect stabilizing influence in Brian's life. She couldn't imagine how Michael could be so off base, "Michael, Justin's practically living with Brian. They're serious."

Michael rolled his eyes in dismissal and Ben stood to leave the table, prompting Debbie to issue another round of head slaps, this one directed to Michael's noggin. She removed his plate with half eaten cannelloni as punishment.

"Justin" Brian said as he knocked on the window to the rental car. He was relieved that he hadn't already left but upset to see Justin was still there because he was crying.

Justin rolled down the window, "What?" he hissed.

"I want to talk to you" Brian exclaimed, "Come back inside"

"Forget it. I'm going to the hotel. You can come with me if you want to talk."

Brian nodded and climbed into the passenger seat as Justin sped off. They checked in to the hotel silently but as soon as they got to the room, the gloves came off.

"I told you they might be like that" Brian argued defensively.

Justin gave Brian a fuck you look that conveyed how off base he was. "You made me look like an asshole in front of your family." Justin argued.

"Well you jumped all over Hunter in the middle of dinner. He's just a kid."

"He's not a kid, he wants to fuck you or maybe he already has?" Justin yelled his voice thick with accusation.

"No" Brian corrected, "I've never known you to be jealous" he smiled, crossing the room to hold Justin's hips, working his fingertips under his shirt hem and bending slightly to catch his eye line. "It's kind of hot" he flirted, doing his best to apologize without actually having to apologize.

"Forget it Brian" Justin shook his head and pulled away. "You can't just fuck your way out of this one."

"Well then maybe you can fuck me until you're not mad anymore" Brian offered, playing his usual get out of jail free card.

Justin just shook his head, "Why doesn't Michael know I'm your boyfriend? Why does he think I'm just some trick?"

"I don't know; it never came up."

"You have a boyfriend for the first time in thirty-six years and it never came up with your best friend since you were twelve?"

Brian shrugged; he didn't know why he never told Mikey.

"Fuck that Brian and fuck you. I risked my friendship with Daphne to be with you and you can't even tell your closest friend that I'm more than some fuck to you. Do you know how that makes me feel?"

"You are making too big a deal about this, we know what we are to each other. Why does it matter what everyone else thinks?"

"Because I'm not some god damn dirty little secret, that's why. I thought…" Justin started but stopped to fight back the tears, "I thought you loved me. I thought this was forever." He managed to get out.

Brian stared dumbfounded. He knew he was in love with Justin and he was confident the feeling was mutual but neither had ever said it. They danced around it. They said things like, "I love being with you" and "I love fucking you" but never just "I love you".

Brian swallowed. He felt the room spin and a lump formed in his throat. His lips went dry and he used his tongue to rewet them. He stared and blinked and cleared his throat twice but the words wouldn't come out. Justin watched the display and he knew what a gigantic step he was asking Brian to take but he needed to hear it and he needed it to be true so he had held off saying it first but now was not the time to be careful. He would lay his entire heart on the line and Brian would either guard it with his life or trample it into a million pieces.

One deep breath later and there it was. Words he had said a million times in his own head but never out loud, not to Brian. Not before now. "Baby, listen, I want you. You're sweet and generous. You're brilliant at what you do and you're sexy as hell. The last six months have been fun and exciting and the best time of my life. I love you. I'm in love with you."

For most people, love was a word that had to be returned in kind. The most conventional response to hearing someone loves you was saying you loved them too. However, Brian was far from conventional and love was just a vocabulary word. Love was like a painting that was beautiful from afar but up close was just a mess of brush strokes. But need, Brian knew need. That was real and he never needed anyone, until Justin.

Brian closed his eyes and let the words wash over him. He opened them and saw the most perfect pair of blue eyes waiting anxiously for his reaction. "I need you. You're all I need"

Justin took Brian into his arms, never expecting the confession that in so many ways exceeded a declaration of love. "Then I'm yours. Forever"

* * *

This is the concluding chapter. I will be adding an epilogue so please let me know if you want any particular loose ends resolved. I know I didn't give Daphne a happy ending but that was intentional because sometimes we don't get those so easily. The important thing is she was headed in the right direction. Thanks for all the support and if you haven't already, please give me at least one review on your impressions. I like knowing what people enjoyed or didn't.


	16. Epilogue

"A collar?" Justin asked in a tone loaded with disapproval while inspecting Eric's Christmas present, "He gave you a fucking collar? Like a dog?"

"Hey, it's not like that" Eric corrected defensively, "its special, like a wedding ring, a sign of our commitment. Don't diminish this for me Justin. I'm blissfully happy."

Justin shook his head. It was just too strange to think of Eric living such a non-vanilla lifestyle but ever since his night with Roberto after Daniel's wedding, there was a distinct shift in his friend and former lover. He bit his tongue, content to let Eric make his own decisions, and forced a worried smile. "Well as long as you're happy." He continued.

"I am, I mean I was with you too, but with Robbie it's just even more perfect. It's like with you and Brian, perfection."

Justin laughed through his stress, "I wouldn't call Brian and I perfection."

"Oh no, what happened? I've been so wrapped up in Robbie I haven't even talked to you since your trip."

"Well it started off really badly and then got worse" Justin began filling in the details of the horrible first night, his fight with Brian and the way they made love for a full twenty-four hours before Brian finally made him return to Debbie's for Thanksgiving to confront his family.

* * *

Brian shifted uneasily on the brown leather couch and glanced around at the sterile environment. This was his fourth visit with Garret; the three earlier visits were years ago when he was first diagnosed and couldn't get an erection. Brian began his latest story of woe; the one that he said began with his trip to Florida but may as well began thirty years ago when his Dad first hit him for crying over his sister refusal to let him play with her Ken doll. The first of many beating he would suffer for not subscribing to his father's particular brand of manliness.

"So you finally told him. Good for you. How are you feeling about that now?" Garett encouraged.

Brian grimaced from the physical pain he felt when speaking to his true feelings. Like Justin, Garret wasn't one to let Brian slide with evasive nods.

"Fine, I guess. I mean the sex is incredible." Brian sighed, his wistful inflection contradicting his assertion.

"Well that doesn't seem happy, what's behind the tone?" Garret pushed.

"Um, I guess I still feel like it's going to fall apart."

"Brian, we've spoken about this before with your cancer. You can't live life expecting the worst. It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. Focus on the things you know. What would make the relationship not work, what is really happening now that threatens the relationship, deal with those?"

"Justin's career for one. He's going to get noticed and move to New York and I can't stop him."

"Did Justin tell you he was leaving for New York or are you projecting your fears of being left?"

"Fine, but I mean I couldn't even tell Michael he's my boyfriend, I can't tell him I love him. Why would he want to stay? He's going to want to get married and have kids. That's just not me. I can't be a Stepford fag."

"Brian, do you hear yourself? This is exactly why I think we need to keep coming here on a regular basis. All these 'I cant's' are really impeding you from getting the things you say you want. You say you want Justin but the only thing that I hear standing in the way of that are you and your 'I can't's', which fortunately you have complete control over."

Brian opened his mouth to absurdly answer "I can't" only to close it again without saying anything. He let Garret's words settle into him, holding back his urge to swing them away with his emotional bat. "I don't want Justin; I need him" Brian corrected.

"Okay then, are you willing to come back? I have an opening on Tuesday."

Brian nodded and left Garret's office with a glimmer of hope.

* * *

Justin entered his apartment wishing Daphne was back from her ski trip with her new beau so he could talk to her. He returned to his bed still unmade from this morning. Being alone in his bed was hard. He hated not sharing it with Brian but it was for the best. They needed this break, things were getting too heavy between them and Justin felt their paths start to diverge against their will, just like they had with Eric. Only he had meant what he said, he was Brian's forever. And they were still together, technically, but after Thanksgiving things were difficult. He returned to Debbie's condo following twenty-four hours of being worshipped and adored in every way possible, Brian just ripped him apart, broke something that no matter how much sex they had, no matter how good it was, they couldn't seem to repair.

He started to tear up remembering the look of utter pain on Brian's face when he suggested he should sleep at his own place again, alone. It nearly killed him to even say it but Brian's look was like a dagger through his heart, so piercing that he thought he might double over in pain. For the past week, they had barely spoken. Justin had been pouring his emotions out onto canvas making use of the top of the line paint brushes Brian had bought him and Brian had been distant, saying he was busy at work preparing Kinnetik's first Superbowl campaign for Brown Athletics. Now Justin didn't know if they were still taking their trip over New Year's to New York or if he was going alone.

The phone rang and Justin sighed relieved to see Brian's number. "Hey Babe" Justin answered.

"Hi, listen Justin, I know you said you wanted some time alone but can we meet for dinner? I'll cook."

"Brian, I said I wanted to sleep alone, not that I wanted to be alone. Of course I'll have dinner with you. What time?"

"Come up whenever, use your key. I'm just going to run to the store. Chicken Marsala okay?"

"Sounds good" Justin said enthusiastically, knowing full well that Brian was making his favorite dish as a peace-offering. "I'm just going to shower and I'll be up."

Forty minutes later Justin entered Brian's loft with the sweet aroma of Marsala wine filling the air. "Hi babe" Brian greeted him with a kiss to his temple.

"Hey, I've missed you" Justin confessed grabbing his hips from behind him and kissing his neck while he stirred.

"Me too" he smiled. Justin poured himself a glass of Riesling from the bottle in the fridge and sat at the bar while Brian cooked. He loved watching Brian be domestic, like everything the man did, he was brilliant at it and looked sexy as fuck doing it. Justin felt a stir in his pants, even when things were bad between them, he couldn't fight that magnetic pull Brian had on his cock.

When dinner was ready, they sat at the table to eat. "I like the candles" Justin remarked acknowledging the extra effort Brian was making.

"Good. I thought we could use some romance tonight"

Justin sighed, debating in his head between enjoying the romance and the sex that was soon to follow or finally clearing the air at the risk of another blow up fight. He opted for the former against his better judgment because he was scared and horny. That's why it came as such a shock to him when Brian broke their silence with the words, "I need to apologize"

After Justin finally stopped coughing from the piece of chicken he aspirated, "okay" he said simply, prompting Brian to continue.

"I should never have let my family believe you were anything less than my partner at Thanksgiving. I know I didn't handle that well."

"Brian, Michael asked you if you loved me and you said you didn't believe in love."

"I know"

"Then Lindsay asked if it was fair for Gus to get close to me if we weren't serious and you said probably not"

"I know that but I told you the truth, I need you."

"Brian, then why? Why would you take me there and tell me that and then let everyone else in your life believe it wasn't true. Are you ashamed of me, of us?"

"No, of course not"

"Then why?"

"The truth?"

"Of course the truth!" Justin exclaimed exasperated.

"I don't know" Brian said simply

Justin tossed his napkin down. It was the same answer he got back in November when he had stormed out of Debbie's house again only this time back to the airport on Thanksgiving Day. "Brian, that's not good enough."

"I know that!"

"Then where do we go from here?"

"Well you go to New York for your show."

"You're not coming with me? Oh God, are you breaking up with me?"

"No! God this is not coming out the way I want it to. Can we…are you done? Can we go to the bedroom and lay down…just to talk?"

Justin let Brian clear the table and followed him into the bedroom. Apparently, Brian wanted to talk naked as he began to unbutton Justin's shirt and let his fingertips run slowly over his exposed skin awakening all of Justin's nerve endings. Brian's touch felt so good that he let him, even with everything still unsaid. The talk was clearly being postponed as Justin felt Brian's straining erection over his trousers and the look of desiderium on his face. Brian undressed himself and sat back on his bed, pulling Justin over him like a blanket and surrendering himself to his kisses and touches. "God, I need you inside me" he pleaded, the words always falling unnatural from his lips, yet the sensation feeling so right.

Justin sucked in a breath. He loved Brian being vulnerable with him, even if he wasn't ready to be that way with his family; he knew it was a special gift every time it was offered. He smiled and took Brian's cock in his hand and gave it a few gentle strokes before leaning in to kiss him. Justin placed light kisses on Brian's lips, his neck, his jaw and down his chest. Brian moaned as Justin found his nipples and bit gently and tugged the nubs between his teeth.

"Does that feel good?" Justin asked, moving downward to Brian's stomach, licking along his navel, feeling the waves of muscles on both sides of his abdomen. Brian shifted his legs, grinding up against Justin as a response and letting another moan loose.

"Just fuck me" Brian asked more forcefully.

"You want my cock?" Justin whispered, loving the direction this was headed. "Suck me" he ordered as he climbed up Brian's body and straddled him, lining his throbbing member up to Brian's mouth rubbing the smooth skin of his cockhead over the smooth skin of Brian's lips. Brian complied. If this was his punishment; he couldn't wait for more.

Brian opened up and took Justin in. The angle was difficult to accommodate but Brian relaxed and let Justin fuck his throat as he swallowed around him.

"God that feels good" Justin cried as he came dangerously close to the edge before pulling out and repositioning himself so he could work Brian open with one hand as he stroked him with the other. Brian spreading his legs for him might be the single sexiest act the man ever performed. Justin gave him all the attention he could before the need was overpowering. He reached for a condom and Brian stopped him by grabbing his wrist. "No don't" Brian said, his eyes filled with lust and longing.

Justin eyes grew wide in disbelief. They both tested regularly but there was never a discussion about taking that step. "We don't have to do that" Justin added, hoping the offer wasn't simply part of an apology.

"I know" Brian responded, "I want to. Don't you?"

Justin did, more than anything, but they still hadn't resolved things and it didn't seem right with so much between them still unspoken.

"Not this time" Justin panted into Brian's ear while placing the condom hoping the momentum wasn't lost. Justin felt Brian stroke him a few times and he knew it wasn't going to stop them. He entered him quickly but worked his way in with care. Then when his length was fully seated inside Brian it took his breath away like it always did. He began to move inside him, thrusting his hips with reckless abandon; letting his brain shut off and his primal urge to climax drive them forward.

"I love you" Brian cried out as he came, shuttering under the pure intensity of his orgasm.

Justin collapsed on to Brian, his muscles burning from overexertion. He was dazed, not certain he had heard Brian correctly. "I love you" Justin whispered while stroking Brian's cheek and wiping away beads of sweat from his forehead, mixing the perspiration into his already damp hair. He lay on his chest, feeling his heartbeat.

"Did you hear me?" Brian asked.

"I love you too" Justin said, certain it would be better to not make a huge deal about it.

"Yeah but why?" Brian asked in a voice as soft as a scared little boy.

"Why? What do you mean why? Why wouldn't I love you? You're amazing."

"In bed? In the boardroom?" Brian questioned, the only places he felt he was worth anything to anybody.

"Yes in bed and the boardroom and everywhere else. You're always amazing. You're crazy if you don't know that." Justin decreed, with a supportive kiss to punctuate his affection.

"Maybe that's why I'm in therapy" Brian asked, testing the waters. His defenses were always weakest after climaxing.

"I think that's a good thing." Justin responded calmly making a point not to scare him with his enthusiasm over the idea "Is it helping?"

"I said I love you" Brian repeated, knowing the words were a victory in and to themselves. "Will you wait for me?"

"Wait?" Justin asked, "You don't need to change for me. I fell in love with you the way you are. As long as I know what we are. It should be up to you to tell your family what you want to."

"I don't want you to think it's about me being ashamed of you. I think I need to prove to myself that I can do this. That I can be the man you want before I can claim you as mine, at least before I tell them what we are."

"If that's what you need, then I'll wait." Justin responded.

"Will you live here while you wait?" Brian smiled, renewing an ongoing controversy with playfulness.

"No, but I'll sleep here while I wait." Justin responded, giving his best offer, "on one condition….you come to New York with me for New Year's like we planned."

Brian nodded, "Deal" he answered with a smile.

* * *

**2 Months later….**

"Happy anniversary baby" Justin whispered, waking Brian up from his adorable slumber. "Today's the day!" he repeated grabbing his healthy testicle and rolling it gently in his hand.

Brian shifted and stretched. "What anniversary?" They had met in June so February couldn't be anything notable. Besides they were already back in New York at the Plaza for their first Valentine's Day so he was off the hook for any gift-giving occasion forgetfulness.

"Five years cancer free deserves a celebration fuck" Justin clarified while continuing to stimulate Brian with is hand, "so wake up and fuck me" he ordered.

Brian's eyes opened wide at the realization. Fuck, he had beaten cancer. All his latest therapy had focused on his current issues with Justin and the day would have gone by unnoticed if it wasn't for Justin's impeccable memory for important dates. Before Brian could stop him, Justin was on his lap and working Brian's cock, steel stiff from his morning stiffy and slicked raw with lubricant, into his hole. The tight muscle hugged his dick making him moan and writhe as Justin rode him hard and fast.

He felt his only ball might have exploded he came so hard. He loved fucking raw; the first time was just over a month ago on New Year's in New York. A step they took following a deep conversation held completely clothed and Justin's successful showing in the East Village. Now they were back, for another show, at a bigger gallery, which happen to fall on Valentine's Day weekend and the anniversary of Brian's last treatment. A show which caused Brian to continuously worry about Justin's future without him.

They were up and showering before Justin finally asked, "What's wrong?"

"Nothing" he answered, too quickly and too harshly to be true.

"Brian, you know what Garret said." Justin reminded him. He had attended therapy with Brian off and on for the past month and it was incredibly helpful to know what Brian was dealing with; the extent of his reliance on his unhealthy defense mechanisms. Garret suggested that Justin might be able to help Brian stop relying on his old patterns if he understood and Brian had reluctantly agreed.

"Okay, fine, I'm worried about holding you back. You should be here full time."

Justin laughed, "Brian, I can barely afford Pittsburgh, there is no way I need to be in New York and there's no way I would want to be here without you even if I could. Now stop worrying, it's our last day here. Are you up for some celebratory shopping?"

"Actually I have a surprise for you." Brian replied, "I booked some spa time for you while I get everything ready."

"Really? Oh my God, I love surprises" Justin gushed, thinking of his hot air balloon ride and wondering what remarkable event Brian had in store.

While Justin was getting a massage, Brian packed their stuff and let the hotel know they were departing early, he called the airport and made the arrangements. Garett was right. He felt ready, it was time.

Justin came back later in the afternoon refreshed and relaxed and hoping Brian would blow him. What he found was packed luggage being hauled out by a limo driver. No matter how many questions he asked, Brian refused to give any answers. When the private jet landed in Toronto, Justin was nervous. He was even more apprehensive, to the point of panic, when driver pulled onto the street where Michael and Ben lived and Brian held his hand tightly as they walked into the family room of a man Justin had no desire to see.

"Can I have your attention please!" Brian called loudly.

The noise and chatter came to an abrupt end when they walked in. Even JR stopped her tantrum over a refused cookie and the room fell silent. Gus ran up to his dad's side and held his other hand.

"Debbie, Carl, Lindsay, Melanie, Ben and Michael" Brian called to each of his present family members, then added, "Gus and JR" as Gus pulled his hand to be included in the announcement.

"I would like you to meet Justin Taylor."

"Brian, we know Justin, what are you doing…." Lindsay started, confused by the formality of the introduction.

"Shut up Lindsay" Brian hushed her.

"You met Justin at Thanksgiving and that did not go well because I was, well, I was an idiot . So I am trying this again."

"So you brought him all the way to Canada to introduce him as your boyfriend?" Debbie gushed, "Honey I'm so proud of you."

"No Mom" Brian corrected, "I brought him all the way to Canada to introduce him as my partner and the love of my life and hopefully the man I get to spend the rest of my life with."

The silence was deafening. Brian looked over at Justin's bright smile. "I love you" he said, "And if I can beat cancer; I know I can put that fucking beautiful smile on your face every day if you let me."

Justin was speechless and nodded in ecstatic disbelief. Then there was a kiss, the most perfect, blow your mind, knee's buckling, kind of kiss that told Justin exactly what Eric meant when he called it blissfully happy, when he said the word perfection. This thing with Brian; his beautifully exasperating, passion-filled, amazing gorgeous man; a man that gave him constant butterflies when they touched, a man that showed a vulnerability and tenderness only with him; this **was** perfection

"That is exactly what I need" he answered and since it didn't matter what Brian's family had to say, they left as quickly as they arrived back to their life together.

* * *

A/N:

Thanks for the support of this story. I have started a little side story in this universe aptly named Eric's Story that will continuing Eric's foray into BDSM but will only be posting on Midnight Whispers. Check it out there.

Also I am currently working on a sequel to another fic of mine The Bet. Follow me on twitter Erin_424 or here to be notified when it starts posting.


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